The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The graph shows people using new music websitesplaces on the Internet over a fifteen-day periodin fifteen days period of time namely Music Choice and Pop Paradepersonal choice and trendy pop music. The overall trend shows fluctuations with a slight increasefluctuation with slight Increased towards the end of the period. Starting with the Music Choice website,Music Choice websites; 40,000 peoplepoeple went on this new site on the first dayon first-day. Half of them backed out the next day. By contrast,In Contrast to this Pop Parade net sites received 120,000 visitswere visited by 120,000 music lovers on day one which decreased slightly on the next day thereafter regaining the same levelfame on 3rd day. After 3rd day the enthusiasm for both music lines on Internet dropped slowly- reaching maximum fall of 40,000 on 7th day. Whereas Music choice gained popularity, slightly Improoving to get the original strength of 30,000 viewers on screen, but was getting still less visiters than their opponent Pop group i.e. 40,000 on day 7. In the biegining of the next week both recovered markedlyboth gained remarkable recovery after a few fluctuations for 8th and 9th day having 40,000 and 50,000 visiters respectively, with Pop Parade reaching its peakreaching to their peaks of 150,000 visitsone and a half thousand new viewers for Pop Parade on 11th day showing a contrast of very few people visiting Music choice for the same day. Thereafter Music choice gained popularity on 12th day with 120,000 visitsfor having more than 120,000 new visiters on web. AtIn the end of the period Pop sites were visited by a peak of 170,000 visitsmaximum viewers of 180,000 whereas Music Choice recorded 80,000 visitssites located to Music choice were not explored by more than 80,000 explorers on the last day of the report.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response follows the fifteen-day sequence and identifies several major movements, including the late surges in both sites. Its main limitation is unreliable reporting: multiple values are inaccurate, the overview is too vague, and the claim of one and a half thousand badly misstates Pop Parade’s day-11 peak. Prioritise a clear two-line overview, then verify units and select a smaller number of exact turning points for comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses both sites and reports several turning points, but the overview is vague and numerous figures or units are inaccurate.
State the dominant overall patterns clearly and verify key values such as Pop Parade’s 150,000 day-11 peak before writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
A broadly chronological progression is visible, but the single dense paragraph, long sentences, and awkward linking make relationships difficult to follow.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs and use shorter sentences to compare corresponding periods across the two sites.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in language for rises and falls, but frequent spelling errors and unnatural collocations reduce precision and clarity.
Use a smaller set of accurate graph terms such as rose, fell, peaked, and fluctuated, and proofread recurring words such as people and visitors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, articles, agreement, and clause construction regularly weaken control.
Build each comparison around one complete main clause, then check verb forms, articles, and punctuation before adding subordinate information.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.