The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Sample Response
The graph shows people using new music places on the Internet in fifteen days period of time namely personal choice and trendy pop music. The overall trend shows fluctuation with slight Increased towards the end of the period. Starting with Music Choice websites; 40,000 poeple went on this new site on first-day. Half of them backed out the next day. In Contrast to this Pop Parade net sites were visited by 120,000 music lovers on day one which decreased slightly on the next day thereafter regaining the same fame on 3rd day. After 3rd day the enthusiasm for both music lines on Internet dropped slowly- reaching maximum fall of 40,000 on 7th day. Whereas Music choice gained popularity, slightly Improoving to get the original strength of 30,000 viewers on screen, but was getting still less visiters than their opponent Pop group i.e. 40,000 on day 7. In the biegining of the next week both gained remarkable recovery after a few fluctuations for 8th and 9th day having 40,000 and 50,000 visiters respectively, reaching to their peaks of one and a half thousand new viewers for Pop Parade on 11th day showing a contrast of very few people visiting Music choice for the same day. Thereafter Music choice gained popularity on 12th day for having more than 120,000 new visiters on web. In the end of the period Pop sites were visited by maximum viewers of 180,000 whereas sites located to Music choice were not explored by more than 80,000 explorers on the last day of the report.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate noun Original: places Suggested revision: websites Why it matters: The graph tracks visits to websites rather than physical places.
- 2. Fix time phrase Original: in fifteen days period of time Suggested revision: over a fifteen-day period Why it matters: The revision uses the correct article and compound adjective.
- 3. Use site names Original: personal choice and trendy pop music Suggested revision: Music Choice and Pop Parade Why it matters: These are the two labels shown in the graph legend.
- 4. Fix word forms Original: fluctuation with slight Increased Suggested revision: fluctuations with a slight increase Why it matters: The sentence needs a plural noun followed by the noun form increase.
- 5. Fix opening phrase Original: Music Choice websites; Suggested revision: the Music Choice website, Why it matters: A comma correctly closes the introductory phrase, and the graph names one site.
- 6. Correct spelling Original: poeple Suggested revision: people Why it matters: The word people is misspelled.
- 7. Fix day expression Original: on first-day Suggested revision: on the first day Why it matters: This time expression requires the definite article and no hyphen.
- 8. Fix contrast linker Original: In Contrast to this Suggested revision: By contrast, Why it matters: This is the natural linking phrase for the comparison and it requires a comma.
- 9. Report visits accurately Original: were visited by 120,000 music lovers Suggested revision: received 120,000 visits Why it matters: The vertical axis measures visits, not unique people.
- 10. Use data language Original: fame Suggested revision: level Why it matters: Fame does not describe a numerical value on a graph.
- 11. Fix verb phrase Original: both gained remarkable recovery Suggested revision: both recovered markedly Why it matters: Recover is the correct verb and markedly supplies the adverb.
- 12. Fix peak phrase Original: reaching to their peaks Suggested revision: with Pop Parade reaching its peak Why it matters: Reach does not take to, and the stated peak belongs to Pop Parade only.
Suggested Rewrites
- places websites
- in fifteen days period of time over a fifteen-day period
- personal choice and trendy pop music Music Choice and Pop Parade
- fluctuation with slight Increased fluctuations with a slight increase
- Music Choice websites; the Music Choice website,
- poeple people
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response follows the fifteen-day sequence and identifies several major movements, including the late surges in both sites. Its main limitation is unreliable reporting: multiple values are inaccurate, the overview is too vague, and the claim of one and a half thousand badly misstates Pop Parade’s day-11 peak. Prioritise a clear two-line overview, then verify units and select a smaller number of exact turning points for comparison.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response addresses both sites and reports several turning points, but the overview is vague and numerous figures or units are inaccurate.
State the dominant overall patterns clearly and verify key values such as Pop Parade’s 150,000 day-11 peak before writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
A broadly chronological progression is visible, but the single dense paragraph, long sentences, and awkward linking make relationships difficult to follow.
Separate the overview from two grouped detail paragraphs and use shorter sentences to compare corresponding periods across the two sites.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in language for rises and falls, but frequent spelling errors and unnatural collocations reduce precision and clarity.
Use a smaller set of accurate graph terms such as rose, fell, peaked, and fluctuated, and proofread recurring words such as people and visitors.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, articles, agreement, and clause construction regularly weaken control.
Build each comparison around one complete main clause, then check verb forms, articles, and punctuation before adding subordinate information.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.