The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The diagram delineates the seven-stage manufacturing process of sugar from sugarcane, beginning with its cultivation and completing with the refined sugar product.
A glance at the illustration reveals that the process is linear, and transforms raw sugarcane into a consumable product through a series of mechanical and chemical treatments, including crushing, purification, heating, and crystallisation.
The production cycle commences with the cultivation of sugarcane on farms, a process that typically spans between twelve and eighteen months. Once mature, the sugarcane is harvested, either manually or using machinery, and subsequently transported for processing. The initial processing step involves crushing the sugarcane stalks in a grinder, which extracts the raw sugarcane juice.
Following this, the extracted juice undergoes purification using a limestone filter to remove impurities. The purified juice is then transferred to an evaporator, where it is heated, leading to the vaporisation of water and the formation of a concentrated syrup. This syrup is then introduced into a centrifuge machine, which effectively separates the sugar crystals from the liquid. In the final stages, these newly formed sugar crystals are meticulously dried and cooled, culminating in the production of the finished sugar product ready for consumption.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural process phrase Original: manufacturing process of sugar from sugarcane Suggested revision: process of manufacturing sugar from sugar cane Why it matters: The revised phrasing more naturally expresses the product and raw material.
- 2. Use natural endpoint Original: completing Suggested revision: ending Why it matters: A linear process begins with one stage and ends with another.
- 3. Remove unnecessary comma Original: linear, and transforms Suggested revision: linear and transforms Why it matters: No comma is needed between two predicates sharing the same subject.
- 4. Avoid unsupported category Original: mechanical and chemical treatments Suggested revision: processing stages Why it matters: The diagram shows filtering and heating but does not identify any chemical treatment.
- 5. Remove invented transport Original: and subsequently transported for processing Suggested revision: before being crushed Why it matters: Transport is not shown as a stage; the diagram moves directly from harvesting to crushing.
- 6. Match diagram label Original: in a grinder Suggested revision: in a crushing machine Why it matters: The visual labels this stage as crushing rather than grinding.
- 7. Name source material Original: liquid Suggested revision: syrup Why it matters: The centrifuge specifically separates sugar crystals from syrup.
- 8. Avoid subjective manner Original: meticulously Suggested revision: then Why it matters: The diagram shows the stage but does not indicate that it is performed meticulously.
- 9. Remove unsupported purpose Original: ready for consumption Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The final visual labels the product as sugar without stating its readiness for consumption.
Suggested Rewrites
- manufacturing process of sugar from sugarcane process of manufacturing sugar from sugar cane
- completing ending
- linear, and transforms linear and transforms
- mechanical and chemical treatments processing stages
- and subsequently transported for processing before being crushed
- in a grinder in a crushing machine
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response provides an exceptionally clear, complete account of all seven stages, supported by an effective overview and precise sequencing from cultivation to drying and cooling. Its only notable limitation is occasional unnecessary embellishment, including references to chemical treatment, meticulous drying and transport that are not explicitly shown. Prioritise keeping every description strictly tied to the diagram while preserving the strong organisation and grammatical control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers the complete seven-stage linear process, including the growing period, alternative harvesting methods and every transformation shown.
Remove minor unsupported additions such as transportation, impurity removal and readiness for consumption so that every statement remains fully diagram-based.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview and two detail paragraphs create a clear progression, with sequencing devices used naturally throughout.
Reduce the repeated use of "then" in the final paragraph by varying or omitting connectors where the process order is already clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise and well suited to process description, although a few choices such as "meticulously" and "chemical treatments" overstate the visual evidence.
Prefer neutral technical wording that is directly supported, such as "the crystals are dried and cooled" and "the juice is filtered through limestone."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled with very strong accuracy and punctuation, with only rare minor lapses.
Refine the opening participial structure to "beginning with cultivation and ending with the finished sugar" and avoid the unnecessary comma before "and transforms."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.