The diagram below shows how one type of desert, known as a rain-shadow desert, is formed.
Sample Response
The diagram shows the process by which a rain-shadow desert is created near a mountain range. Overall, air coming from the sea loses most of its moisture on the windward side of the mountains. It then becomes dry as it moves down the other side, creating desert conditions further inland.
First, winds approach the coast from the sea and are pushed upwards when they reach the mountains. As the moist air rises on the windward side, it cools. This cooling causes clouds to form above the mountain. After that, rain falls mainly near the top and on the side facing the sea.
Once the air has passed over the highest part of the mountain, it contains much less water. It continues across the leeward side as dry air and goes down towards the inland region. Finally, dry winds reach areas which may be thousands of kilometres from the coast. Since there is little rain in this area, a rain-shadow desert is formed. Therefore, the two sides of the mountains have very different weather: the windward side receives rainfall, while the leeward side is dry.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct desert location Original: created near a mountain range Suggested revision: created inland beyond a mountain range Why it matters: The diagram places the desert beyond the leeward side and shows that it may be thousands of kilometres from the coast.
- 2. Avoid unsupported quantity Original: loses most of its moisture Suggested revision: releases moisture as rain Why it matters: The visual shows rainfall but does not quantify the proportion of moisture lost.
- 3. Use diagram terminology Original: the other side Suggested revision: the leeward side Why it matters: The labelled term identifies the dry side of the mountain precisely.
- 4. Use process verb Original: are pushed upwards Suggested revision: are forced upwards Why it matters: “Forced upwards” more precisely describes the air's movement against the mountain.
- 5. Use natural preposition Original: above the mountain Suggested revision: over the mountain Why it matters: “Over” more naturally describes clouds forming across the mountain area.
- 6. Refine stage link Original: After that Suggested revision: Subsequently Why it matters: This formal sequencer links the cloud-formation and rainfall stages concisely.
- 7. Match the labelled stage Original: near the top and on the side facing the sea Suggested revision: over the windward side near the summit Why it matters: The diagram locates the rainfall above the labelled windward side near the mountain summit.
- 8. Use concise term Original: highest part of the mountain Suggested revision: summit Why it matters: “Summit” expresses the same location more concisely.
- 9. Use precise movement verb Original: goes down towards Suggested revision: descends towards Why it matters: “Descends” is a more precise process verb for the downward movement shown.
- 10. Condense distance detail Original: areas which may be thousands of kilometres from the coast Suggested revision: inland areas thousands of kilometres from the coast Why it matters: The revision states the diagram's distance detail more directly and removes unnecessary wording.
Suggested Rewrites
- created near a mountain range created inland beyond a mountain range
- loses most of its moisture releases moisture as rain
- the other side the leeward side
- are pushed upwards are forced upwards
- above the mountain over the mountain
- After that Subsequently
Why this response received Band 8.0
The report is strongest in its accurate overview and orderly account of the complete process from moist coastal air to dry inland conditions. Its main limitation is that a few stages are described with slightly general wording, especially the precise location of rainfall and the descent of air on the leeward side; prioritise more exact process language tied to the labelled visual.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview accurately identifies the central moisture contrast, and the report covers all major labelled stages without unsupported information.
Describe the rainfall over the mountain and the leeward descent with wording that follows the visual labels even more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves clearly from the coastal approach through the windward stages to the leeward desert outcome in well-organised paragraphs.
Reduce the slight repetition between the final contrast and the overview so the ending advances rather than restates the account.
Lexical Resource
A good range of accurate process vocabulary, including windward, leeward, moist air, and inland region, supports precise description.
Replace general verb phrases such as goes down with more exact process terms such as descends.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple sentence forms are varied and consistently accurate, with clear control of sequence and cause.
Use compact participial or reduced-clause structures selectively to make the sequence even more economical without sacrificing clarity.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows how one type of desert, known as a rain-shadow desert, is formed.
Your response
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