The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The illustration summarises the different steps of producing sugar from sugar cane, startingsugar cane - starting from growing sugar cane and ending in making the final product, which is sugar.
Overall, sugar cane plants areget ready to be harvested for manufacturing sugar when they are 12 to 18 months olda year to a year and a half old, and the sugar manufacturing process involves harvesting, crushing, purifying the juice, making syrupmaking syrup, centrifuging, and finally drying and cooling.
As the diagram depicts, sugar cane plants are harvested from the fields when they are between twelve and eighteen months old. They are harvested either manually by workershuman labourers or by using machines. In the third step, these sugar cane stems are crushed in a crushingcrusher machine to produce juice. Afterwards, the extractedproduced juice is purified by a limestone filter before the juice is heated inby an evaporator to produce syrup. Sugar crystals areSugar crystal is separated from syrup in a device called a centrifuge. The final step involves drying and cooling the produced sugar crystals to make the sugar that we consume.
Model Anser 2:
The diagram illustrates the phases involved in producing sugar from sugar cane plants.
Generally speaking, sugar production involves seven main stages that start with growing sugar cane plants on farms and culminate in drying and cooling the crystal syrup to form sugar - the final product.
As the process diagram suggests, in the first step, the sugar cane plants are grown in the fields for over a year, and then harvested manually or with the help of agricultural machinery. After that, the sugar cane stalks are crushed in a grinder, resulting in the formation of sugar cane juice. Afterwards, this juice is purified with the use of a limestone filter. Subsequently, the juice is heated in an evaporator device. During this step, the vaporization of water creates the syrup, which is then poured into a centrifuge machine where it separates sugar crystals from the syrup. In the final stage, the created crystals are dried and cooled to manufacture the final product - which is sugar.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The strongest feature is the accurate, sequential coverage of all seven stages, including both harvesting methods and the functions of the limestone filter, evaporator, and centrifuge. The main limitation is that two complete reports are concatenated under an inserted model-answer label, causing substantial repetition and weakening the submission's unity. Submit one concise, integrated account and refine the few awkward process descriptions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Across the submission, all seven stages and the alternative harvesting methods are described accurately, but the entire process is unnecessarily reported twice.
Present the complete sequence once, with a concise overview that highlights its linear seven-stage structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each individual report follows the process logically, but the abrupt "Model Anser 2" heading and duplicated account disrupt overall unity and create heavy repetition.
Remove the second version and organise one response into an introduction, overview, and a single logically sequenced detail section.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of appropriate process vocabulary, though a few phrases such as "crystal syrup" and "crusher machine" lack precision.
Prefer exact terms such as sugar crystals, crushing machine, and syrup, and avoid repeating the same process vocabulary in a second account.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally controlled and meaning remains clear, with only occasional agreement or reference problems.
Refine sentences such as "a centrifuge machine where it separates" by giving each clause a clear grammatical subject.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.