The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Sample Response
The illustration summarises the different steps of producing sugar from sugar cane - starting from growing sugar cane and ending in making the final product, which is sugar.
Overall, sugar cane plants get ready to be harvested for manufacturing sugar when they are a year to a year and a half old, and the sugar manufacturing process involves harvesting, crushing, making syrup, centrifuging, and finally drying and cooling.
As the diagram depicts, sugar cane plants are harvested from the fields when they are between twelve and eighteen months old. They are harvested either manually by human labourers or by using machines. In the third step, these sugar cane stems are crushed in a crusher machine to produce juice. Afterwards, the produced juice is purified by a limestone filter before the juice is heated by an evaporator to produce syrup. Sugar crystal is separated from syrup in a device called a centrifuge. The final step involves drying and cooling the produced sugar crystals to make the sugar that we consume.
Model Anser 2:
The diagram illustrates the phases involved in producing sugar from sugar cane plants.
Generally speaking, sugar production involves seven main stages that start with growing sugar cane plants on farms and culminate in drying and cooling the crystal syrup to form sugar - the final product.
As the process diagram suggests, in the first step, the sugar cane plants are grown in the fields for over a year, and then harvested manually or with the help of agricultural machinery. After that, the sugar cane stalks are crushed in a grinder, resulting in the formation of sugar cane juice. Afterwards, this juice is purified with the use of a limestone filter. Subsequently, the juice is heated in an evaporator device. During this step, the vaporization of water creates the syrup, which is then poured into a centrifuge machine where it separates sugar crystals from the syrup. In the final stage, the created crystals are dried and cooled to manufacture the final product - which is sugar.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve clause link Original: sugar cane - starting Suggested revision: sugar cane, starting Why it matters: A comma links the participial phrase more cleanly than a spaced hyphen.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: get Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The revised phrase states the stage directly and more formally.
- 3. State exact duration Original: a year to a year and a half old Suggested revision: 12 to 18 months old Why it matters: This matches the duration shown explicitly in the diagram.
- 4. Include purification stage Original: making syrup Suggested revision: purifying the juice, making syrup Why it matters: The overview should not skip the distinct limestone-filter stage shown before evaporation.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: human labourers Suggested revision: workers Why it matters: “Labourers” already means people, so “human” is redundant.
- 6. Use natural compound Original: crusher Suggested revision: crushing Why it matters: “Crushing machine” is the natural compound noun for the equipment shown.
- 7. Use precise participle Original: produced Suggested revision: extracted Why it matters: The juice is extracted from the cane during crushing.
- 8. Fix device preposition Original: by Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The juice is heated inside the evaporator rather than by the container itself.
- 9. Fix number agreement Original: Sugar crystal is Suggested revision: Sugar crystals are Why it matters: The diagram shows crystals in the plural, requiring the plural verb “are.”
- 10. Remove duplicate response Suggested revision: Delete this heading and the repeated second response so the submission contains one coherent report. Why it matters: A second labelled model answer interrupts progression and unnecessarily duplicates the full task response.
Suggested Rewrites
- sugar cane - starting sugar cane, starting
- get are
- a year to a year and a half old 12 to 18 months old
- making syrup purifying the juice, making syrup
- human labourers workers
- crusher crushing
Why this response received Band 7.0
The strongest feature is the accurate, sequential coverage of all seven stages, including both harvesting methods and the functions of the limestone filter, evaporator, and centrifuge. The main limitation is that two complete reports are concatenated under an inserted model-answer label, causing substantial repetition and weakening the submission's unity. Submit one concise, integrated account and refine the few awkward process descriptions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
Across the submission, all seven stages and the alternative harvesting methods are described accurately, but the entire process is unnecessarily reported twice.
Present the complete sequence once, with a concise overview that highlights its linear seven-stage structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each individual report follows the process logically, but the abrupt "Model Anser 2" heading and duplicated account disrupt overall unity and create heavy repetition.
Remove the second version and organise one response into an introduction, overview, and a single logically sequenced detail section.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of appropriate process vocabulary, though a few phrases such as "crystal syrup" and "crusher machine" lack precision.
Prefer exact terms such as sugar crystals, crushing machine, and syrup, and avoid repeating the same process vocabulary in a second account.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally controlled and meaning remains clear, with only occasional agreement or reference problems.
Refine sentences such as "a centrifuge machine where it separates" by giving each clause a clear grammatical subject.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.