The diagram below shows how one type of desert, known as a rain-shadow desert, is formed.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the process by which a rain-shadow desert is created on the inland side of a mountain range.
Overall, moist winds from the sea rise over mountains and lose their moisture as rain on the windward side. The air then becomes dry and travels down the opposite slope, producing desert conditions far inland.
Initially, winds approach the coast from the sea. When they meet the mountains, they are forced upwards along the windward side. As this moist air rises, it cools, causing clouds to form above the mountain. Rain subsequently falls from these clouds, mainly near the upper parts of the windward slope.
After crossing the mountain peak, the air contains much less moisture. It continues over the leeward side as dry air and descends towards the inland area. Finally, dry winds reach land that may be thousands of kilometres from the coast. Since the mountains have prevented most of the sea moisture from reaching this region, very little rain falls there. Consequently, a rain-shadow desert develops on the leeward side, in contrast to the wetter coastal side of the mountains.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use process term Original: created Suggested revision: formed Why it matters: Use the task's process term for a more precise description.
- 2. Clarify upward movement Original: rise over mountains Suggested revision: are pushed upward along the windward side of the mountains Why it matters: The diagram shows the winds being pushed up the windward slope before crossing the mountain.
- 3. Use precise verb Original: travels down Suggested revision: descends Why it matters: Descends expresses downward movement more concisely in a process report.
- 4. Include shown distance Original: far inland Suggested revision: thousands of kilometres inland Why it matters: The visual explicitly indicates a distance of thousands of kilometres.
- 5. Match diagram wording Original: forced upwards Suggested revision: pushed upward Why it matters: This wording more closely reflects the labelled second stage.
- 6. Locate clouds precisely Original: above the mountain Suggested revision: above the windward side of the mountain Why it matters: The cloud stage is shown above the windward side rather than generally above the whole mountain.
- 7. Locate rainfall precisely Original: mainly near the upper parts of the windward slope Suggested revision: near the mountain summit Why it matters: The rain is depicted close to the summit in the visual.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: sea moisture Suggested revision: moisture from the sea Why it matters: This is a more natural and precise noun phrase.
- 9. Use labelled contrast Original: wetter coastal side Suggested revision: wetter windward side Why it matters: Windward is the diagram's precise label for the rainy side of the mountains.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: It continues over the leeward side as dry air and descends towards the inland area. Suggested revision: The dry air continues over the mountain and then descends the leeward side towards the inland area. Why it matters: This revision preserves the diagram's order of crossing the mountain before descending the leeward slope.
Suggested Rewrites
- created formed
- rise over mountains are pushed upward along the windward side of the mountains
- travels down descends
- far inland thousands of kilometres inland
- forced upwards pushed upward
- above the mountain above the windward side of the mountain
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is highly effective because it combines a concise overview with complete, accurately sequenced coverage of the diagram's stages and a clear coastal-inland contrast. There is no significant content gap, although a few expressions could be made more directly faithful to the visual labels. The best improvement would be to maintain this detail while tightening minor paraphrases and avoiding any unnecessary interpretation of where rainfall is concentrated.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All major stages are accurately selected, and the overview clearly explains how moisture loss creates the rain-shadow desert.
Describe the rainfall location without adding emphasis such as mainly near the upper slope unless that emphasis is unambiguously shown.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses smoothly from the coastal approach to inland desert formation, with effective paragraphing and cohesive reference.
Make the shift from the overview to the detailed sequence slightly less formulaic while preserving the strong chronological structure.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise and natural, with effective use of terms such as windward, leeward, descends and prevented.
Aim for still greater economy by removing occasional explanatory wording that repeats an already clear causal relationship.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex clauses and varied sentence forms are used flexibly and almost entirely without error.
Sustain this accuracy while experimenting with more concise clause combinations in the final stage description.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows how one type of desert, known as a rain-shadow desert, is formed.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.