The diagram below shows how one type of desert, known as a rain-shadow desert, is formed.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the process by which a rain-shadow desert is created on the inland side of a mountain range.
Overall, the mountains cause wet air from the sea to rise, cool and produce rain on the windward side. By the time this air reaches the opposite slope, it has become dry, so very little moisture is carried to the inland area.
Initially, winds approach the coast from the sea and are forced upwards when they meet the mountains. As the moist air climbs the windward side, it gradually cools. This cooling leads to cloud formation near the top of the range, followed by rainfall. Thus, most of the water in the air falls on the side facing the sea.
After this point, the remaining air continues over the mountain and moves down the leeward slope. Since it has already lost much of its moisture, it is dry. The dry winds then travel for thousands of kilometres towards inland areas. Consequently, the land on this side receives little rain and a rain-shadow desert is formed.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use process term Original: created Suggested revision: formed Why it matters: Use the task's process term for a more precise description.
- 2. Use precise term Original: wet air Suggested revision: moist air Why it matters: Moist air is the more precise term for air carrying water vapour.
- 3. Clarify moisture loss Original: produce rain Suggested revision: release its moisture as rain Why it matters: This wording makes the diagram's moisture-loss stage more explicit.
- 4. Name the slope Original: opposite slope Suggested revision: leeward slope Why it matters: The visual labels this side as the leeward side.
- 5. Match diagram wording Original: forced upwards Suggested revision: pushed upward Why it matters: This wording more closely reflects the labelled second stage.
- 6. Locate clouds precisely Original: near the top of the range Suggested revision: above the upper windward slope Why it matters: The diagram places cloud formation above the high windward side.
- 7. Describe rainfall precisely Original: most of the water in the air falls Suggested revision: most of the moisture falls as rain Why it matters: This revision distinguishes airborne moisture from the rain it becomes.
- 8. Specify the area Original: the land on this side Suggested revision: the inland area Why it matters: The visual identifies the destination of the dry winds as the inland area.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: After this point, the remaining air continues over the mountain and moves down the leeward slope. Suggested revision: The dry air then continues over the mountain and descends the leeward slope. Why it matters: This version names the air's changed condition and presents the next stage more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- created formed
- wet air moist air
- produce rain release its moisture as rain
- opposite slope leeward slope
- forced upwards pushed upward
- near the top of the range above the upper windward slope
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, accurate account of the process, with a strong overview and a logical progression from moist coastal winds to desert formation inland. Its main limitation is that a few descriptions, such as most of the water falling on the windward side, go slightly beyond the diagram's explicit wording. Prioritise keeping every causal claim closely tied to the labelled stages while retaining the current precision and clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately presents the full process and provides a clear overview of the contrast between the wet windward and dry leeward sides.
Keep inferred quantities such as most of the water more cautiously phrased unless the diagram explicitly indicates them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organised into a clear overview and two logically sequenced detail paragraphs with well-controlled linking.
Refine the transition across the mountain peak so the relationship between rainfall and the descending dry air is even more seamless.
Lexical Resource
A precise and varied process vocabulary, including windward, leeward, moisture and forced upwards, is used naturally throughout.
Reduce the small amount of repetition around air, dry and side by varying reference where this remains fully precise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex and simple structures is handled accurately, with consistently clear sentence control.
Continue extending grammatical variety through compact participle or relative constructions without sacrificing the current accuracy.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows how one type of desert, known as a rain-shadow desert, is formed.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.