You have noticed a room at your company office that can be used as a relaxation room. Write a letter to your manager and ask to use the room for this purpose. In your letter: - explain why you are suggesting this - which room it is - what changes in the room will need to be done
Sample Response
Dear Mr Bradley, I am a junior executive in your organisation and have been working here for the last 2 years. I believe a few more recreational facilities would refresh us to produce better output and for that, we can convert a spare room into the relaxation and sports room in our office. I am hoping you would consider my idea and take steps to make it happen. The idea popped into my head when I attended a meeting at the H&G group's head office. They have a large room for recreation and relaxation and their HR mentioned that it actually increased their employee satisfaction and overall performance. I would like to have a recreation room in our office as well. As a matter of fact, I have talked to some of my colleagues and all of them welcomed the idea. The meeting room on the third floor is no longer used and could be an ideal room for our staff to rest, socialise and enjoy their time and unlax their pressure. This room already has a large table and a few chairs. It needs a large table tennis board, a few more chairs, a sofa set and a couple of exercise machines. I hope you would consider converting the room into a relaxation room and allow us to have an even better office environment. Yours sincerely, Rohan Maxim
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a formal time phrase Original: for the last 2 years Suggested revision: for the past two years Why it matters: Past two years is more natural in this formal introduction, and small numbers are usually written as words.
- 2. Correct the request form Original: I am hoping you would consider Suggested revision: I hope you will consider Why it matters: The revised tense and modal form express the present request correctly.
- 3. State the action precisely Original: take steps to make it happen Suggested revision: take steps to implement it Why it matters: Implement it is more precise and formal than make it happen.
- 4. Use a formal expression Original: popped into my head Suggested revision: occurred to me Why it matters: Occurred to me suits the professional tone better than the conversational original.
- 5. Capitalise the proper name Original: group's Suggested revision: Group's Why it matters: Group is part of the organisation's proper name and should be capitalised.
- 6. Use a logical connector Original: As a matter of fact Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: In addition accurately signals that colleague support is another reason for the proposal.
- 7. Use a formal verb Original: talked Suggested revision: spoken Why it matters: Spoken to is more appropriate for a formal letter to a manager.
- 8. Keep the tense consistent Original: all of them welcomed the idea Suggested revision: all of them have welcomed the idea Why it matters: The present perfect matches the preceding account of recent discussions.
- 9. Avoid repeating room Original: room Suggested revision: space Why it matters: Space avoids repeating room and describes the proposed use naturally.
- 10. Clarify the intended use Original: enjoy their time Suggested revision: spend their breaks Why it matters: Spend their breaks states more precisely when staff would use the room.
- 11. Correct the expression Original: unlax their pressure Suggested revision: relieve their stress Why it matters: Unlax their pressure is not a standard English expression; relieve stress conveys the intended meaning.
- 12. Name the equipment correctly Original: a large table tennis board Suggested revision: a full-sized table tennis table Why it matters: The piece of equipment is called a table tennis table, not a board.
Suggested Rewrites
- for the last 2 years for the past two years
- I am hoping you would consider I hope you will consider
- take steps to make it happen take steps to implement it
- popped into my head occurred to me
- group's Group's
- As a matter of fact In addition
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter makes a persuasive case for a relaxation room by linking it to employee satisfaction and performance, identifies the unused third-floor meeting room, and proposes specific furnishings and equipment. Its main limitation is awkward, sometimes inaccurate wording and an undivided paragraph that blurs the three requested areas. The priority is to organise the proposal by rationale, location, and modifications while using precise language for stress relief and recreational equipment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are fully addressed with relevant evidence, a specific room, existing furniture, and a clear list of proposed additions.
Strengthen the practical proposal by mentioning any repainting, storage, safety, scheduling, or budget considerations needed before conversion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses from benefits and colleague support to the room and required changes, but all content is presented in one dense paragraph.
Use separate paragraphs for the reason, the location and current condition, and the proposed equipment and alterations.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for workplace benefits and facilities, though several collocations and one invented word reduce precision.
Replace 'refresh us to produce better output', 'table tennis board', and 'unlax their pressure' with 'improve productivity', 'table-tennis table', and 'relieve stress'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms conveys the proposal clearly, but articles, verb patterns, coordination, and pronoun reference contain recurring errors.
Refine structures such as 'convert the spare room into a relaxation area' and 'allow staff to rest, socialise, and relieve stress'.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have noticed a room at your company office that can be used as a relaxation room. Write a letter to your manager and ask to use the room for this purpose. In your letter:
- explain why you are suggesting this
- which room it is
- what changes in the room will need to be done
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.