You have seen an advertisement inviting candidates to apply for a sales manager position. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: - state your interest in the position - describe your educational background - describe your relevant experience
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have recently noticed your job advertisement for the post of sales manager at Rubin Gorham Inc.at the Rubin Gorham Inc. and wish to apply for the position. I am hoping to meet you in person to further discuss my candidacy. I earned my bachelor'sbachelor degree in Marketing and Finance from Macquarie University in Sydney, Australia in 2015 and then migrated to the United Kingdom as a permanent resident Deleteto stay with my mother. After graduatingHaving finished my graduation in marketing and finance, I immediately joined Lucas Inc., a large car manufacturing company in Australia. I worked for the companyworked with them as a marketing executive for two and a half years and was promoted to the senior marketing researcher position after a year. I quit the job to move to the UK in early 2017. I currently work asNow I am working as a sales lead for a manufacturing company in London. I am a self-motivated individual and am committed to driving sales through effective team leadershiplove to make sales happen under my direct supervision. I manage an eight-person teama team of 8 members and take my responsibilities seriouslytake my responsibility religiously. I am quite positive that I would be a valuable asset to your company. I encloseI, herein, enclose my curriculum vitae which states my educational and professional details for your kind consideration.
I look forward to meeting you soon in a formal interview. Yours faithfully, Nicole Tyler
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter clearly establishes the application purpose and gives substantial, relevant detail about education, career progression, current leadership duties, and suitability for the role. Its main limitation is that all supporting information is concentrated in one long body paragraph and several expressions sound unnatural; the highest-priority improvement is to organise education and experience into distinct paragraphs while refining professional collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The application purpose is clear, all bullet points are fully addressed, and detailed education and experience support the candidate’s suitability in an appropriate formal register.
Prioritise the qualifications most relevant to sales management and omit less useful personal background detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a clear chronological and functional progression, but the education and employment details are compressed into one long body paragraph.
Separate educational background, previous experience, and current responsibilities into distinct paragraphs for easier reading.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied professional vocabulary effectively, though phrases such as ‘finished my graduation’, ‘make sales happen’, and ‘take my responsibility religiously’ are unnatural.
Replace awkward combinations with idiomatic business language such as ‘completed my degree’, ‘drive sales’, and ‘take my responsibilities seriously’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and the few minor article or phrasing slips do not impede communication.
Refine article use and possessive forms in expressions such as ‘a bachelor’s degree’ to achieve greater grammatical precision.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have seen an advertisement inviting candidates to apply for a sales manager position. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter:
- state your interest in the position
- describe your educational background
- describe your relevant experience
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.