Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that children should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?
Sample Response
Art and music are pivotal facets of cultural expression and creativity, and they are often regarded as the rudimentary elements of society. In my opinion, they are still indispensable in today's technology-driven world, and despite the pervasive influence of technology, nurturing artistic and musical skills in children in schools should be encouraged.
Art and music undoubtedly maintain their significance in today's technology-driven world. Despite the proliferation of digital advancements, these creative domains offer unique experiences that technology cannot fully replicate. Art and music foster emotional expression, creativity, and cultural understanding, providing individuals with an avenue to convey thoughts and emotions that transcend the limitations of technology. For example, renowned artist Banksy's thought-provoking street art pieces have sparked global conversations, addressing social and political issues through visual expressions, creating an impact that resonates far beyond the digital realm.
In the modern world, where technology often dominates various aspects of life, the value of art and music education remains undiminished. This is why learners in school should spend more time learning art and music. These subjects offer unique benefits that cannot be replaced by technological advancements. They serve as outlets for creativity, enabling individuals to express emotions, thoughts, and cultural diversity in ways technology cannot emulate. Moreover, studies have consistently highlighted the positive correlation between art & music education and cognitive development, enhancing critical thinking, problem-solving abilities, and emotional intelligence. Moreover, encouraging children to engage in artistic and musical activities can offer a much-needed break from the screen-dominated world, fostering mental well-being and reducing stress levels.
In conclusion, while technology undoubtedly plays a crucial role in modern education, the significance of art and music in nurturing creativity, emotional intelligence, and cognitive development cannot be understated. Schools should allocate sufficient time for art and music education to ensure children receive a balanced and comprehensive education.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate adjective Original: the rudimentary elements of society Suggested revision: fundamental elements of society Why it matters: “Rudimentary” can imply something undeveloped, whereas “fundamental” expresses essential importance.
- 2. Improve noun structure Original: nurturing artistic and musical skills in children in schools Suggested revision: nurturing children's artistic and musical skills at school Why it matters: The possessive form and “at school” remove the awkward repetition of “in.”
- 3. Fix abstract collocation Original: the proliferation of digital advancements Suggested revision: the rapid pace of digital innovation Why it matters: Digital innovation can advance rapidly, while “proliferation of advancements” is awkward.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: an avenue to convey thoughts and emotions Suggested revision: a means of conveying thoughts and emotions Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses the function more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Use precise noun Original: learners in school Suggested revision: schoolchildren Why it matters: “Schoolchildren” directly identifies the learners discussed in the task.
- 6. Replace informal symbol Original: art & music education Suggested revision: art and music education Why it matters: The ampersand is too informal for continuous academic prose.
- 7. Vary repeated transition Original: Moreover Suggested revision: Furthermore Why it matters: Changing the second consecutive “Moreover” avoids repetitive paragraph linking.
- 8. Correct fixed expression Original: understated Suggested revision: overstated Why it matters: “Cannot be overstated” is the fixed expression meaning that the importance is very great.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: For example, renowned artist Banksy's thought-provoking street art pieces have sparked global conversations, addressing social and political issues through visual expressions, creating an impact that resonates far beyond the digital realm. Suggested revision: For example, the renowned artist Banksy's thought-provoking street art has sparked global conversations by addressing social and political issues through visual expression, with an impact extending beyond the digital realm. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the relationship between the example, its subject matter, and its broader impact.
- 10. Group related benefits Suggested revision: Present creative expression first, then group the cognitive benefits together before ending with mental well-being and reduced screen exposure. Why it matters: This grouping would reduce repetition and make the progression among the benefits clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- the rudimentary elements of society fundamental elements of society
- nurturing artistic and musical skills in children in schools nurturing children's artistic and musical skills at school
- the proliferation of digital advancements the rapid pace of digital innovation
- an avenue to convey thoughts and emotions a means of conveying thoughts and emotions
- learners in school schoolchildren
- art & music education art and music education
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully answers both questions and supports its position with relevant cultural, cognitive, and well-being benefits. Its strongest feature is the confident, precise language used to connect art and music with life in a technology-driven world. The main limitation is some repetition between the two body paragraphs; prioritise giving the school-time argument more distinct evidence about curriculum trade-offs or measurable educational outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly and developed with relevant explanations and examples concerning expression, learning, and well-being.
Strengthen the case for additional school time by addressing curriculum trade-offs and showing why the benefits justify greater allocation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through focused paragraphs, although the two body sections repeat several ideas about expression and technological limits.
Give each body paragraph a more distinct purpose and avoid repeating the same technology-versus-creativity comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and appropriately academic, with strong control of terms related to culture, cognition, and technology.
Replace the slightly inaccurate phrase "rudimentary elements" and use "and" rather than an ampersand in formal prose.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and naturally, with only negligible local awkwardness.
Refine the occasional long sentence containing several participial phrases so relationships remain maximally clear.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that children should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.