Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that children should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?
Sample Response
In today’s rapidly evolving world, where technology dominates many aspects of life, the value of traditional subjects like art and music is sometimes questioned. However, I believe that these subjects continue to play a vital role in the development of children and should remain an integral part of the school curriculum.
Firstly, art and music contribute significantly to the development of creativity and critical thinking skills. These subjects encourage students to think outside the box, experiment with new ideas, and express themselves in unique ways. For instance, a child who learns to play an instrument or create art may develop problem-solving skills that can be applied in other academic areas. Secondly, art and music education fosters cultural awareness and appreciation. In a globalized world, exposure to different forms of art and music enables students to understand and appreciate diverse cultures. For example, learning about classical music or visual arts from various regions helps children develop a broader perspective and respect for global heritage.
Children should indeed spend more time learning art and music at school, as these subjects provide essential benefits that support their overall development. Art and music nurture creativity, allowing children to think outside the box and develop problem-solving skills. For example, creating artwork or composing music encourages experimentation, which builds resilience and confidence in their abilities. Moreover, these subjects offer a valuable outlet for emotional expression, helping children process their feelings in a healthy and constructive way.
In conclusion, despite the prominence of technology in modern society, art and music continue to have a significant place in education. They not only enhance cognitive and emotional development but also help children become well-rounded individuals. Therefore, I firmly believe that schools should prioritize teaching these subjects to children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use formal example marker Original: traditional subjects like art and music Suggested revision: traditional subjects such as art and music Why it matters: Such as is more appropriate than like when introducing examples in formal writing.
- 2. Make phrasing concise Original: in the development of children Suggested revision: in children's development Why it matters: The possessive form expresses the same meaning more concisely.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: create Suggested revision: make Why it matters: Make art is the more natural collocation for producing visual artwork.
- 4. Use precise verb Original: problem-solving skills that can be applied in other academic areas Suggested revision: problem-solving skills that can be transferred to other academic areas Why it matters: Transferred more precisely describes using skills learned in one context in another.
- 5. Avoid generic wording Original: different Suggested revision: varied Why it matters: Varied is more concise and precise than different in this context.
- 6. Remove unnecessary emphasis Original: Children should indeed spend Suggested revision: Children should spend Why it matters: Indeed adds emphasis but no substantive meaning to the recommendation.
- 7. Use natural phrasing Original: continue to have a significant place in education Suggested revision: continue to have an important place in education Why it matters: Important place is the more natural collocation for describing the subjects’ continuing value.
- 8. Express manner concisely Original: in a healthy and constructive way Suggested revision: constructively Why it matters: The adverb conveys the intended manner without redundant wording.
- 9. Avoid repetitive wording Original: prioritize teaching these subjects to children Suggested revision: prioritize these subjects in the curriculum Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating teaching and children while retaining the recommendation.
- 10. Use simpler wording Original: evolving Suggested revision: changing Why it matters: Changing communicates the pace of social change more directly than the abstract evolving.
- 11. Use measured wording Original: dominates Suggested revision: shapes Why it matters: Shapes expresses substantial influence without the absolute implication of dominates.
- 12. Avoid informal idiom Original: think outside the box, experiment with new ideas Suggested revision: think creatively, experiment with new ideas Why it matters: Think creatively is more concise and formal than the idiom think outside the box.
Suggested Rewrites
- traditional subjects like art and music traditional subjects such as art and music
- in the development of children in children's development
- create make
- problem-solving skills that can be applied in other academic areas problem-solving skills that can be transferred to other academic areas
- different varied
- Children should indeed spend Children should spend
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay answers both questions clearly and develops relevant benefits for creativity, cultural awareness, confidence, and emotional expression in a polished, well-organised response. Its main limitation is repetition: creativity and problem-solving are developed twice, while the claim that schools should allocate more time is not weighed against other curriculum demands. The priority is to justify the additional time specifically and use the second body paragraph for distinct evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions receive clear affirmative answers supported by several relevant educational benefits, though the case for spending more school time is partly repetitive and not comparatively justified.
Explain why additional art and music time merits priority over competing curriculum demands and give that point distinct support.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and sequencing are clear, but repeated discussion of creativity and problem-solving limits progression between the body paragraphs.
Keep the first body paragraph on modern relevance and devote the second exclusively to why schools should allocate more time.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad, precise, and appropriate for education and development, with only minor repetition of phrases such as 'think outside the box.'
Vary repeated references to creativity and use more specific terms such as 'creative experimentation,' 'artistic practice,' and 'curriculum allocation.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
As a refinement, vary sentence openings and use concise structures where repeated relative clauses make the prose less direct.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies, and some suggest that children should learn them at school. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.