Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
Shopping has become a highly preferred, if not the most preferred, leisure activity for many young people today. This essay will examine the reasons for this trend and argue that young people should be encouraged to participate in a variety of other activities during their free time.
The rise of mega shopping malls with different amenities and the abundance of affordable fashion brands have made it easier and more convenient for young people to indulge in shopping as a pastime. Moreover, the internet has created a platform for fashion and beauty influencers to showcase their lifestyles and market products to impressionable young people, making shopping seem like an aspirational activity. Finally, the pressure to fit in and conform to social norms fuels the desire to keep up with fashion trends and maintain a certain image, which encourages more shopping.
However, young people should be motivated to explore a variety of activities that can improve their physical, emotional, and social well-being. Engaging in sports, volunteering for charitable organisations, or learning a new skill are just a few examples of fulfilling activities that can provide young people with a sense of purpose and personal growth. These activities can promote physical health, build self-confidence, and foster meaningful relationships with others. For instance, youths who get involved in developing skills in their leisure time, perform better academically and have better preparation for their future career.
In conclusion, while shopping may be a popular leisure activity among young people, they need to engage in diverse activities that can contribute to their personal development and well-being. Therefore, young people should be encouraged to explore a range of activities that can bring them joy and enrich their lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid repetitive emphasis Original: highly preferred, if not the most preferred Suggested revision: highly popular Why it matters: The replacement expresses the same prominence without repeating preferred.
- 2. Use precise modifier Original: different amenities Suggested revision: varied amenities Why it matters: Varied more directly describes the range of facilities available in the malls.
- 3. Remove overlapping wording Original: the pressure to fit in and conform to social norms Suggested revision: the pressure to conform to social norms Why it matters: Fit in and conform express substantially the same social pressure here.
- 4. Clarify the result link Original: which encourages more shopping Suggested revision: thereby encouraging further shopping Why it matters: Thereby makes the result relationship with maintaining an image more explicit.
- 5. Use consistent wording Original: motivated to explore Suggested revision: encouraged to explore Why it matters: Encouraged matches the task wording and the response's stated recommendation more directly.
- 6. Use natural group term Original: youths Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: Young people is the more natural term for this general age group in the essay.
- 7. Remove subject-verb comma Original: leisure time, perform better Suggested revision: leisure time perform better Why it matters: A comma should not separate the relative-clause subject from its main verb.
- 8. Use adjective construction Original: have better preparation for their future career Suggested revision: are better prepared for their future careers Why it matters: The adjective phrase is the natural construction, and the general reference requires a plural noun.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Engaging in sports, volunteering for charitable organisations, or learning a new skill are just a few examples of fulfilling activities that can provide young people with a sense of purpose and personal growth. Suggested revision: Engaging in sports, volunteering for charitable organisations, or learning a new skill are examples of fulfilling activities that can give young people a sense of purpose and support personal growth. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty collocation provide someone with personal growth while retaining the examples and claim.
- 10. Connect the final example Suggested revision: Link the academic-and-career example explicitly to the preceding point about personal growth. Why it matters: The final example shifts from broad well-being benefits to academic performance without a clear transition.
Suggested Rewrites
- highly preferred, if not the most preferred highly popular
- different amenities varied amenities
- the pressure to fit in and conform to social norms the pressure to conform to social norms
- which encourages more shopping thereby encouraging further shopping
- motivated to explore encouraged to explore
- youths young people
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its direct, well-organised coverage of both questions, explaining commercial, online, and social influences before presenting purposeful alternatives to shopping. Its main limitation is that the final academic-performance claim is broad and the alternatives could be evaluated against shopping more explicitly. The highest-priority improvement is to strengthen the comparison by explaining why the lasting physical, social, or developmental benefits of one alternative outweigh the short-term appeal of shopping.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are fully addressed with relevant, well-developed reasons, a clear position, and suitable examples of alternative activities.
Make the evaluation more explicit by comparing the long-term value of one alternative directly with the benefits and drawbacks of shopping.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from causes to the recommended alternatives and conclusion, with focused paragraphs and effective cohesive links.
Link the two body paragraphs more directly by showing how each proposed activity counters a specific pressure that encourages shopping.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective language for consumer influence, social pressure, and personal development.
Maintain the strong lexical range while avoiding slight repetition of “young people,” “activities,” and “free time” where clear reference is possible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, with only occasional minor punctuation and phrasing errors.
Remove the unnecessary comma separating the subject from its verb in the final body sentence and refine “have better preparation” to a natural form.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Shopping is the favourite free time activity for many young people today. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time rather than shopping?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.