Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
As the most of the countries’ revenue is collected from the public through the taxation system, it is imperative that governments spend the available fund for the most effective public services of the nation which is beneficial to society at large. Some people believe that governments should allocate sufficient fund for promoting music and arts as these kinds of entertainment activities help adults as well as children to get much relaxation, reduce their tensions and stresses in their busy day to day life. However, from my point of view, countries should employ most of their funds in important public services such as education, health and transport systems rather spending money on entertainment activities as this sector is less beneficial to the public than that of the important the three sectors mentioned above.
The most important sector of the economy is the education as the development of in this sector is one of the crucial requirements for a sustainable growth of a country in a long run. The governments all over the world have the responsibility to ensure that every citizen of the country is educated, at least to read and write. The investment in this sector will be in the form of establishing more schools, universities and vocational training centres for the school drop-outs and also providing scholarships for continuing higher education.
The next essential sector of the economy is the health. It is vital that everyone in the society has the means to get the basic health benefits. Governments can invest in the health sector in many ways. The medical practitioners should be taken care by providing them with the sufficient remuneration and benefits so that the important skill migration in the medical field of the country could be avoided. Also, the authorities can educate the general public and implement many vaccination programs across the countries to eradicate many diseases such as polio, chicken pox and malaria.
The last but not the least significant sector of the country is the public transportation system. States’ funds should be deployed in putting up proper transport network systems such as the building of metro-train facility around the city. More lanes on the highway roads can be built to facilitate the car-pooling for the commuters. This facility will reduce the carbon fuel emission and helps to reduce the global warming.
In conclusion, governments should spend a major portion of their funds on highly demanding public-service sectors such as health, education and public transportation rather than spending a huge money on the entertainment sectors such as theatres and music.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra article Original: As the most of the countries’ revenue Suggested revision: As most countries’ revenue Why it matters: Do not use "the" after "most" when speaking generally.
- 2. Plural noun Original: fund Suggested revision: funds Why it matters: Use plural "funds" for government money in general.
- 3. Agreement Original: is Suggested revision: are Why it matters: The phrase refers to plural public services.
- 4. Plural noun Original: fund Suggested revision: funds Why it matters: Use plural "funds" in this context.
- 5. Natural phrase Original: get much relaxation Suggested revision: relax Why it matters: This is more concise and natural.
- 6. Missing preposition Original: rather spending money Suggested revision: rather than spending money Why it matters: The comparative phrase requires "than".
- 7. Awkward noun phrase Original: the important the three sectors Suggested revision: the three important sectors Why it matters: Place the adjective before the noun phrase.
- 8. No article Original: the education Suggested revision: education Why it matters: Use no article when referring to the sector generally.
- 9. Remove extra preposition Original: development of in this sector Suggested revision: development in this sector Why it matters: The extra "of" makes the phrase ungrammatical.
- 10. Fixed phrase Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: This fixed expression requires "the".
- 11. No article Original: The next essential sector of the economy is the health Suggested revision: The next essential sector is health Why it matters: Use "health" without "the" when naming the sector.
- 12. General noun Original: everyone in the society Suggested revision: everyone in society Why it matters: No article is needed for society in general.
Suggested Rewrites
- As the most of the countries’ revenue As most countries’ revenue
- fund funds
- is are
- fund funds
- get much relaxation relax
- rather spending money rather than spending money
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response’s clearest strength is its well-organised, consistently stated case for prioritising education, healthcare and transport, supported by relevant sector-specific examples. Its main weakness is the limited treatment of why arts funding might still deserve public support, while frequent article and collocation errors reduce polish; the highest-priority improvement is therefore to add a developed concession and then edit for precise public-policy phrasing and accurate noun forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay gives a clear position that governments should prioritise public services over arts funding and develops education, health and transport as reasons. It acknowledges the arts briefly, but the opposing view is not developed enough for a fully balanced answer.
Add one body paragraph or a fuller concession explaining why some arts funding may still be justified before arguing that essential services deserve priority.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well organised into clear public-service sectors, with logical progression and a clear conclusion. Some linking is repetitive, and paragraphs are long but manageable.
Use more concise topic sentences and add one concession-to-position link after the introduction.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is broad and mostly appropriate, including terms such as "taxation system", "vocational training" and "public transportation". Some collocations are awkward or inaccurate, such as "available fund", "demanding public-service sectors" and "a huge money".
Use precise public-policy collocations: "public funds", "essential services", "healthcare provision", "transport infrastructure" and "arts subsidies".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses a range of complex sentences, but article errors, word-form problems and awkward prepositional phrases occur regularly. Meaning is generally clear and control is stronger than in many mid-band essays.
Proofread for articles and noun forms after quantifiers such as "most", "sufficient", "basic" and "a huge amount of".
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.