Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is certainly understandable that government should start looking at ways of improving their public facilities to a sustainable development. Government have to make a real innovation in keeping the stability of the society, which means that people should get good service from their government. There was a statement said that government should utilise the money for public importance, and do not use this money for other things like arts (music and theatre). Personally, I disagree with that statement. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my opinion.
Nowadays, to face the period of development, as a country they have to compete with other countries. Arts can offer a positive contribution to the development of the quality of life as a country. I believe that each country has their ability then they can compete with the others. For example, recently there are some world competitions related to ‘singing’ such as World Choir Competition, ASIAN Idol, etc. Every country sends their best participants to follow the competition. Two years ago, Indonesian delegate taking part in World Choir Competition held on 15–17 March 2013 at Belgium. They have to compete with 57 countries, and finally, they got gold medals for several categories.
In addition, I think that if a government invests some money to arts sector, it will create many advantages for the country itself. For instance, Indonesia has talented people in painting field, it means that they can make a beautiful creation to sale. One of popular painting is ‘Monalisa’ drawing. The Painting already became everlasting painting because it was drawn by the talented person, which the painter already creates many advantages for himself and his country. Another essential thing is people have to make a good teamwork with the government to produce huge advantages related to arts creations.
In conclusion, the government should invest some money to improve arts creation because it has a big opportunity to make a country more successful.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Missing article Original: government should start Suggested revision: the government should start Why it matters: Use “the government” for the institution.
- 2. Unclear phrase Original: public facilities to a sustainable development Suggested revision: public services in a sustainable way Why it matters: The original phrase does not express a clear relationship.
- 3. Agreement error Original: Government have Suggested revision: Governments have Why it matters: Use plural subject with plural verb.
- 4. Collocation Original: make a real innovation Suggested revision: make real improvements Why it matters: This is the natural phrase here.
- 5. Awkward clause Original: There was a statement said that Suggested revision: Some people argue that Why it matters: This introduces the opposing view clearly.
- 6. Word choice Original: public importance Suggested revision: public services Why it matters: Use the phrase from the task accurately.
- 7. Unclear transition Original: Nowadays, to face the period of development Suggested revision: In a period of rapid development Why it matters: This improves the paragraph opening.
- 8. Pronoun reference Original: as a country they have to compete Suggested revision: countries have to compete Why it matters: The pronoun reference is unclear.
- 9. Pronoun agreement Original: each country has their ability Suggested revision: each country has its own strengths Why it matters: Use singular “its” after “each country”.
- 10. Verb form Original: Indonesian delegate taking part Suggested revision: an Indonesian delegation took part Why it matters: A finite past-tense verb is needed.
- 11. Missing article Original: to arts sector Suggested revision: in the arts sector Why it matters: Use the correct preposition and article.
- 12. Wrong word form Original: to sale Suggested revision: to sell Why it matters: Use the verb after “to”.
Suggested Rewrites
- government should start the government should start
- public facilities to a sustainable development public services in a sustainable way
- Government have Governments have
- make a real innovation make real improvements
- There was a statement said that Some people argue that
- public importance public services
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear disagreement and supports arts funding, but it only partly addresses the argument for public services and some examples are weak.
Acknowledge why public services matter, then explain why limited arts funding is still valuable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable structure, but ideas jump from development to competitions to famous paintings without enough linking.
Keep one controlling idea per paragraph and link every example back to government spending.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows some range but many phrases are unnatural or imprecise.
Use collocations such as fund the arts, invest in public services, cultural sector, and public benefit.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Agreement, article, tense, and clause errors are frequent, especially in longer sentences.
Use simpler sentence patterns and check subject-verb agreement carefully.