It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Sample Response
Some people believe that parents and teachers should teach young children the distinction between right and wrong at an early age and punishment could be a useful tool to achieve this. I personally believe that retribution and penalty for bad conduct are meant to help children learn lessons and that is why certain punishments - those do not involve physically hurting them - could be useful for their proper growth.
To begin with, early childhood experiences and lessons have lasting impacts on someone’s life, and that is why, parents and teachers should try their best to teach morality and good behaviours to children while deterring them from growing bad habits. Children are curious and sometimes immature and do not understand the consequences of many of their acts. Therefore, they need guidance and discipline from parents and mentors. When they repeatedly violate a good rule or do something inappropriate, they should be warned and penalised if necessary. For instance, if a child hurts another child even after being explained several times that this is unacceptable, he or she should be disciplined verbally or deterred from having certain privileges so that they comprehend that their actions have consequences.
In my opinion, physical punishments and harsh words should never be used as a punishment. More effective penalties could be to take away some privileges for a while. For instance, parents and teachers could refrain from awarding the child chocolates or toys and remind the child why he or she does not deserve them. Moreover, parents and teachers could show less affection as a punishment sometimes. From my personal experience, I can say that I took matters more seriously when my father stopped talking to me for a while if he disliked something that I did. It was his way of punishment and it worked like magic.
To conclude, mild punishment is necessary to teach children morality and help them learn to distinguish good from bad. However, this punishment should not be physical. It may involve showing frustration and taking away certain privileges temporarily.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use proportionate wording Original: retribution and penalty for bad conduct Suggested revision: penalties for bad conduct Why it matters: Retribution suggests severe retaliation and is unnecessarily strong in this context.
- 2. Add the relative marker Original: those do not involve Suggested revision: those that do not involve Why it matters: That is needed to introduce the defining relative clause.
- 3. Remove the stray comma Original: that is why, parents Suggested revision: that is why parents Why it matters: No comma should separate this connector from the clause it introduces.
- 4. Use uncountable behaviour Original: behaviours Suggested revision: behaviour Why it matters: Behaviour is normally uncountable when referring generally to conduct.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: growing Suggested revision: developing Why it matters: People develop rather than grow habits in this sense.
- 6. Use natural phrasing Original: violate a good rule Suggested revision: break a clear rule Why it matters: Break a rule is the standard collocation, while good is imprecise here.
- 7. Fix the passive structure Original: explained Suggested revision: told Why it matters: A person is told something, whereas a matter is explained to a person.
- 8. Choose a precise verb Original: disciplined verbally Suggested revision: verbally reprimanded Why it matters: Reprimanded precisely describes the verbal disciplinary action intended.
- 9. Use the correct action Original: deterred from having certain privileges Suggested revision: denied certain privileges Why it matters: Deter means discourage an action, not remove access to privileges.
- 10. Use natural wording Original: awarding Suggested revision: giving Why it matters: Award is not the natural verb for providing chocolates in this situation.
- 11. Clarify the action Original: show less affection as a punishment sometimes Suggested revision: sometimes withhold affection as punishment Why it matters: The revision states the intended action more directly and naturally.
- 12. Fix the noun phrase Original: way of punishment Suggested revision: way of punishing me Why it matters: Way of punishment is not an idiomatic description of the father's action.
Suggested Rewrites
- retribution and penalty for bad conduct penalties for bad conduct
- those do not involve those that do not involve
- that is why, parents that is why parents
- behaviours behaviour
- growing developing
- violate a good rule break a clear rule
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response fully answers both questions, maintains a clear position, and develops its recommendations through relevant explanations and examples. Its main limitation is that some vocabulary combinations and grammatical constructions are unnatural, while the suggestion of withholding affection would benefit from more careful qualification. Prioritise expressing the proposed punishments with greater precision and explaining why each method is constructive, proportionate, and suitable for children.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay gives a clear degree of agreement and develops appropriate non-physical punishments with relevant support.
Qualify the recommendation to show less affection and explain how discipline can remain emotionally supportive as well as effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through its position, justification, permitted punishments, and conclusion with clear paragraph focus.
Reduce minor repetition of causal links and vary the way supporting examples are introduced.
Lexical Resource
A broad topic-specific vocabulary communicates nuanced ideas, but several collocations are awkward or not fully precise.
Use more natural combinations for forming habits, breaking rules, removing privileges, and describing forms of punishment.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used successfully, although occasional relative-clause, passive, and tense errors affect accuracy.
Check clause attachment and verb forms carefully, especially after relative pronouns and in sentences describing past experiences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.