Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is a good trend, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Sponsoring sports events as a means of advertising has become increasingly common among companies. While some individuals view this trend positively, others argue that it brings about certain drawbacks. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Personally, I contend that while sports sponsorship may provide visibility for companies, it can undermine the integrity of sports and lead to commercialization.
Firstly, proponents of sports sponsorship argue that it benefits both companies and athletes. By associating their brand with popular sporting events, companies can reach a wider audience and enhance their brand recognition. For instance, major sports tournaments like the FIFA World Cup attract millions of viewers worldwide, providing ample exposure for sponsors. Moreover, sponsorship deals often provide financial support to athletes, enabling them to pursue their sporting careers and achieve success.
However, detractors of sports sponsorship highlight the negative impact it can have on the purity of sports. When companies sponsor events or athletes, they often expect a return on their investment, which may compromise the integrity of the sport. For example, athletes may feel pressured to endorse products or behave in a certain way to please their sponsors, rather than focusing solely on their performance. This commercialization of sports can diminish the authenticity and spirit of competition.
In conclusion, while sports sponsorship may offer benefits such as financial support and increased visibility for companies, it also poses risks to the integrity of sports. As a result, I believe that excessive commercialization through sponsorship deals is not conducive to the true essence of sportsmanship and fair competition.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: Sponsoring sports events as a means of advertising Suggested revision: Sports sponsorship as a form of advertising Why it matters: The noun phrase states the topic more directly and concisely.
- 2. Simplify the phrase Original: brings about certain drawbacks Suggested revision: has certain drawbacks Why it matters: The direct verb avoids an unnecessarily wordy construction.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: provide visibility for companies Suggested revision: increase companies' visibility Why it matters: “Increase visibility” is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 4. Match plural subject Original: brand Suggested revision: brands Why it matters: The plural subject “companies” requires the plural noun “brands” in this general claim.
- 5. Use formal example phrase Original: major sports tournaments like Suggested revision: major sporting tournaments such as Why it matters: “Such as” introduces a formal example more appropriately than “like.”
- 6. Avoid repeated verb Original: provide Suggested revision: offer Why it matters: “Offer” avoids repeating “provide” while preserving the meaning.
- 7. Use precise concept Original: purity of sports Suggested revision: integrity of sport Why it matters: “Integrity” more precisely describes freedom from improper commercial influence.
- 8. Use concise wording Original: behave in a certain way Suggested revision: alter their behaviour Why it matters: The revised phrase is more concise and specific.
- 9. Clarify the pressure Original: to please their sponsors Suggested revision: to satisfy their sponsors' expectations Why it matters: The revision states more precisely what the athletes are pressured to do.
- 10. Refine the collocation Original: wider Suggested revision: broader Why it matters: “Broader audience” is a precise alternative that suits formal discussion of market reach.
- 11. Use direct wording Original: providing ample exposure for sponsors Suggested revision: giving sponsors substantial exposure Why it matters: The revision expresses the commercial benefit more directly.
- 12. Clarify the return Original: return on their investment Suggested revision: commercial return on their investment Why it matters: Adding “commercial” makes the sponsors' expected benefit explicit.
Suggested Rewrites
- Sponsoring sports events as a means of advertising Sports sponsorship as a form of advertising
- brings about certain drawbacks has certain drawbacks
- provide visibility for companies increase companies' visibility
- brand brands
- major sports tournaments like major sporting tournaments such as
- provide offer
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both perspectives and sustains a clear opinion, with relevant explanations and examples supporting each side. Its organisation is especially strong, and vocabulary and grammar are consistently precise. The main limitation is that the discussion remains somewhat conventional and could probe the conditions under which sponsorship becomes excessive; prioritise a more nuanced distinction between beneficial funding and harmful commercial influence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly and sufficiently developed, and the writer's position against excessive commercialisation remains clear throughout.
Distinguish more precisely between acceptable sponsorship and excessive commercial influence to add nuance to the judgment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced logically in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring progression.
Vary the opening transitions slightly so the already clear structure feels less formulaic.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, accurate, and well suited to the topic, with effective terms for branding, funding, integrity, and commercialisation.
Extend the lexical precision by differentiating financial support, brand exposure, endorsement pressure, and institutional influence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and naturally, with only negligible scope for refinement.
Experiment with more concise sentence openings while preserving the strong control of subordination and punctuation.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is a good trend, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.