Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Public health improvement has become a significant priority globally, with some individuals suggesting that building more sports facilities is the most effective strategy. Others argue that such an approach would have minimal impact, advocating alternative measures instead. Although both perspectives have merits, I believe increasing sports facilities offers the best solution for enhancing public health.
Those who doubt the effectiveness of additional sports facilities for enhanced public health argue that public health depends on various complex factors beyond just physical activity. They point out that dietary habits, healthcare accessibility, education on health-related issues, and living conditions play equally crucial roles in health outcomes. For instance, without adequate nutrition or knowledge about healthy lifestyles, people may remain unhealthy even if abundant sports centres are available. Thus, they suggest that investment should prioritise public awareness campaigns and improved healthcare infrastructure rather than sports amenities alone.
However, increasing the availability of sports facilities directly encourages regular physical activity, which is fundamental to overall health. When people have convenient and affordable access to gyms, swimming pools, or community sports centres, they are more likely to engage in regular exercise. For example, research has shown that towns with accessible recreational centres have significantly lower rates of obesity and related chronic diseases. Furthermore, sports facilities provide structured environments that motivate individuals to adopt healthier routines, which can substantially reduce the incidence of lifestyle-related illnesses such as diabetes and cardiovascular diseases.
In my opinion, while other factors like education and healthcare services are essential, accessible sports facilities are uniquely effective in promoting sustained physical activity, which directly combats numerous health issues. The availability of dedicated spaces for exercise creates a culture of health consciousness, leading to long-term improvements in public well-being.
In conclusion, although multiple factors influence public health, increasing sports facilities is indeed the most effective way to enhance overall public health due to its ability to encourage consistent physical activity and foster healthier lifestyle choices.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural noun phrase Original: Public health improvement Suggested revision: Improving public health Why it matters: The gerund phrase is a more natural subject than the compressed noun sequence.
- 2. Make the phrase concise Original: a significant priority globally Suggested revision: a major global priority Why it matters: This revision expresses the same importance with a more compact adjective order.
- 3. Use direct reporting language Original: some individuals suggesting Suggested revision: some people arguing Why it matters: Arguing more precisely introduces a contested view than suggesting.
- 4. Clarify the coordination Original: argue that such an approach would have minimal impact, advocating Suggested revision: argue that such an approach would have minimal impact and advocate Why it matters: The finite verb advocate clearly coordinates the two claims made by others.
- 5. Use the idiomatic expression Original: both perspectives have merits Suggested revision: both perspectives have merit Why it matters: Have merit is the more conventional expression for acknowledging validity.
- 6. State the view precisely Original: I believe increasing sports facilities offers the best solution for enhancing public health Suggested revision: I believe that expanding sports facilities is the most effective approach to improving public health Why it matters: The revision uses natural collocations while preserving the writer's stated preference.
- 7. Clarify the purpose phrase Original: additional sports facilities for enhanced public health Suggested revision: additional sports facilities as a means of improving public health Why it matters: As a means of makes the intended relationship between facilities and health explicit.
- 8. Avoid a vague quantifier Original: various complex factors Suggested revision: several complex factors Why it matters: Several gives the following list a clearer quantitative frame.
- 9. Remove redundant emphasis Original: beyond just physical activity Suggested revision: beyond physical activity alone Why it matters: Alone supplies the contrast without the informal filler just.
- 10. Use a natural collocation Original: healthcare accessibility Suggested revision: access to healthcare Why it matters: Access to healthcare is the standard expression for service availability.
- 11. Tighten list-to-example flow Suggested revision: Move directly from the list of non-sport factors to the nutrition and lifestyle example, then present the policy implication. Why it matters: This sequence would make the paragraph's evidence-to-recommendation progression more explicit.
- 12. Strengthen the contrast link Suggested revision: Use the opening transition to refer briefly to the preceding alternative measures before shifting to sports facilities. Why it matters: A more explicit backward link would sharpen the contrast between the two body paragraphs.
Suggested Rewrites
- Public health improvement Improving public health
- a significant priority globally a major global priority
- some individuals suggesting some people arguing
- argue that such an approach would have minimal impact, advocating argue that such an approach would have minimal impact and advocate
- both perspectives have merits both perspectives have merit
- I believe increasing sports facilities offers the best solution for enhancing public health I believe that expanding sports facilities is the most effective approach to improving public health
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay gives a balanced, well-developed discussion and maintains an explicit position, with particularly strong explanation of how access to facilities could encourage sustained exercise. The main limitation is slight overstatement in the unsupported research claim and in describing sports provision as uniquely effective despite the acknowledged importance of other measures. Prioritise qualifying that evidence and directly comparing the relative impact of facilities, education, and healthcare.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the position is consistent, and the main ideas are extended with relevant explanation and examples.
Qualify the unspecified research claim and compare sports facilities more directly with education and healthcare before declaring one approach uniquely effective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses smoothly through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices make the relationships between views and reasons consistently clear.
Integrate the separate opinion paragraph more tightly with the comparison to avoid briefly repeating the case for facilities.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys public-health concepts naturally, with only occasional slightly inflated phrasing.
Prefer direct expressions such as 'a norm of regular exercise' over more abstract phrases such as 'a culture of health consciousness'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used flexibly and with consistently high accuracy throughout.
Maintain this control while streamlining the longest relative-clause sentences for even greater concision.
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