Many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise, while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The issue of whether fast food companies should be prohibited from advertising is a topic of ongoing debate. Some argue that such restrictions are necessary to address the rising health concerns related to fast food consumption, while others advocate for the freedom of all companies to advertise their products. This essay will examine both perspectives and offer an opinion that fast-food companies should be allowed to advertise and restricting this does not address the root cause.
One compelling argument against fast food advertising is its association with health problems, particularly obesity and related diseases. Constant exposure to enticing commercials promoting high-calorie, sugary, and fatty meals may encourage unhealthy eating habits among children and adults alike. For instance, numerous studies have linked the prevalence of fast food advertisements to an increase in obesity rates, especially in young individuals who are more vulnerable to marketing tactics.
On the other hand, proponents of advertising freedom argue that restricting fast-food companies from advertising infringes upon their right to promote their products in the market. They contend that consumers should have access to information about a wide range of products and make their choices accordingly. Allowing companies to advertise fosters healthy competition and encourages innovation and improvement in products and services.
In my opinion, placing a blanket ban on fast food advertising might not address the root causes of unhealthy eating habits. Personal responsibility, education, and regulations that focus on accurate nutritional information could be more effective in promoting healthier lifestyles.
In conclusion, the issue of fast food advertising evokes diverse opinions. While prohibiting fast food advertising is suggested by some, I believe that it is not necessary. Rather regulation, personal responsibility and educational campaigns can bring more favourable results.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: rising Suggested revision: growing Why it matters: Concerns typically “grow,” while measurable rates or figures “rise.”
- 2. Refine advertising phrase Original: Constant exposure to enticing commercials Suggested revision: Repeated exposure to persuasive advertisements Why it matters: The revision is more precise and appropriately formal for this context.
- 3. Use concise wording Original: individuals Suggested revision: people Why it matters: “Young people” is clearer and more natural without losing formality.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: in the market Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Promoting products already implies doing so commercially, so this phrase adds no meaning.
- 5. Clarify consumer action Original: make their choices accordingly Suggested revision: make informed choices Why it matters: The revision states more directly how product information affects consumers.
- 6. Make regulation precise Original: regulations that focus on accurate nutritional information Suggested revision: regulations requiring accurate nutritional information Why it matters: “Requiring” states the intended function of the regulations more directly.
- 7. Add introductory comma Original: Rather regulation Suggested revision: Rather, regulation Why it matters: The sentence adverb “Rather” requires a following comma.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: bring more favourable results Suggested revision: produce better results Why it matters: “Produce results” is the standard collocation and is more concise.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: This essay will examine both perspectives and offer an opinion that fast-food companies should be allowed to advertise and restricting this does not address the root cause. Suggested revision: This essay will examine both perspectives and argue that fast-food companies should be allowed to advertise because restricting them does not address the root cause. Why it matters: The rewrite fixes the faulty coordination and makes the relationship between the two claims explicit.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: While prohibiting fast food advertising is suggested by some, I believe that it is not necessary. Suggested revision: Although some people advocate prohibiting fast food advertising, I do not believe that such a ban is necessary. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the awkward passive construction and clarifies the pronoun reference.
- 11. Separate supporting benefits Suggested revision: Present access to product information first, then use a clear additive link to introduce competition and innovation as a second benefit. Why it matters: This structure would make the two supporting points easier to distinguish and follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- rising growing
- Constant exposure to enticing commercials Repeated exposure to persuasive advertisements
- individuals people
- in the market Delete
- make their choices accordingly make informed choices
- regulations that focus on accurate nutritional information regulations requiring accurate nutritional information
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay’s strongest feature is its balanced, well-developed treatment of both views before advancing a clear alternative to a blanket advertising ban. Its main limitation is minor grammatical and stylistic imprecision rather than argument quality; the highest-priority improvement is to make the thesis structure fully parallel and sharpen how nutritional regulation, education, and personal responsibility address the stated root causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the position is clear throughout, and relevant reasons and examples support the argument for regulation rather than prohibition.
Develop one concrete link between accurate nutritional information and healthier consumer decisions to make the proposed alternative even more explicit.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through each view, the writer’s opinion, and a consistent conclusion, with effective paragraphing and cohesive control.
Integrate the short opinion paragraph with the preceding counterargument or develop it slightly further to balance paragraph weight.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and precise across health, commercial freedom, regulation, and consumer choice, with only minor repetition.
Vary repeated phrases such as “fast food advertising” where a clear pronoun or “such marketing” would remain unambiguous.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with occasional punctuation and parallelism lapses.
Revise the thesis to “companies should be allowed to advertise because restricting them does not address the root cause” and add a comma after “Rather.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise, while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.