Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefit. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
International cooperation has become increasingly vital in today’s interconnected world. While some argue that its primary benefit lies in environmental protection, others believe that businesses reap the greatest rewards. Both perspectives have merit, and this essay will discuss both viewpoints before presenting my own opinion. On one hand, international cooperation plays a pivotal role in addressing global environmental challenges. Climate change, pollution, and biodiversity loss transcend national boundaries and require collective action, with initiatives such as the Paris Agreement demonstrating how countries can unite to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and promote sustainable development. Additionally, international partnerships facilitate the sharing of knowledge, technology, and resources, enabling less developed nations to adopt eco-friendly practices. For example, collaborative projects like reforestation campaigns or clean energy initiatives highlight how environmental protection is bolstered through global alliances. On the other hand, businesses also benefit significantly from international cooperation. Trade agreements and economic partnerships, such as CPTPP and ASEAN, have created opportunities for companies to expand their markets, access diverse resources, and achieve economies of scale. Moreover, multinational corporations often leverage international collaborations to innovate, reduce costs, and enhance efficiency. For instance, companies operating across borders can tap into specialised expertise or cheaper labor markets, driving profits and competitiveness. In my opinion, while international cooperation undoubtedly boosts business, its most crucial benefit lies in environmental protection. Economic growth can occur through various means, but safeguarding the planet requires a unified global effort. Without addressing environmental concerns, the long-term viability of businesses and human life itself is at risk. Thus, prioritising environmental collaboration ensures a sustainable future for all. In, international cooperation benefits both the environment and businesses. However, its role in protecting the environment is paramount, as it underpins the well-being of the planet and humanity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete paired transition Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The fixed contrastive transition requires the definite article.
- 2. Use concise wording Original: the sharing of knowledge Suggested revision: sharing knowledge Why it matters: The gerund phrase conveys the same meaning more directly without the unnecessary nominal form.
- 3. Improve market collocation Original: cheaper labor markets Suggested revision: lower-cost labour markets Why it matters: This is a more precise and appropriately formal collocation for markets with lower labour costs.
- 4. Refine business collocation Original: driving profits and competitiveness Suggested revision: increasing profitability and competitiveness Why it matters: Profitability pairs more naturally with competitiveness as a general business outcome.
- 5. Specify the beneficiaries Original: boosts business Suggested revision: benefits businesses Why it matters: The revision clearly identifies companies as the beneficiaries of cooperation.
- 6. Clarify paired concepts Original: the well-being of the planet and humanity Suggested revision: the health of the planet and the well-being of humanity Why it matters: Using a distinct noun for each referent makes the final claim more precise.
- 7. Use measured wording Original: vital Suggested revision: important Why it matters: Important makes the opening claim clear without overstating it.
- 8. Match prompt language Original: reap the greatest rewards Suggested revision: receive the greatest benefits Why it matters: Benefits aligns more directly with the comparison established by the task.
- 9. Use direct phrasing Original: plays a pivotal role Suggested revision: plays an important role Why it matters: The revision conveys the claim clearly in a less formulaic way.
- 10. Use concise term Original: less developed nations Suggested revision: developing nations Why it matters: Developing nations expresses the intended category more concisely.
- 11. Use formal terminology Original: eco-friendly practices Suggested revision: environmentally sustainable practices Why it matters: The revision uses a more formal term suited to an academic discussion.
- 12. Avoid business jargon Original: leverage international collaborations Suggested revision: use international partnerships Why it matters: The revision is clearer and avoids an unnecessarily promotional verb.
Suggested Rewrites
- On one hand On the one hand
- the sharing of knowledge sharing knowledge
- cheaper labor markets lower-cost labour markets
- driving profits and competitiveness increasing profitability and competitiveness
- boosts business benefits businesses
- the well-being of the planet and humanity the health of the planet and the well-being of humanity
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response handles both perspectives thoroughly, maintains a clear preference for environmental protection, and supports its reasoning with relevant international examples. Its main limitation is a somewhat formulaic presentation and an incomplete final transition, so the strongest improvement would be to streamline the repeated conclusion and ensure every linking phrase is fully formed and purposeful.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully examined through relevant explanations and examples, and the preference for environmental protection remains clear.
Deepen the comparison by explaining more explicitly why environmental gains outweigh the substantial business benefits discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through the two views and the writer's opinion, although the ending repeats the conclusion and begins with a malformed transition.
Condense the final two sections into one decisive conclusion and check that every transition links complete ideas.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and suitably academic, with effective topic-specific choices such as economies of scale and greenhouse gas emissions.
Replace a few familiar evaluative phrases with more exact comparative wording to make the argument sound less formulaic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and fluently, with only a minor breakdown in the final transition.
Proofread sentence openings carefully so that fragments such as the incomplete concluding phrase are removed.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefit. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.