You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task. You need to write an essay addressing the topic below Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Your essay should comprise a minimum of 250 words.
Sample Response
The proliferation of identical shops and products across many countries is a topic of debate, with some viewing it as advantageous while others see it as detrimental. I believe that this development is largely beneficial.
On the one hand, the widespread presence of global brands and products is seen as a positive development. This trend promotes economic growth by creating job opportunities and boosting consumer spending. For instance, the entry of multinational companies into emerging markets often leads to the construction of new retail outlets and factories, thereby providing employment for local residents. Moreover, the availability of familiar brands ensures that consumers have access to high-quality and reliable products, enhancing their shopping experience. Consequently, the presence of these global entities can significantly contribute to the economic and social well-being of a country.
On the other hand, some argue that the dominance of the same shops and products worldwide has negative implications. One major concern is the potential loss of local culture and identity. As global brands overshadow local businesses, unique cultural traditions and products may gradually disappear. For example, traditional handicrafts and local cuisines may struggle to survive in the face of competition from mass-produced goods. Additionally, the environmental impact of producing and transporting these global products is a significant issue. The carbon footprint associated with the global supply chain can contribute to environmental degradation, which is a growing concern in today's world. Thus, the negative consequences of this phenomenon should not be overlooked.
In conclusion, while some individuals believe that the global spread of identical shops and products poses risks to local cultures and the environment, I am of the opinion that it is more of a positive development, offering economic benefits and consumer satisfaction.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural preposition Original: across Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Use the more natural preposition for describing where shops and products are found.
- 2. Clearer reference Original: viewing it as advantageous Suggested revision: viewing this trend as advantageous Why it matters: Name the trend directly so the reference is immediately clear.
- 3. More precise noun Original: construction Suggested revision: establishment Why it matters: Establishment more accurately covers the opening of both outlets and factories.
- 4. Natural collocation Original: providing employment for local residents Suggested revision: creating jobs for local residents Why it matters: Creating jobs is a more direct and natural collocation in this context.
- 5. Concise reference Original: the presence of these global entities Suggested revision: their presence Why it matters: The possessive reference links back clearly to the global brands without unnecessary repetition.
- 6. Sharper expression Original: the potential loss of local culture and identity Suggested revision: the potential erosion of local cultures and identities Why it matters: Erosion expresses gradual decline more precisely, while the plurals fit the international context.
- 7. Precise description Original: these global products Suggested revision: these globally distributed products Why it matters: The revision clarifies that the products are distributed internationally rather than inherently global.
- 8. Tighter attachment Original: which is a growing concern in today's world Suggested revision: an increasingly serious concern Why it matters: The appositive removes an imprecise relative-clause reference and states the point concisely.
- 9. Concise stance wording Original: more of a positive development Suggested revision: predominantly a positive development Why it matters: Predominantly expresses the qualified positive judgement more concisely.
- 10. Concise expression Original: a topic of debate Suggested revision: widely debated Why it matters: The adjective phrase conveys the same idea more directly.
- 11. Sharper verb choice Original: boosting Suggested revision: stimulating Why it matters: Stimulating is a more precise verb for encouraging economic activity.
- 12. Concrete wording Original: has negative implications Suggested revision: can have negative consequences Why it matters: Consequences states the adverse effects more directly, while can avoids an absolute claim.
Suggested Rewrites
- across in
- viewing it as advantageous viewing this trend as advantageous
- construction establishment
- providing employment for local residents creating jobs for local residents
- the presence of these global entities their presence
- the potential loss of local culture and identity the potential erosion of local cultures and identities
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response is strongest in its balanced, clearly organised discussion, with relevant economic, cultural, and environmental support and a consistently clear position. Its main limitation is that it asserts the development is largely beneficial without fully explaining why the economic and consumer gains outweigh the cultural and environmental costs. The highest-priority improvement is to add an explicit comparative justification for that final judgement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both views directly, sustains a clear opinion, and develops relevant supporting ideas.
Explain explicitly why the stated benefits carry greater weight than the acknowledged cultural and environmental costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices make the argument easy to follow.
Vary the paragraph transitions and rely more on the logical relationship between ideas than on conventional signposting.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys economic, cultural, consumer, and environmental ideas effectively.
Replace a few broad evaluative phrases with more exact language that sharpens the comparison between the two views.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used flexibly and accurately, with consistently controlled grammar and punctuation.
Maintain this level of control while experimenting with even more concise sentence patterns for emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task. You need to write an essay addressing the topic below Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Your essay should comprise a minimum of 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.