Some feel that the effects of advertising are positive for individuals and businesses, while others think they are negative. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
As advertising becomes increasingly invasive, there has been an increase in debates concerning its effects. In my opinion, advertising is on the whole a negative due to its impact on the average individual, though it is clearly beneficial for businesses.
It is hard to argue against the positive boon that advertising has brought to a variety of industries. In the 1950s and 60s, the growth of American advertising in particular ushered in an age of rampant commercial opportunity. Corporations ranging from automoblie manufacturers to airlines to soft drink companies took advantage of the emerging medium of television to reach wider audiences. By appealing to basic human psychology, they were able to tap into a nearly limitless market that eventually expanded globally and is now supported by ruthlessly efficient and profitable online marketing methods.
Nonetheless, advertising mainly serves to distract and entice. The purpose of advertisements is not simply to inform. Consumers can find information about products from a number of sources of their own volition. Advertising attracts individuals and creates new desires that distract from healthier modes of living. For example, the average person would be better served by eating a healthy diet and exercising regularly. However, ubiquitous advertisements for fast food make this difficult, in some cases impossible, to achieve. Generalised across a range of consumer products, it is clear that people are being drawn unhealthily towards their worst impulses.
In conclusion, the benefits of advertising for the business world do not outweigh its psychological impact on the average citizen. A world without advertising is not feasible but it is still possible to limit one’s exposure.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise wording Original: an increase in debates Suggested revision: more debate Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise collocation for growing public discussion.
- 2. Clarify evaluation Original: on the whole a negative Suggested revision: negative overall Why it matters: This wording expresses the overall judgement more naturally.
- 3. Remove redundancy Original: positive boon Suggested revision: boon Why it matters: A boon is already positive, so the adjective is redundant.
- 4. Correct spelling Original: automoblie Suggested revision: automobile Why it matters: The noun is misspelled.
- 5. Use direct wording Original: of their own volition Suggested revision: independently Why it matters: This conveys the same idea more directly in this context.
- 6. Clarify the object Original: distract from healthier modes of living Suggested revision: divert them from healthier ways of living Why it matters: Adding the object makes clear that consumers are being diverted.
- 7. Add linking comma Original: not feasible but Suggested revision: not feasible, but Why it matters: A comma should precede the conjunction joining these independent clauses.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: By appealing to basic human psychology, they were able to tap into a nearly limitless market that eventually expanded globally and is now supported by ruthlessly efficient and profitable online marketing methods. Suggested revision: By appealing to basic human psychology, businesses tapped into a nearly limitless market that eventually became global, while ruthlessly efficient and profitable online marketing methods now help them reach consumers. Why it matters: The rewrite clarifies the changing time frame and separates the market's expansion from the role of online marketing.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: However, ubiquitous advertisements for fast food make this difficult, in some cases impossible, to achieve. Suggested revision: However, ubiquitous fast-food advertising can make it difficult, and in some cases impossible, to maintain these habits. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the vague references with a clear link to healthy eating and exercise.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Generalised across a range of consumer products, it is clear that people are being drawn unhealthily towards their worst impulses. Suggested revision: When this pattern is generalised across a range of consumer products, it is clear that people are being drawn towards their worst impulses. Why it matters: The original opening modifier has no clear grammatical subject and the adverb is awkwardly placed.
Suggested Rewrites
- an increase in debates more debate
- on the whole a negative negative overall
- positive boon boon
- automoblie automobile
- of their own volition independently
- distract from healthier modes of living divert them from healthier ways of living
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops both the commercial benefits and individual harms of advertising with relevant, well-connected examples. Its main limitation is that the positive case focuses almost entirely on businesses, leaving possible benefits to individuals unexplored. The highest-priority improvement is to broaden that side of the discussion while retaining the essay's precise, controlled style.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly discusses both perspectives, maintains a clear opinion, and develops its main ideas with relevant explanation and examples.
Develop a specific positive effect on individuals as well as businesses to make the discussion even more comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader without becoming intrusive.
Strengthen the bridge between the historical business example and the broader claim about current commercial benefits.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced argument, with only isolated spelling and collocational slips.
Proofread for small lapses such as the misspelling of automobile and slightly awkward combinations such as positive boon.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence structures is used accurately and naturally, with errors rare and non-impeding.
Refine occasional article and phrasing choices, such as describing advertising as a negative, to increase idiomatic precision.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some feel that the effects of advertising are positive for individuals and businesses, while others think they are negative. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.