Many people think that zoos are cruel. Others think they are helpful in protecting rare animals. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some concerned groups feel that zoos are cruelly exploitative while others argue they serve the vital function of protecting endangered animals. In my opinion, though zoos are inherently unnatural, their efforts are laudable overall.
Those activists who decry the existence of zoos often point out how animals live in the wild. A lion in the African Serengeti, one of the few remaining preserves for lions in their natural habitat, roams over miles of grassland, hunts for meals and competes with rival prides. This is how lions have lived for thousands of years and is the natural byproduct of a generational process of evolution. The same lion placed in a zoo paces a small cage, is tossed already dead meat to eat, and rarely has other lions to interact or mate with. The evidence for zoos as a cruel institution lies in the contrasting of a natural and unnatural lifestyle and turning proud beasts into scavengers.
Regardless, zoos are essential for the preservation and cultivation of endangered species. There are countless animals ranging from various big cats (lions, tigers, leopards, and other sub-species), to pandas, rhinoceros, gorillas, pangolins and many more that depend on zoos for protection and safe breeding grounds. These animals have been driven to the brink of extinction either by loss of habitat due to rampant development and climate change or hunted for their fur or alleged medicinal properties. Responsible zoos are tasked with breeding them in order to stabilise falling populations and then re-introducing them into the wild. Without these zoos, many species would likely already have gone extinct.
In conclusion, zoos are fundamentally artificial but also a net positive because of their conservation efforts. To ensure this remains the case, these refuges must be well-regulated and governments should enact complementary solutions such as anti-poaching laws.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix adjective pairing Original: cruelly exploitative Suggested revision: cruel and exploitative Why it matters: The original adverb-adjective combination does not clearly express the two criticisms.
- 2. Improve preposition Original: over Suggested revision: across Why it matters: “Across” more naturally describes movement over an extensive area.
- 3. Complete verb pattern Original: other lions to interact or mate with Suggested revision: other lions to interact with or mate with Why it matters: Both coordinated verbs require the preposition “with.”
- 4. Fix contrast phrase Original: lies in the contrasting of Suggested revision: lies in the contrast between Why it matters: The standard construction is “the contrast between” two things.
- 5. Use plural lifestyles Original: a natural and unnatural lifestyle Suggested revision: natural and unnatural lifestyles Why it matters: The two contrasting ways of life require a plural noun.
- 6. Use suitable collocation Original: preservation and cultivation of endangered species Suggested revision: protection and breeding of endangered species Why it matters: “Cultivation” is not the appropriate term for managing animal populations.
- 7. Use precise adjective Original: falling Suggested revision: declining Why it matters: “Declining” is the conventional adjective for decreasing wildlife populations.
- 8. Correct adverb position Original: already have gone extinct Suggested revision: have already gone extinct Why it matters: “Already” normally follows the auxiliary in this present perfect construction.
- 9. Clarify reference Original: refuges Suggested revision: zoos Why it matters: The paragraph refers to zoos as institutions, so “refuges” is an imprecise substitute.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: This is how lions have lived for thousands of years and is the natural byproduct of a generational process of evolution. Suggested revision: This way of life has developed over thousands of years through a generational process of evolution. Why it matters: The rewrite supplies a clear subject for both parts and removes the faulty coordination.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: There are countless animals ranging from various big cats (lions, tigers, leopards, and other sub-species), to pandas, rhinoceros, gorillas, pangolins and many more that depend on zoos for protection and safe breeding grounds. Suggested revision: Countless animals depend on zoos for protection and safe breeding grounds, including big cats such as lions, tigers and leopards, as well as pandas, rhinoceroses, gorillas and pangolins. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the broken “ranging from … to” list and clarifies what the relative clause modifies.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: These animals have been driven to the brink of extinction either by loss of habitat due to rampant development and climate change or hunted for their fur or alleged medicinal properties. Suggested revision: These animals have been driven to the brink of extinction either by habitat loss caused by rampant development and climate change or by hunting for their fur or alleged medicinal properties. Why it matters: The rewrite restores parallel structure after “either … or.”
Suggested Rewrites
- cruelly exploitative cruel and exploitative
- over across
- other lions to interact or mate with other lions to interact with or mate with
- lies in the contrasting of lies in the contrast between
- a natural and unnatural lifestyle natural and unnatural lifestyles
- preservation and cultivation of endangered species protection and breeding of endangered species
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response gives a direct, nuanced position and develops both sides with specific, persuasive reasoning, especially through the contrast between lions in the wild and captivity and the explanation of conservation breeding. Organisation is highly controlled and the vocabulary is notably flexible. Only rare awkward phrasing and a minor lapse in grammatical parallelism limit polish; the priority is a final edit for idiomatic precision and structural symmetry.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay fully answers every part of the task, develops both views in depth, and maintains a clear, qualified opinion with relevant support.
For further refinement, briefly acknowledge a condition under which conservation benefits might fail, strengthening the qualification already present.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses seamlessly through distinct, well-developed paragraphs, and cohesive links are natural and unobtrusive.
Preserve this clear progression while slightly tightening the long species list so the conservation paragraph moves even more efficiently.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and sophisticated throughout, with only rare awkward choices such as 'preservation and cultivation' and 'the contrasting of'.
Replace the few non-idiomatic nominal phrases with simpler natural alternatives while retaining the essay's strong lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used flexibly and accurately, with only rare lapses such as the faulty parallelism in 'either by loss ... or hunted'.
Check paired constructions for exact grammatical symmetry during final proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that zoos are cruel. Others think they are helpful in protecting rare animals. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.