Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
The entertainment industry has grown rapidly over the years. The artists are getting paid much more than anybody else. I strongly agree that they are getting higher wages in comparison to other sectors which deserves to be highly paid. This essay discusses the outrageous gap between performers and other professions and opinion about other jobs which should be well paid.
To begin with, entertainers’ income does not reflect in their work. For instance, sports stars such as cricketers are getting a vast amount of money for playing the game besides their performance. However, the people who are spending their money in cricket for business purpose obviously are not hand over very well. So it is clear that salaries of performers do not match the job they perform at all.
Secondly, artists' income can easily be distinguished from other professionals. Such as, the Hollywood superstar, Angelina Julie, can easily make one million dollars by participating in a single movie. In contrary, this number can never be achieved by workers of other industries. Apart from these entertainers, there are other sectors that deserve to be paid higher for their services. For example, teachers are in charge of education and moral character of next generation but considered underpaid. The other most important and foremost professional is a doctor who saves lives and gives hope to people by serving day and night should be paid off equal to the meaningful contributions they make.
In summary, entertainers do not offer anything greater than other workers. It is recommended that people who work hard should be rewarded appropriately so that the gap between stipends of different jobs should not be too significant.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a generic plural Original: The artists Suggested revision: Artists Why it matters: A plural noun referring to a profession generally does not take the definite article.
- 2. Use the simple present Original: are getting paid much more Suggested revision: are paid much more Why it matters: The simple present is more appropriate for this general claim.
- 3. Compare people with people Original: other sectors which deserves to be highly paid Suggested revision: workers in other sectors who deserve to be highly paid Why it matters: Sectors cannot themselves be paid, and the relative clause must agree with workers.
- 4. Add the missing verb Original: and opinion about other jobs Suggested revision: and gives my opinion about other jobs Why it matters: The coordinated phrase needs a verb to express what the essay does.
- 5. Use an exact verb Original: are getting a vast amount of money Suggested revision: earn vast amounts of money Why it matters: Earn is more concise and natural when describing income.
- 6. Name the activity precisely Original: game Suggested revision: sport Why it matters: Sport refers clearly to cricket, whereas the game is less precise here.
- 7. Clarify the relationship Original: besides their performance Suggested revision: regardless of their performance Why it matters: Besides does not express the intended contrast between payment and performance.
- 8. Use the possessive form Original: salaries of performers Suggested revision: performers' salaries Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise and natural here.
- 9. Correct the collocation Original: the job they perform Suggested revision: the work they do Why it matters: People do work; perform a job is an unnatural collocation in this sentence.
- 10. Compare equivalent things Original: distinguished from other professionals Suggested revision: compared with those of other professionals Why it matters: Income should be compared with other professionals' incomes, not with the professionals themselves.
- 11. Use film vocabulary Original: participating in a single movie Suggested revision: appearing in a single film Why it matters: Actors appear in films rather than participate in them.
- 12. Correct the connector Original: contrary Suggested revision: contrast Why it matters: In contrast is the fixed expression used to introduce this comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- The artists Artists
- are getting paid much more are paid much more
- other sectors which deserves to be highly paid workers in other sectors who deserve to be highly paid
- and opinion about other jobs and gives my opinion about other jobs
- are getting a vast amount of money earn vast amounts of money
- game sport
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers both questions, maintains a clear view that entertainers are overpaid, and identifies teachers and doctors as deserving higher salaries. Development is uneven, however, because the case against entertainers is sometimes unclear and several grammatical and lexical errors disrupt precision. Build each argument around a clearly explained reason, then edit sentence boundaries, clause structure, and collocations so the comparisons are consistently accurate.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both the pay disparity and which jobs merit higher salaries, but some reasons are unclear or only briefly explained.
Explain why entertainers' pay is unjustified with a coherent cause-and-effect argument, then develop the social value of teachers and doctors more fully.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the response a recognisable progression, although mechanical linking and a few poorly connected sentences interrupt the flow.
Use clear topic sentences and connect each example directly to the claim it is intended to support.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss pay and professions, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices often make claims imprecise.
Replace expressions such as reflect in their work, paid off equal, and stipends with standard language for earnings, contribution, and remuneration.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied sentence forms, but frequent agreement, article, fragment, and clause-structure errors sometimes strain understanding.
Rewrite each long sentence around one complete main clause, then check subject-verb agreement, articles, and relative-clause attachment.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that film stars, musicians and sports stars are highly paid whereas professionals of other important sectors are comparatively less paid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In your opinion which types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.