Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
The objective of one's career has long been a subject of intense debate, with some advocating for pursuing a passion while others viewing it as primarily a means to earn a livelihood. This essay will explore both perspectives and argue that pursuing a passion should be the primary objective of one's career.
For those who believe that a career is primarily a way to earn a livelihood, practical considerations such as financial stability and job security take precedence over personal passions. In today's competitive world, many individuals prioritise meeting their basic needs and supporting their families, which can be achieved through pragmatic career choices. For instance, in developing countries, where economic opportunities are limited, individuals often have to opt for careers that offer financial stability, even if they do not align with their passions.
On the other hand, pursuing a passion as a career brings intrinsic satisfaction and a sense of purpose to an individual's life. When people follow their passions, they are more likely to be dedicated, enthusiastic, and committed to their work. This heightened level of engagement can lead to exceptional performance and creativity, as individuals are driven by their love for what they do. Consider the story of J.K. Rowling, the renowned author of the "Harry Potter" series. Writing was her passion, and she pursued it despite facing numerous rejections and financial struggles. Rowling's dedication to her passion eventually paid off when her first "Harry Potter" book was published, becoming an instant success.
While earning a livelihood is important for financial stability, it should not be the sole purpose of one's career. Pursuing a passion allows individuals to find fulfilment and happiness in their work, leading to greater job satisfaction and productivity. When people are passionate about their careers, they are more likely to excel and make meaningful contributions to society.
In conclusion, by following their passions, individuals can find purpose and fulfilment in their work, leading to greater personal and professional growth. So it is expected that people would follow their dream and passion rather than chase money when they decide upon their careers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove extra preposition Original: advocating for pursuing Suggested revision: advocating pursuing Why it matters: Advocate takes a gerund directly without for in this construction.
- 2. Supply finite verb Original: viewing Suggested revision: view Why it matters: The coordinated clause requires a finite verb parallel to advocating.
- 3. Clarify career phrasing Original: pursuing a passion as a career Suggested revision: building a career around a passion Why it matters: The revision expresses the relationship between passion and career more naturally.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: heightened Suggested revision: high Why it matters: High conveys the degree directly without the unnecessary participial adjective.
- 5. Name the activity Original: dedication to her passion Suggested revision: dedication to writing Why it matters: Naming writing avoids repeating passion and makes the reference more concrete.
- 6. State recommendation directly Original: So it is expected that people would Suggested revision: Therefore, people should Why it matters: Should directly expresses the recommendation, while expected that would is awkward here.
- 7. Use plural nouns Original: their dream and passion Suggested revision: their dreams and passions Why it matters: The plural forms agree with the general reference to multiple people.
- 8. Use formal income phrase Original: chase money Suggested revision: prioritise income Why it matters: The revised phrase is more precise and appropriate for an academic essay.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Rowling's dedication to her passion eventually paid off when her first "Harry Potter" book was published, becoming an instant success. Suggested revision: Rowling's dedication eventually paid off when her first "Harry Potter" book was published and became an instant success. Why it matters: The rewrite makes the book, rather than the act of publication, the clear subject of became.
- 10. Avoid a repetitive paragraph Suggested revision: Integrate this paragraph's repeated benefits of passion into paragraph 2 so the discussion progresses without restating the same point. Why it matters: This paragraph largely repeats satisfaction, productivity, and contribution claims already developed above.
Suggested Rewrites
- advocating for pursuing advocating pursuing
- viewing view
- pursuing a passion as a career building a career around a passion
- heightened high
- dedication to her passion dedication to writing
- So it is expected that people would Therefore, people should
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, sustained position and well-developed explanation of both career perspectives, supported by relevant examples. Its main limitation is some repetition of the benefits of passion in the later paragraphs; the highest-priority improvement is to use that space for a more nuanced examination of when financial necessity may reasonably outweigh personal fulfilment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's opinion are addressed directly, with relevant and well-developed support throughout.
Add a more nuanced qualification of the preferred view by considering circumstances in which financial necessity may take priority.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clearly focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the comparison effectively.
Reduce the overlap between the fourth paragraph and conclusion so each paragraph advances the argument distinctly.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys abstract ideas naturally, with only minor repetition around passion and fulfilment.
Vary repeated key terms selectively while preserving the precise distinctions between motivation, satisfaction, and purpose.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few minor lapses do not affect clarity.
Refine occasional awkward parallelism and modal choices, particularly in the opening and final sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.