Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
People have different views about how governments should measure their countries’ progress. While economic progress is of course essential, I agree with those who believe that other measures of progress are just as important.
There are three key reasons why economic growth is seen as a fundamental goal for countries. Firstly, a healthy economy results in job creation, a high level of employment, and better salaries for all citizens. Secondly, economic progress ensures that more money is available for governments to spend on infrastructure and public services. For example, a government with higher revenues can invest in the country’s transport network, its education system and its hospitals. Finally, a strong economy can help a country’s standing on the global stage, in terms of its political influence and trading power.
However, I would argue that various other forms of progress are just as significant as the economic factors mentioned above. In particular, we should consider the area of social justice, human rights, equality and democracy itself. For example, the treatment of minority groups is often seen as a reflection of the moral standards and level of development of a society. Perhaps another key consideration when judging the progress of a modern country should be how well that country protects the natural environment, and whether it is moving towards environmental sustainability. Alternatively, the success of a nation could be measured by looking at the health, well-being and happiness of its residents.
In conclusion, the economy is obviously a key marker of a country’s success, but social, environmental and health criteria are equally significant.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary aside Original: of course Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This aside is unnecessary because the sentence already states the importance clearly.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: better Suggested revision: higher Why it matters: Higher salaries is the more natural collocation when referring to increased pay.
- 3. Improve word order Original: more money is available for governments Suggested revision: governments have more money available Why it matters: This active structure gives the sentence clearer and more natural word order.
- 4. Use parallel categories Original: its education system and its hospitals Suggested revision: its education and healthcare systems Why it matters: Parallel sector labels make the list more concise and consistent.
- 5. Choose precise verb Original: help Suggested revision: strengthen Why it matters: Strengthen expresses the intended improvement in international standing more precisely.
- 6. Remove redundancy Original: various other forms of progress Suggested revision: other forms of progress Why it matters: Other already signals variety, so various is redundant here.
- 7. Make list direct Original: the area of Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Removing this vague phrase lets the list of social measures begin directly.
- 8. Remove unnecessary intensifier Original: democracy itself Suggested revision: democracy Why it matters: Itself adds no useful emphasis in this list.
- 9. Use concise possession Original: level of development of a society Suggested revision: a society’s level of development Why it matters: The possessive form avoids the awkward sequence of two of-phrases.
- 10. Use additive transition Original: Alternatively Suggested revision: Additionally Why it matters: This sentence adds another measure of progress rather than presenting an alternative to the preceding claim.
- 11. Use formal verb Original: looking at the health Suggested revision: assessing the health Why it matters: Assessing is more precise and appropriately formal for describing measurement.
Suggested Rewrites
- of course Delete
- better higher
- more money is available for governments governments have more money available
- its education system and its hospitals its education and healthcare systems
- help strengthen
- various other forms of progress other forms of progress
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response is strongest in its lucid, balanced treatment of both perspectives, with a consistent opinion and highly controlled language throughout. Its only notable limitation is that several non-economic measures are presented in quick succession rather than explored as deeply as the economic case. The best refinement would be to develop one or two of those alternatives with fuller causal explanation while preserving the essay's concise focus.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and the writer's position are addressed directly with relevant, well-supported reasoning.
Develop one or two non-economic measures more fully instead of listing several briefly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress seamlessly through a clear paragraph structure, with cohesive devices used naturally and unobtrusively.
Maintain this controlled progression while making the internal links among the alternative measures slightly more explicit.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys abstract economic, social, and environmental ideas with strong flexibility.
Refine the occasional slightly broad formulation by choosing even more exact wording for categories of national progress.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and with excellent control throughout.
Continue varying clause patterns while retaining the same consistently accurate punctuation and agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.