Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Success is often attributed to personal qualities such as hard work, dedication, and motivation. However, many argue that external factors, including wealth, social connections, and appearance, play a more decisive role in determining one's achievements. While effort and perseverance are undoubtedly important, I firmly believe that external circumstances exerthave a greater influence on success.
On the one hand, dedication and hard work are crucial for achieving long-term goals. Many successful individuals, particularly in fields such as business and science, have built their careers through sustainedrelentless effort and perseverance. For example, renowned entrepreneurs such asrenowned entrepreneurs like Steve Jobs and Elon Musk overcame significant challenges to revolutionise their industries. Similarly, motivation and self-discipline enable individuals to persist despite setbacksfailures, allowing them to develop expertise and stand out in competitive environments. Additionally, personal effort often fosters resilience, a key trait required to navigate the uncertainty in lifeuncertainties of life.
On the other hand, external factors such as financial resources, social status, and geographical location play a far more influential role in determining success. Wealth, for instance, provides access to high-quality educationtop-tier education, influentialexclusive networks, and business opportunities that are often unavailable to those from disadvantaged backgrounds. Furthermore, individuals born into influential families have an early advantagehave a head start in life, as their social connections can create opportunitiesopen doors that hard work alonesheer hard work alone cannot. Additionally, physical appearance plays a significant role in industries such as entertainment and fashion, where conventional attractiveness can lead to preferential treatment and career advancement.
In conclusion, while hard work and determination are important, success is largely shaped by factors beyond an individual's control. Wealth and social statusWealth, social status, and external circumstances often strongly shape the opportunities availabledictate the opportunities available, making them more influential than personal effort in determining one's achievements.
Why this response received Band 8.5
The response presents a clear, consistent position and gives balanced, well-developed treatment of both views, supported by fluent progression and precise academic language. Its main limitation is that some examples and claims, particularly about famous entrepreneurs and inherited advantage, are asserted broadly rather than examined in depth. A stronger version would qualify these examples and show more precisely how effort and external opportunity interact before confirming why one has greater influence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, and the writer's opinion is clear, consistent, and well supported throughout.
Deepen the analysis by acknowledging how personal effort and external advantages can interact in the examples used.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses fluently through a clear four-paragraph structure with highly controlled cohesion and referencing.
Reduce the slightly formulaic sequencing of the two body paragraphs to make the progression feel even more natural.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, precise, and consistently appropriate, with effective control of academic collocations.
Vary recurring terms such as success, external factors, and influence where an equally precise alternative is available.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly with virtually no noticeable errors.
Continue refining sentence rhythm by occasionally shortening heavily modified sentences for maximum clarity and emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some believe success in life comes from hard work, dedication, and motivation. While many believe success depends on other important factors like money and appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.