Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The population is one of the biggest problems for some of the countries today. The population distribution is every uneven across different countries and while some countries have very less population, some other countries suffer from a large number of population. There are certain countries like India and China which are two highly populated area where as countries like Ireland, Russia and Switzerland are thinly populated. So I agree that the countries that are suffering from the huge population should take steps like imposing a tax on the number of children a family has. There are various problems that appear due to the huge population, like poverty, unemployment, crime and illiteracy. Every country has limited resources and if the population rises beyond permissible limit, it results in rapid exhaustion of these resources. Therefore, I agree, sometimes it is necessary for a government to take harsh action to control population. And one of these harsh actions can be limiting the available facility to the persons who have more than an approved number of children and to impose a large amount of taxation due to the large number of children s/he has. India and China are the world’s most populated countries. During the '70s, the population of both countries’ population was growing at rapid rate and in order to curb its population, china imposed 1-child policy and strictly implemented it. As a result, we can see their population growth rate has reduced drastically to 0.6 % per annum, whereas though India promoted 2-children policy but didn’t enforce any policy. It tried educating people about benefits of small families, give benefits to small families. Though, there growth rate decreased but wasn’t significant as china. India’s growth rate is still hovering around 1.2% per annum and it is believed that they will surpass China’s population in next decade or so. Problems associated with population are quite evident in India. Healthcare system is abysmal; unemployment, illiteracy, and poverty are rampant. On the contrarily, certain European countries have less population and encourage to have more children. Citizens in certain countries are also given extra grants if they have more than two children. The average age of Japan is over 70 years and Japanese government encourages people to have more children in order to have more young population. So countries who have a decent population and are forecasting to decrease the population in the coming ages, should not adopt this taxation strategy. To conclude, I think it is of utmost importance that country’s population is proportional to its resources and total area and to strike that perfect balance, sometimes it is mandatory for the government to intervene and impose rules to control the population like taxing the individuals who contribute to increasing the population even more.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition phrase Original: for some of the countries today Suggested revision: in some countries today Why it matters: In is the correct preposition for locating a problem within countries.
- 2. Correct word form Original: every Suggested revision: very Why it matters: Every is an incorrect form here; the intensifier very is required.
- 3. Use countable form Original: very less population Suggested revision: very small populations Why it matters: Population is being compared across multiple countries, so a plural noun with small is natural.
- 4. Fix quantity expression Original: a large number of population Suggested revision: large populations Why it matters: A large number of cannot directly modify the mass use of population.
- 5. Use concise term Original: are suffering from the huge population Suggested revision: are experiencing overpopulation Why it matters: Overpopulation expresses the intended condition more accurately and concisely.
- 6. Improve causal phrasing Original: problems that appear due to Suggested revision: problems that arise from Why it matters: Arise from is the natural collocation for problems caused by a condition.
- 7. Add article Original: beyond permissible limit Suggested revision: beyond a sustainable limit Why it matters: The singular countable noun limit needs an article, and sustainable matches the resource context.
- 8. Remove duplicate noun Original: the population of both countries’ population Suggested revision: the populations of both countries Why it matters: The original repeats population and uses an unnecessary possessive.
- 9. Fix name and article Original: china imposed 1-child policy Suggested revision: China imposed a one-child policy Why it matters: The country name needs capitalization and the singular policy needs an article.
- 10. Remove double linker Original: whereas though Suggested revision: whereas Why it matters: Whereas and though perform the same contrastive role and should not be combined.
- 11. Restore parallel form Original: , give benefits to small families Suggested revision: and giving benefits to small families Why it matters: Giving must be parallel with educating after tried.
- 12. Correct pronoun agreement Original: they Suggested revision: it Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the singular antecedent India.
Suggested Rewrites
- for some of the countries today in some countries today
- every very
- very less population very small populations
- a large number of population large populations
- are suffering from the huge population are experiencing overpopulation
- problems that appear due to problems that arise from
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear, qualified position that taxation may be justified in overpopulated countries but not where populations are declining, and it supports this distinction with substantial international examples. Its principal limitation is presentation: the entire argument forms one paragraph, while frequent grammatical and lexical errors reduce fluency. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the reasoning into focused paragraphs and edit complex sentences for accurate comparison and reference.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear and nuanced position is sustained through relevant discussion of resource pressure, taxation, contrasting population needs, and country examples.
Evaluate the fairness or practical effect of taxation more directly instead of relying mainly on broader population-control examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a logical conceptual sequence, but the absence of paragraph breaks and frequent repetition make the lengthy response harder to navigate.
Separate the introduction, reasons for control, country comparison, exception for declining populations, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows useful range in discussing resources, demographics, and policy, but frequent inaccurate expressions and word forms reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as large number of population, on the contrarily, and more young population with natural demographic language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex ideas are generally understandable, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, pronouns, comparison structures, and verb forms weaken control.
Proofread each complex sentence for a single clear subject and consistent reference, especially when comparing India and China.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.