Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nowadays high population and population control have become two big critical issues all over the world. Some people of today’s society are of the opinion that it is the government’s sole concern how they will control the population of these countries while others oppose the idea but my inclination is toward the former. On one hand, it is argued that it is family's responsibility to decide the number of children they will have. The most vital argument for the reason which can initially be mentioned is that it is the interference of human rights if a government decides the number of family member. It seems human basic right how they build and raise their family. For example, financially solvent people can raise a big family and they might want to have more children. Moreover, now people live in the global village and scatter the skilled manpower throughout the other countries and it’s the prominent solution of overpopulation of any selected area. To clarify this matter, Japan is facing the problem of negative population and Bangladesh is overcrowded. If Bangladeshi skilled people move to Japan to help them in different jobs and development, it would be a really good solution for both countries. On the other hand, there is a quite plausible reason why it is essential for the government to take various steps to control population. What can be cited first regarding this is overpopulation is the main problem for developing and under-developed countries. It’s their prime concern to lower birth rate. For instance, some incentives for one child and imposing taxes for more than two children are the best ways to ensures lower birth rate. A further point is that we are exploited our resources very badly. In the future, there will be no natural resources for coming generations. So in order to make wise utilisation of our gas, oil and minerals, we need to control the population. Last but not least it is difficult to maintain big family and ensure proper education for them. In a nutshell taking all the aforementioned pros and cons into account, I personally opine that government should control the population of the country for the betterment of the human civilisation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Punctuate the opening Original: Nowadays high population Suggested revision: Nowadays, overpopulation Why it matters: The introductory adverb needs a comma, and 'overpopulation' names the issue precisely.
- 2. Remove redundant adjectives Original: two big critical issues Suggested revision: two critical issues Why it matters: 'Big' and 'critical' overlap in meaning here.
- 3. Use a concise subject Original: Some people of today’s society Suggested revision: Some people today Why it matters: The original phrase is unnecessarily wordy.
- 4. Clarify responsibility and reference Original: government’s sole concern how they will control the population of these countries Suggested revision: government’s sole responsibility to determine how it will control the country’s population Why it matters: The original lacks the required infinitive and shifts between singular and plural references.
- 5. Complete the paired linker Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard contrastive pair is 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
- 6. Add the article Original: it is family's responsibility Suggested revision: it is a family's responsibility Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'family' requires an article.
- 7. Use the correct rights phrase Original: interference Suggested revision: violation Why it matters: Rights are violated rather than interfered with in this context.
- 8. Use the plural noun Original: member Suggested revision: members Why it matters: 'Number of' requires a plural countable noun.
- 9. Describe financial capacity naturally Original: solvent Suggested revision: secure Why it matters: 'Solvent' is normally used for businesses or formal financial status, not family means here.
- 10. Name the demographic trend Original: negative population Suggested revision: population decline Why it matters: 'Negative population' is not a natural term for a falling population.
- 11. Clarify the contribution Original: help them in different jobs and development Suggested revision: contribute to its workforce and development Why it matters: The original pronoun and phrase do not clearly describe how migrants would help Japan.
- 12. Place the article correctly Original: there is a quite plausible reason Suggested revision: there is a plausible reason Why it matters: 'Quite' cannot appear between the article and adjective in this structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- Nowadays high population Nowadays, overpopulation
- two big critical issues two critical issues
- Some people of today’s society Some people today
- government’s sole concern how they will control the population of these countries government’s sole responsibility to determine how it will control the country’s population
- On one hand On the one hand
- it is family's responsibility it is a family's responsibility
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response establishes a clear pro-control position and supports it with several relevant concerns, especially resource pressure and family welfare. Its main limitation is uneven focus: the migration discussion drifts from whether governments should restrict family size, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop fewer, directly relevant arguments about population controls while revising articles, agreement, verb forms, and unnatural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both objections and supporting reasons are presented, but some material is tangential or insufficiently developed.
Focus every body paragraph on whether government restrictions are justified and explain the practical effects of each proposed control.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically divided and generally progresses from an opposing view to supporting arguments, though formulaic links and some long sentences impede flow.
Use simpler transitions and give each paragraph one clearly sequenced central claim.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows some range for population, rights, and resources, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace unnatural combinations such as “scatter the skilled manpower” and “maintain big family” with standard academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, verb forms, and sentence construction are noticeable throughout.
Prioritise accurate clause structure and check every noun phrase and finite verb for articles, number, and agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country should be strictly controlled. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.