Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
[Disgareement] In many developing nations such as Bangladesh, there's an ongoing discourse regarding whether the focus should be on industrial development rather than agriculture to foster better overall progress. Contrary to the opinion advocating for industrialization, I firmly believe that the agriculture sector is essential for achieving comprehensive development.
Firstly, agriculture remains the backbone of many developing economies, including Bangladesh. The agricultural sector not only provides employment for a significant portion of the population but also ensures food security and contributes to poverty reduction. For instance, investing in agricultural practices such as modern irrigation techniques and crop diversification can enhance productivity, increase farmers' income, and uplift rural communities. If the country shifts its focus to industrialisation, a large portion of the population will find it hard to manage any job in this new sector due to their lack of industrial skills as they are traditionally farmers.
Secondly, overemphasis on industrial development may exacerbate environmental degradation and lead to social inequalities. Rapid industrialization often comes at the cost of environmental degradation, including pollution of air, water, and soil. The concentration of industries in urban areas may exacerbate urban-rural disparities, as rural areas are often left behind in terms of infrastructure development and access to basic services. For example, in Bangladesh, rapid industrialization in urban centres like Dhaka and Chattogram has led to significant disparities between urban and rural areas.
In conclusion, while industrial development is necessary for economic growth and diversification, it should not come at the expense of neglecting the agricultural sector. Therefore, developing nations like Bangladesh should focus on agricultural sectors while fostering industries that are already helping them to progress and not shift towards industrialisation overnight.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove planning label Original: [Disgareement] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The misspelled bracketed label is a planning note rather than part of the essay.
- 2. Use concise debate term Original: an ongoing discourse regarding whether Suggested revision: an ongoing debate over whether Why it matters: The revision states the disagreement more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Use adjective form Original: agriculture Suggested revision: agricultural Why it matters: The adjective ‘agricultural’ is required before ‘sector’.
- 4. Use precise development term Original: comprehensive Suggested revision: balanced Why it matters: ‘Balanced’ more clearly expresses development across agriculture and industry.
- 5. Match multiple farmers Original: income Suggested revision: incomes Why it matters: The plural noun reflects the separate incomes of multiple farmers.
- 6. Use natural formal verb Original: uplift Suggested revision: support Why it matters: ‘Support’ is a more natural and measured verb in formal prose.
- 7. Use general uncountable noun Original: inequalities Suggested revision: inequality Why it matters: ‘Social inequality’ is normally uncountable when referring to the general condition.
- 8. Use precise development term Original: rural areas are often left behind Suggested revision: rural areas are often underserved Why it matters: ‘Underserved’ identifies the lack of infrastructure and services more precisely.
- 9. Use singular sector Original: focus on agricultural sectors Suggested revision: focus on the agricultural sector Why it matters: The essay refers to agriculture as one broad economic sector.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: If the country shifts its focus to industrialisation, a large portion of the population will find it hard to manage any job in this new sector due to their lack of industrial skills as they are traditionally farmers. Suggested revision: If the country shifts its focus to industrialisation, many traditional farmers may struggle to find work in the new sector because they lack industrial skills. Why it matters: The rewrite corrects unnatural collocations and clarifies the causal relationship.
Suggested Rewrites
- [Disgareement] Delete
- an ongoing discourse regarding whether an ongoing debate over whether
- agriculture agricultural
- comprehensive balanced
- income incomes
- uplift support
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response sustains a clear, nuanced disagreement and supports it with well-developed arguments about employment, food security, environmental damage, and regional inequality. Its main limitation is occasional repetition and a few awkward expressions, while the bracketed label at the opening is unsuitable for a finished essay. Prioritise removing drafting notes and tightening repeated reasoning so the otherwise persuasive argument reads with greater polish.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and supported by fully relevant, well-developed reasons and examples.
Strengthen the nuanced conclusion by stating more precisely how agricultural and industrial investment should be balanced.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are purposeful and the argument progresses logically from agriculture's benefits to the risks of excessive industrialisation.
Avoid repeating the environmental-degradation claim in consecutive sentences and remove the opening drafting label.
Lexical Resource
A wide, precise academic vocabulary supports the argument effectively, with occasional awkward collocations.
Replace expressions such as 'manage any job' and 'the agriculture sector' with more natural, exact alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and generally well controlled, though a few long sentences contain awkward attachment or coordination.
Simplify the sentence about farmers' lack of industrial skills and clarify the final coordinated clause in the conclusion.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Developing countries like Bangladesh should concentrate more on industrial development, instead of agriculture, to achieve better development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.