Many studies show that poor people are more likely to be involved in petty and serious crimes than people who come from higher-income groups. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Many studies show that individuals from lower-income backgrounds are more likely to engage in petty and serious crimes than their wealthier counterparts. However, I disagree with this statement. While socioeconomic factors can influence criminal behaviour, it is overly simplistic to attribute crime predominantly to poverty. Numerous other factors, including social environment, education, and mental health, play significant roles in shaping criminal tendencies.
Firstly, crime is a complex phenomenon influenced by a myriad of factors beyond economic status. For instance, the social environment in which an individual is raised can significantly impact their propensity for criminal activity. A study by the National Institute of Justice found that children from stable, supportive families, regardless of income, are less likely to engage in criminal behaviour. Conversely, those exposed to domestic violence, neglect, or peer pressure in crime-prone neighbourhoods may be more inclined towards criminality. Therefore, it is not poverty alone but a combination of adverse social conditions that contribute to higher crime rates.
Secondly, education and employment opportunities play crucial roles in deterring crime. Lack of access to quality education and subsequent employment can lead to frustration and a sense of hopelessness, potentially pushing individuals towards illegal activities. However, this is not exclusively a problem for the poor. Wealthy individuals who lack direction or face personal issues may also resort to crime. The infamous cases of white-collar crimes, such as fraud and embezzlement, are often perpetrated by individuals from affluent backgrounds. These examples highlight that crime is not confined to any particular socioeconomic group.
In conclusion, while poverty may contribute to higher crime rates in some places, it is not the sole determinant. Crime is influenced by a complex interplay of factors, and attributing it predominantly to economic status oversimplifies the issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Refer to a claim Original: statement Suggested revision: claim Why it matters: “Claim” refers more precisely to the proposition being evaluated.
- 2. Add definite article Original: including social environment Suggested revision: including the social environment Why it matters: The countable phrase needs an article in this list.
- 3. Use neutral risk language Original: shaping criminal tendencies Suggested revision: shaping the likelihood of offending Why it matters: The replacement describes behavioural risk more precisely and neutrally.
- 4. Use concise quantity phrase Original: a myriad of factors Suggested revision: many factors Why it matters: The simpler phrase conveys the same meaning without unnecessary formality.
- 5. Clarify behavioural effect Original: impact their propensity for criminal activity Suggested revision: affect their likelihood of offending Why it matters: The replacement is more direct and avoids the heavy nominal phrase.
- 6. Use direct offence phrase Original: inclined towards criminality Suggested revision: likely to offend Why it matters: The revised phrase is clearer and less abstract.
- 7. Clarify linked opportunities Original: Lack of access to quality education and subsequent employment Suggested revision: Limited access to quality education and employment Why it matters: The replacement makes clear that access is limited in both areas.
- 8. Use concise causal phrase Original: pushing individuals towards illegal activities Suggested revision: leading individuals to offend Why it matters: The revision expresses the possible behavioural outcome directly.
- 9. Clarify pronoun reference Original: this is not exclusively a problem for the poor Suggested revision: these pressures do not affect only poor people Why it matters: Naming the pressures removes the vague reference of “this.”
- 10. Use uncountable crime noun Original: The infamous cases of white-collar crimes Suggested revision: Examples of white-collar crime Why it matters: “White-collar crime” is uncountable when naming the offence category generally.
- 11. Use analytical context term Original: places Suggested revision: contexts Why it matters: “Contexts” better captures varying social and economic conditions than physical places.
Suggested Rewrites
- statement claim
- including social environment including the social environment
- shaping criminal tendencies shaping the likelihood of offending
- a myriad of factors many factors
- impact their propensity for criminal activity affect their likelihood of offending
- inclined towards criminality likely to offend
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay is sophisticated, clearly organised, and supported with relevant discussion of family environment, education, employment, and white-collar crime. Its main limitation is conceptual: the prompt claims that poorer people are more likely to offend, whereas the response mainly argues that poverty is not the sole cause, which does not directly disprove the comparative likelihood; the highest-priority improvement is to address that distinction explicitly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and the alternative causes of crime are well developed, but the argument partly reframes a claim about comparative likelihood as a claim that poverty is the sole determinant.
State whether poverty raises the probability of offending even when other causes exist, then defend that precise position with comparative reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are sequenced logically through a focused introduction, two well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesive links used effectively.
Make the connection between the two body paragraphs and the exact likelihood claim more explicit in each topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise academic vocabulary is used naturally to discuss socioeconomic status, social environment, criminality, and white-collar offences.
As a refinement, avoid slightly formulaic intensifiers such as "myriad" or "infamous" when simpler wording would preserve analytical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are consistently accurate and well controlled, with varied subordination and punctuation and only negligible lapses.
Maintain this control while tightening a few long sentences so the central logical contrast receives greater emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many studies show that poor people are more likely to be involved in petty and serious crimes than people who come from higher-income groups. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.