Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some people argue that, in an interconnected world, the intensifying business and cultural contact between nations bring numerous significant benefits. Others, however, raise concerns over the potential loss of national and cultural identities due to this. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and opine that the homogenizing influence of dominant cultures may overshadow and diminish the unique heritage of smaller nations.
On the one hand, individuals who believe that the growing trade and cultural connection between nations brings considerable benefits argue that such contact fosters cross-cultural understanding and appreciation, leading to enhanced cooperation and collaboration among nations. For instance, international trade allows countries to access a diverse range of products and resources, contributing to economic growth and improved standards of living. Additionally, cultural exchanges through art, music, and literature provide valuable insights into the diverse traditions and practices of different societies, fostering a sense of unity and mutual respect among people from various backgrounds.
On the other hand, those who view this trend as a threat to national identities opine that the overpowering reach of media and popular culture of influential nations may diminish the cultural and unique aspects of smaller nations. The widespread dissemination of movies, music, and fashion from influential nations can lead to the emulation of these trends by smaller communities, resulting in the gradual erosion of their distinct cultural practices. For instance, indigenous music and art forms may struggle to compete with the mass appeal of international pop culture, gradually fading into obscurity. Moreover, the economic aspect of globalization may also contribute to the weakening of national identities. As multinational corporations expand their operations globally, local businesses in smaller nations may struggle to compete, leading to the loss of traditional trades and craftsmanship. For example, traditional artisans and craftsmen may find it challenging to sustain their livelihoods when cheap, mass-produced goods flood the market.
In conclusion, while business and cultural contact between countries has some advantages, there is a compelling case to be made for the potential loss of national and cultural identities. The encroachment of dominant cultures and the economic challenges faced by local industries all contribute to this concern. Societies need to take conscious efforts to preserve and promote their unique heritage amidst the ever-evolving forces of globalization.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: bring Suggested revision: brings Why it matters: The singular head noun 'contact' requires the verb 'brings'.
- 2. Clarify reference Original: due to this Suggested revision: because of this contact Why it matters: Naming the referent makes the cause of the concern explicit.
- 3. Use natural reporting verb Original: opine Suggested revision: argue Why it matters: 'Argue' is more natural and appropriately formal for stating the writer's position.
- 4. Avoid near repetition Original: enhanced cooperation and collaboration Suggested revision: enhanced cooperation Why it matters: The two nouns overlap in meaning, so one conveys the point more concisely.
- 5. Refine collocation Original: overpowering Suggested revision: pervasive Why it matters: 'Pervasive reach' more naturally describes media spreading broadly through societies.
- 6. Correct adjective order Original: the cultural and unique aspects Suggested revision: the unique cultural aspects Why it matters: 'Cultural' classifies the aspects, while 'unique' describes them.
- 7. Clarify source relation Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: 'From' clearly identifies the nations as the source of the popular culture.
- 8. Use precise plural noun Original: aspect Suggested revision: effects Why it matters: 'Effects' accurately refers to the several economic consequences described next.
- 9. Correct collocation Original: take Suggested revision: make Why it matters: English uses the collocation 'make efforts' rather than 'take efforts'.
- 10. Tighten wording Original: numerous significant benefits Suggested revision: numerous benefits Why it matters: Removing the broad modifier makes the claim more concise without changing its meaning.
- 11. Use direct verb form Original: lead to the emulation of these trends by smaller communities Suggested revision: lead smaller communities to emulate these trends Why it matters: The active verb expresses the same relationship more directly than the nominalization.
- 12. Clarify sentence link Original: gradually fading into obscurity Suggested revision: and may gradually fade into obscurity Why it matters: An explicit finite verb makes the second consequence easier to connect to the subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- bring brings
- due to this because of this contact
- opine argue
- enhanced cooperation and collaboration enhanced cooperation
- overpowering pervasive
- the cultural and unique aspects the unique cultural aspects
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully explores both perspectives through relevant economic and cultural examples, while maintaining a clear preference for protecting smaller nations' identities. Its main weakness is occasional over-formality and minor imprecision in collocation and agreement. Tighten phrases concerning the unique aspects of nations, reduce repeated wording, and proofread subject-verb agreement to make an already coherent argument more natural and precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are addressed directly with well-developed explanations and examples, and the writer's preference remains clear from the introduction through the conclusion.
Make the final recommendation more specific by briefly indicating how societies could protect local heritage while retaining international contact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically sequenced, with focused paragraphs and cohesive links that guide the reader smoothly through the two perspectives.
Reduce repeated transitional patterns and tighten the longer paragraph so each supporting point has equal prominence.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of globalisation, cultural erosion, and economic pressure, with only occasional awkward or repeated phrasing.
Prefer natural, concise collocations and avoid over-formal choices such as opine when a simpler reporting verb is more idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex sentence forms is used accurately and flexibly, with only minor lapses in agreement and phrasing.
Proofread compound subjects and singular collective noun phrases to eliminate the remaining subject-verb agreement slips.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.