Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
These days, people across the globe can purchase the same products no matter where they are. As a result, some believe that countries are becoming more and more similar. In my opinion, this is a negative development, and I will discuss my reasons in this essay.
One of the main reasons it is a negative trend is because it undermines cultural diversity. When countries have unique products that are not found anywhere else, it showcases their distinctiveness. However, with the easy availability of the same products everywhere, these unique items may cease to exist or become less valuable. Furthermore, when people focus on buying the same products, they may start to lose interest in exploring and appreciating different cultures, leading to a homogenization of customs and traditions. One example could be the traditional craftsmanship of handmade textiles in remote villages. In the past, these intricate textiles were highly valued and served as a source of pride for the community. However, with the global accessibility of machine-made textiles flooding the market, the demand for traditional handmade ones dwindled.
Another problem with this development is that it can lead to a rise in environmental damage. When the same products are available everywhere, they are often produced in mass quantities to meet global demand. This can result in more environmental degradation due to increased manufacturing, transportation, and waste. An example of how the easy availability of the same products everywhere can lead to environmental damage is the mass production of disposable plastic water bottles. With the demand for bottled water soaring worldwide, manufacturers produce billions of plastic bottles annually to meet global needs. This mass production contributes to the depletion of natural resources, and leads to a significant increase in greenhouse gas emissions during manufacturing and transportation processes.
In conclusion, while the availability of the same products worldwide can be convenient, I believe that it has severe negative consequences. It can lead to a loss of cultural diversity, which is an essential aspect of our society and can contribute to environmental degradation. Therefore, we should strive to preserve unique local products and seek ways to reduce our reliance on global supply chains.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove formulaic wording Original: and I will discuss my reasons in this essay Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This metadiscourse is unnecessary because the thesis already states the writer's view.
- 2. Correct reason structure Original: it is a negative trend is because Suggested revision: this is a negative trend is that Why it matters: Use 'the reason is that' rather than the redundant structure 'the reason is because'.
- 3. Match plural subject Original: it showcases their distinctiveness Suggested revision: they showcase their distinctiveness Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural subject 'countries'.
- 4. Use precise production verb Original: these unique items may cease to exist Suggested revision: these unique items may cease to be produced Why it matters: Products are more precisely described as ceasing to be produced than ceasing to exist.
- 5. Avoid redundant phrasing Original: traditional craftsmanship of handmade textiles Suggested revision: traditional craft of making textiles Why it matters: The revision avoids overlap between 'craftsmanship' and 'handmade'.
- 6. Maintain present relevance Original: the demand for traditional handmade ones dwindled Suggested revision: the demand for traditional handmade ones has dwindled Why it matters: The present perfect links the earlier change to the current trend being discussed.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: a rise in environmental damage Suggested revision: increased environmental damage Why it matters: 'Increased environmental damage' is a more natural collocation.
- 8. Remove unnecessary comma Original: resources, and leads Suggested revision: resources and leads Why it matters: A comma should not separate two verbs that share the same subject.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: An example of how the easy availability of the same products everywhere can lead to environmental damage is the mass production of disposable plastic water bottles. Suggested revision: The mass production of disposable plastic water bottles illustrates how globally available products can cause environmental damage. Why it matters: The revision expresses the example more directly and concisely.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: It can lead to a loss of cultural diversity, which is an essential aspect of our society and can contribute to environmental degradation. Suggested revision: It can lead to a loss of cultural diversity, which is an essential aspect of our society, and it can also contribute to environmental degradation. Why it matters: The added clause makes clear that global product availability, rather than cultural diversity, contributes to environmental degradation.
Suggested Rewrites
- and I will discuss my reasons in this essay Delete
- it is a negative trend is because this is a negative trend is that
- it showcases their distinctiveness they showcase their distinctiveness
- these unique items may cease to exist these unique items may cease to be produced
- traditional craftsmanship of handmade textiles traditional craft of making textiles
- the demand for traditional handmade ones dwindled the demand for traditional handmade ones has dwindled
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistently maintained position and develops two relevant disadvantages with specific, persuasive examples. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and a slightly indirect link between product standardisation and environmental harm, alongside a few awkward or ambiguous constructions. Prioritise tightening causal reasoning and removing minor repetition so that each example demonstrates the precise negative effect more directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit and both disadvantages are developed with relevant explanations and concrete examples.
Make the causal connection between worldwide product availability and each claimed consequence more exact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Reduce repeated phrasing around the availability of the same products to make progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of culture, production, and environmental effects.
Refine a few broad collocations, such as descriptions of environmental damage, for greater naturalness and precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are used accurately, with only isolated awkwardness or ambiguity.
Proofread coordinated clauses and relative clauses so that every modifier has an unmistakable referent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.