Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Today the world is more connected than any time before and people from all over the countries can arrive at their destination within 24 hours. However, while this possibility permits to millions of individuals to encounter different cultures every year, the phenomenon of the international tourism brings also conflicts between people with different habits and costumes. To begin, tourism creates isolation more than integration. In fact, tourists prefer to look at different places, costumes and habits like sitting in front of the television screen, watching a documentary, more than sharing time with the indigenous population. Furthermore, tourists don't respect foreign habits and cultures, often because they don't understand it. For example, they throw the litter on the ground, or even worse they don't respect their hosts’ religion. Nevertheless, the effects of international tourism are not all negative. Sometimes tourists fall in love with people and places they visit and decide to live in there, acting as mediators between cultures and enhancing integration. It's the case of lots of tourist guides that decided to move abroad and enjoy a different lifestyle and culture, trying to share their feelings with visitors. Also speaking the language of the place we visit can help us understand people from different cultures. In addition, a large amount of money around the tourism business contrasts the tendency of some countries to close their border to foreign people. This can lead to a better comprehension of these cultures and so to integration. In conclusion, the biggest industry in the world have to feel the need of changes in the way tourism is structured, so it could become a mean of integration and reciprocal understanding more than create tensions between cultures.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural comparison Original: than any time before Suggested revision: than ever before Why it matters: The fixed comparative expression is 'than ever before'.
- 2. Correct global expression Original: all over the countries Suggested revision: countries all over the world Why it matters: This wording correctly expresses a worldwide range of countries.
- 3. Remove faulty infinitive Original: permits to millions of individuals Suggested revision: enables millions of individuals Why it matters: 'Permit' cannot take 'to' before its object in this construction.
- 4. Remove unnecessary articles Original: the phenomenon of the international tourism Suggested revision: international tourism Why it matters: The uncountable general concept 'international tourism' needs no article here.
- 5. Correct adverb placement Original: brings also conflicts Suggested revision: also creates conflict Why it matters: 'Also' normally precedes the main verb, and 'creates conflict' is the natural collocation.
- 6. Use customs Original: costumes Suggested revision: customs Why it matters: 'Customs' means cultural practices, whereas 'costumes' means clothing.
- 7. Match plural reference Original: it Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural nouns 'habits and cultures'.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: throw the litter Suggested revision: drop litter Why it matters: 'Drop litter' is the standard expression for leaving rubbish on the ground.
- 9. Remove extra preposition Original: live in there Suggested revision: live there Why it matters: The adverb 'there' does not take 'in' in this construction.
- 10. Use precise expression Original: It's the case of Suggested revision: This is the case for Why it matters: This expression introduces the following group more naturally.
- 11. Use formal quantifier Original: lots of tourist guides Suggested revision: many tourist guides Why it matters: 'Many' is more appropriate than 'lots of' in a formal essay.
- 12. Clarify tourism revenue Original: a large amount of money around the tourism business Suggested revision: the large amount of money generated by tourism Why it matters: The revision clearly describes money produced by the tourism industry.
Suggested Rewrites
- than any time before than ever before
- all over the countries countries all over the world
- permits to millions of individuals enables millions of individuals
- the phenomenon of the international tourism international tourism
- brings also conflicts also creates conflict
- costumes customs
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response explores both the tensions caused by tourism and its potential to promote cultural understanding, using several relevant examples and a generally clear line of thought. Its main limitation is that the degree of agreement remains somewhat implicit and some supporting claims are only briefly explained. The highest priority is to state a precise position early and develop each main reason with a clearer cause-and-effect explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue from both sides and reaches a relevant conclusion, though its exact degree of agreement is not consistently explicit and development is uneven.
State a precise position in the introduction and make every body paragraph clearly support that position with fully explained reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through negative and positive effects, but the lack of visible paragraphing and some loose linking reduce organisational clarity.
Separate the introduction, each main idea, and the conclusion into clear paragraphs with more precise internal transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied vocabulary for culture and tourism, but recurrent word-choice and collocation problems reduce precision.
Replace inaccurate combinations such as references to cultural costumes with precise terms such as customs and check verb-noun collocations carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys the message clearly, although agreement, article, preposition, and verb-form errors recur.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and article use, especially in complex sentences about tourism and cultures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.