Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. Discuss the advantages of this methods and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
One of the greatest advantages for young students to study overseas is that they learn to be independent. Having to cook, clean, manage a budget, take care of themselves, pay bills and take important decisions, they become self-reliance and this instils good quality among them. Often they have to work part-time to make ends meet, and this impresses upon them the importance of work and money management. Another important factor of studying in a foreign country is that these children will be exposed to different cultures and diverse ways of thinking. They will become more open-minded and tolerant and are likely to become more adaptable individuals. Getting exposes to different situations, they would become better decision-makers. One of the main motives for sending young people abroad to study is that it enhances their employment prospects. In my experience of living in foreign countries and speaking to various youths, it seems that a foreign education is regarded as something desirable and helpful in getting a decent job. A degree from Britain, for example, is seen as being of a higher standard than one from a developing country. Furthermore, living in a foreign country may lead to fluency in a second language, which is another selling point for prospective employers. In addition, many companies are keen to recruit people with a global outlook. There are a few drawbacks, however. For instance, without parental supervision, the new found freedom children experience may lead to harmful practices such as drug abusing and rampant lifestyle. Reluctance or inability to reintegrate into their mother country is another one that is often considered as a negative effect of this trend. To sum up, it can be seen that the advantages of studying abroad for children are more numerous than the disadvantages. Of course a lot depends on the age of the child, but I believe that for most teenagers it would be a positive experience.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct noun pattern Original: advantages for young students to study overseas Suggested revision: advantages of studying overseas for young students Why it matters: Advantage takes an of-gerund construction when naming the beneficial activity.
- 2. Add introductory comma Original: Often they Suggested revision: Often, they Why it matters: A comma after the introductory adverb improves sentence readability.
- 3. Name the benefit Original: factor Suggested revision: advantage Why it matters: Advantage accurately identifies the positive feature being discussed.
- 4. Keep future structure Original: and are likely to become Suggested revision: and will likely become Why it matters: Repeating the future auxiliary maintains parallel tense with will become.
- 5. Correct passive form Original: Getting exposes Suggested revision: Being exposed Why it matters: The passive gerund requires being followed by the past participle exposed.
- 6. Use consistent tense Original: they would become Suggested revision: they become Why it matters: The general result needs the present tense rather than an unsupported conditional.
- 7. Use neutral wording Original: speaking to various youths Suggested revision: speaking to various young people Why it matters: Young people is more natural and neutral than youths in this context.
- 8. Remove vague wording Original: regarded as something desirable Suggested revision: regarded as desirable Why it matters: Something is unnecessary because the adjective can directly complement regarded as.
- 9. Improve job collocation Original: getting Suggested revision: securing Why it matters: Securing a job is more precise and formal than getting a job.
- 10. Use formal term Original: selling point Suggested revision: advantage Why it matters: Advantage is more appropriate than the commercial expression selling point in this academic discussion.
- 11. Add relative marker Original: freedom children experience Suggested revision: freedom that children experience Why it matters: Adding that makes the relationship between freedom and the following clause explicit.
- 12. Use correct noun Original: abusing Suggested revision: abuse Why it matters: Drug abuse is the noun phrase required after such as.
Suggested Rewrites
- advantages for young students to study overseas advantages of studying overseas for young students
- Often they Often, they
- factor advantage
- and are likely to become and will likely become
- Getting exposes Being exposed
- they would become they become
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear positive opinion and develops three substantial advantages of overseas education: independence, cultural adaptability, and improved employment prospects. Its strongest feature is the specific explanation of how living abroad builds practical and professional skills, while the lack of paragraph breaks and several awkward grammatical forms reduce readability. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the advantages into focused paragraphs and edit inaccurate word forms and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The advantages are directly and extensively developed and the writer's positive opinion is clear, with relevant drawbacks adding useful qualification.
Make the final judgment more analytical by weighing the strongest advantage against the stated risks and the student's age.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas follow a logical sequence from independence to cultural growth, employability, drawbacks, and conclusion, but the response is presented as one long paragraph.
Separate each major advantage, the drawbacks, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with clear controlling ideas.
Lexical Resource
A broad range of vocabulary conveys practical, cultural, and employment benefits effectively, although several collocations and word forms are inaccurate.
Correct forms such as become self-reliant, get exposed, drug abuse, and reckless lifestyle while retaining the existing range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally clear meaning, but recurring errors in participle clauses, agreement, articles, and word forms reduce accuracy.
Check that introductory participle clauses correctly describe the sentence subject and that adjective and noun forms match their grammatical roles.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays, education overseas has become more accessible and growing numbers of people send their offspring to study in other countries. However, this trend has its detractors. Discuss the advantages of this methods and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.