Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos.
Sample Response
Zoos have been amusing and educating humans about animals for centuries. Although, containment of animals in zoos is an increasingly controversial topic. Some argue that confining animals to their cages in zoos are both necessary and healthy, while others refute this. Both sides of this debate will be analysed in this essay before a reasoned conclusion is drawn. On one hand, many believe that keeping animals inside the contrived environment of a zoo is a way to save many species from going extinct. For example, the Auckland Zoo has many breeding programs in place to enable animals to mate and reproduce. These animals might not be able to find mating partners in the wild and hence their species could be wiped out. This example makes it clear why many people support this stance. On the contrary, many argue that the practice of keeping animals in a zoo is harmful to these primates. For instance, a recent survey found out that animals in the zoo in Karachi, Pakistan, were fed toxic substances by the visitors which had an adverse effect on the health of many animals. As this example illustrates, animals in zoos can be abused if proper safety measures are not employed. Hence, it is obvious why this point of view has garnered support. After looking at both sides of this argument, it is felt that keeping animals in zoos begets greater benefits than disadvantages as long as there are precautionary measures in place to ensure the safety of these animals. It is hoped that zoos will continue to keep endangered species from going extinct.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: amusing and educating humans Suggested revision: entertaining and educating people Why it matters: 'Entertaining people' is more natural and appropriately formal in this context.
- 2. Fix linking word Original: Although Suggested revision: However Why it matters: 'Although' introduces a dependent clause, whereas this sentence needs a contrasting sentence adverb.
- 3. Use neutral phrasing Original: containment of animals Suggested revision: keeping animals Why it matters: This phrase expresses the practice under discussion more naturally and directly.
- 4. Fix subject agreement Original: are Suggested revision: is Why it matters: The gerund phrase is a singular subject and therefore takes 'is'.
- 5. Choose accurate verb Original: refute this Suggested revision: disagree Why it matters: 'Disagree' accurately describes holding the opposing view without implying that it has been disproved.
- 6. Complete linker Original: On one hand Suggested revision: On the one hand Why it matters: The standard paired contrast expression requires the definite article.
- 7. Use precise adjective Original: contrived Suggested revision: artificial Why it matters: 'Artificial' neutrally describes a human-made zoo environment, while 'contrived' usually suggests forced or unnatural design.
- 8. Use paired contrast Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: On the other hand Why it matters: This linker introduces the opposing side of a two-sided discussion rather than correcting a previous claim.
- 9. Avoid inaccurate category Original: primates Suggested revision: animals Why it matters: The preceding claim concerns zoo animals generally, not only primates.
- 10. Use formal verb Original: found out that Suggested revision: found that Why it matters: 'Found that' is the more concise and formal reporting expression.
- 11. Fix comparison Original: begets greater benefits than disadvantages Suggested revision: offers more benefits than disadvantages Why it matters: This wording uses the correct comparative structure for weighing benefits against disadvantages.
- 12. Use concise reference Original: Both sides of this debate Suggested revision: Both perspectives Why it matters: The replacement refers to the opposing views more concisely without changing the meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- amusing and educating humans entertaining and educating people
- Although However
- containment of animals keeping animals
- are is
- refute this disagree
- On one hand On the one hand
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both sides directly, supports each with a relevant example, and reaches a clear qualified conclusion in favour of well-regulated zoos. Its main limitation is mechanical organisation within a single paragraph, compounded by some imprecise word choices and recurring grammatical slips. The most valuable improvement is to build distinct body paragraphs that explain each argument more critically and use more accurate references to animals and captivity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both perspectives are addressed with relevant support, and the conclusion presents a clear, qualified position.
Develop the opposing case beyond one safety incident by explaining broader effects of captivity on animal welfare.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of ideas is easy to follow, but one-block presentation and formulaic linking limit cohesion.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, and let topic sentences guide progression with fewer stock transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, although several choices are inaccurate or awkward in context.
Use precise terms such as “animals in captivity” and avoid applying “primates” to all zoo animals.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentence forms are attempted successfully, but fragments, agreement errors, and awkward clause construction remain noticeable.
Review dependent-clause punctuation and subject–verb agreement, especially in sentences beginning with “Although” or containing gerund subjects.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.