Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
People have different views on how medical research should be conducted and tested. Although many people support the use of animal experimentations for developing medicines, I personally believe that animal testing is morally wrong.
The main reason why some people value animal experimentations to conduct medical research is because animal testing has contributed to many life-saving cures and treatments. It is true that nearly every medical breakthrough in the last 100 years has resulted directly from research using animals. For example, experiments in which dogs had their pancreases removed led directly to the discovery of insulin, critical to saving the lives of diabetics. Furthermore, it is impossible to release new drugs to the market before proving it has no harm to humans and laboratory mice are appropriate research subjects because they are similar to human beings in many ways.
However, I support with people who consider medical development that involved the use of animals is cruel and unacceptable. I believe that the lives of all creatures should be respected and we, humans, have no right to suffer animals for our own benefits. Governments should invest in developing alternative methods that can replace using animal experimentations when doing medical research. For example, a software program can be developed to model a human immune system and new drugs can be tested on the software rather than animals. In this way, no animals will suffer from the medical tests and the society can still benefit from medical development.
In conclusion, although it is undoubtedly true that animal testing has helped scientists in drug developments and medical discoveries, I believe that the benefits to humans do not justify the suffering caused to animals and we should use alternative methods when doing medical research that do not involve animals suffering.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use an uncountable noun Original: experimentations Suggested revision: experimentation Why it matters: 'Experimentation' is uncountable when referring generally to this research practice.
- 2. Fix the research phrase Original: animal experimentations to conduct medical research Suggested revision: animal experimentation in medical research Why it matters: The revision uses the uncountable noun and a natural prepositional phrase.
- 3. Fix the reason clause Original: because Suggested revision: that Why it matters: After 'the reason why', a that-clause avoids the faulty 'is because' construction.
- 4. Clarify the modifier Original: insulin, critical to saving Suggested revision: insulin, which was critical to saving Why it matters: A finite relative clause makes the relationship to insulin explicit.
- 5. Correct the market phrase Original: to Suggested revision: onto Why it matters: Products are conventionally released onto the market.
- 6. Fix agreement and phrasing Original: proving it has no harm to humans Suggested revision: proving that they cause no harm to humans Why it matters: The plural pronoun must refer to drugs, and 'cause no harm' is the correct construction.
- 7. Correct the agreement phrase Original: support Suggested revision: agree Why it matters: A person agrees with others rather than supports with them.
- 8. Fix tense and structure Original: medical development that involved Suggested revision: medical research involving Why it matters: The participle creates a grammatical modifier and keeps the focus on research involving animals.
- 9. Remove unnecessary commas Original: we, humans, Suggested revision: we humans Why it matters: The noun directly identifies who 'we' refers to and does not need parenthetical commas.
- 10. Use the causative form Original: suffer animals Suggested revision: make animals suffer Why it matters: 'Suffer' is intransitive here, so the causative construction is required.
- 11. Use singular benefit Original: benefits Suggested revision: benefit Why it matters: The fixed expression in this meaning is 'for our own benefit'.
- 12. Fix the verb pattern Original: replace using animal experimentations Suggested revision: replace animal experimentation Why it matters: 'Replace' takes the practice being replaced directly as its object.
Suggested Rewrites
- experimentations experimentation
- animal experimentations to conduct medical research animal experimentation in medical research
- because that
- insulin, critical to saving insulin, which was critical to saving
- to onto
- proving it has no harm to humans proving that they cause no harm to humans
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its full discussion of both views, firmly maintained opinion, and relevant examples explaining medical benefits and possible alternatives. Its main limitation is recurring awkward grammar and word choice, including incorrect verb patterns and unnatural plural forms, though the argument remains easy to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to edit complex sentences for accurate clause structure and more natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are explored with relevant explanation and examples, while the writer's opposition to animal testing remains clear throughout.
Make the pro-testing discussion more critically developed by qualifying the sweeping claim about medical breakthroughs and examining limits to animal similarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive links guide the reader smoothly between the opposing positions.
Tighten a few long sentences so that supporting points and examples are connected with even greater precision.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary, although several recurring collocations and word forms are unnatural.
Use natural forms such as animal experiments, support people, and cause animals to suffer, and check singular-plural choices consistently.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in verb patterns, agreement, and clause construction reduce grammatical control.
Prioritise accurate complex-sentence construction, especially after verbs such as consider, prove, replace, and involve.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that it is acceptable to use animals in medical research for the benefit of human beings, while others argue that it is wrong. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.