Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos.
Sample Response
Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary, but not a poor alternative to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos. Nothing is more barbaric than destroying the peace of someone's livelihood, poaching them and destroying their natural habitats. Humans from a very ancient time had close coordination with animals and other living creatures. They have been using them as pets, for cultivation and moreover, as food in many sorts. Thus, keeping animals in zoos can be considered both negative and positive considering a various perspective of the situations. Regarding the positive sides, climate change, like the wildfires and intensive cold weather, is causing disastrous effects in the lives of animals at an enormous rate. Millions of species are dead and many are in danger, and rescuing those species of endangered animals from such calamitous situations can be done with the help of an artificial ecosystem like the zoo. Moreover, zoos can be the place for researches and considered to be an area where our young generations could enjoy and learn about various rare species. On the contrary, considering the confinement and artificial ecosystem that animals have to adjust within a zoo, it is often discarded by the environmentalist as an unsafe place for animals and birds. Zoos often are just the place where men could see the animals and enjoy while small iron cages are applied to enclose the otherwise free animals and birds. Moreover, the authority often tries to cash out the animals and entertain the visitors which is cruel. Taking a look at the real purpose of the existence of zoo and various benefits that have been delivered to the animal kingdom, along with understanding the negative effects of zoos, it can be stated that zoos can sometimes be seen as required but, it is a rather bad alternative to a natural environment. gmail.com ]
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural time phrase Original: from a very ancient time Suggested revision: since ancient times Why it matters: “Since ancient times” is the conventional expression for a continuing historical relationship.
- 2. Correct relationship phrase Original: had close coordination Suggested revision: have lived closely Why it matters: “Live closely with” expresses the relationship naturally, whereas “have coordination with” does not.
- 3. Clarify subject and tense Original: They have been using Suggested revision: Humans have used Why it matters: The explicit subject and present perfect correctly describe the long-standing practice.
- 4. Use precise phrase Original: for cultivation Suggested revision: in agriculture Why it matters: Animals are used “in agriculture” rather than “for cultivation.”
- 5. Remove faulty linker Original: and moreover, as food Suggested revision: and as food Why it matters: “Moreover” is unnecessary inside this simple list and makes the punctuation faulty.
- 6. Correct fixed phrase Original: sorts Suggested revision: ways Why it matters: “In many ways” is the appropriate expression for different forms of use.
- 7. Use natural transition Original: Regarding the positive sides Suggested revision: On the positive side Why it matters: The singular transition “on the positive side” naturally introduces supporting arguments.
- 8. Introduce examples formally Original: like the wildfires Suggested revision: such as wildfires Why it matters: “Such as” is the clearer formal expression for introducing examples.
- 9. Correct weather collocation Original: intensive cold weather Suggested revision: extreme cold Why it matters: “Extreme cold” is the natural collocation for severe low temperatures.
- 10. Fix preposition Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun “effects” takes the preposition “on” when describing impact.
- 11. Remove confused category Original: those species of endangered animals Suggested revision: those endangered animals Why it matters: The original phrase incorrectly treats individual animals as species.
- 12. Generalize the example Original: like the zoo Suggested revision: such as a zoo Why it matters: An indefinite article is needed when a zoo is given as a general example.
Suggested Rewrites
- from a very ancient time since ancient times
- had close coordination have lived closely
- They have been using Humans have used
- for cultivation in agriculture
- and moreover, as food and as food
- sorts ways
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents recognisable arguments on both sides and reaches a clear qualified conclusion, with the discussion of conservation, education, confinement, and commercial exploitation providing useful coverage. Its main limitation is frequent awkward or inaccurate wording, compounded by weak paragraphing and some copied task wording that does not advance the argument. Prioritise organising the two sides into clear paragraphs and developing each point in precise, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Relevant arguments for conservation and education and against confinement and exploitation address both sides, although some ideas remain general or loosely explained.
Use the opening space to develop one concrete example or consequence for each side instead of repeating the task wording and broad background.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a discernible introduction–advantages–disadvantages–conclusion sequence, but the lack of paragraphing weakens organisation and some links are cumbersome.
Create separate paragraphs for the supporting and opposing arguments, each led by a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a good range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms make the language sound unnatural.
Choose simpler accurate phrases such as “conduct research,” “extreme cold,” and “profit from displaying animals” instead of forced alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are attempted and meaning is generally clear, but errors with articles, plurals, agreement, prepositions, and clause structure occur repeatedly.
Proofread noun phrases and subject–verb relationships, particularly where singular institutions, authorities, or species are discussed.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.