Some people say that having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is often argued that earning more remuneration is of paramount importance than spending more spare time. I completely agree with this notion because it ensures security and offers a better opportunity for the next generation.
The primary reason why making money exceeds having more leisure time is because it provides people with security. Put simply, when people have more than enough to pay their bills and can save emergency funds, they do not have to deal with financial difficulties. For instance, if a person loses his job and has an emergency fund covering three to four months of living expenses, then he does not need to deal with financial worries regarding how he will survive. Thus, knowing an unexpected emergency will not translate into a crisis will give individuals the sense of security to help them make wise financial decisions.
The second main reason why having more money is better is that it opens up golden opportunities for the children of the person. Everybody wants the best for their children, and money can help people offer a quality education to give their children a head start in life. That is to say that affluent parents usually gain control over the quality of education. When people, for example, have higher earnings, they can afford quality education, private tutors and lessons. These additional opportunities provide their children with the chance to develop their interests at a young age and hone competencies that offer them a competitive advantage over their counterparts.
To conclude, I believe that people should place more emphasis on earning money than having free time because it provides security and opportunity for them and their children.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: remuneration Suggested revision: money Why it matters: 'Earning more money' is the natural way to express this comparison.
- 2. Fix comparative structure Original: is of paramount importance than Suggested revision: is more important than Why it matters: A comparison with 'than' requires the comparative form 'more important.'
- 3. Correct time expression Original: spending more spare time Suggested revision: having more free time Why it matters: People have free time rather than spend more spare time in this comparison.
- 4. Use standard collocation Original: save emergency funds Suggested revision: build an emergency fund Why it matters: The usual expression is to 'build an emergency fund.'
- 5. Avoid clichéd wording Original: golden Suggested revision: valuable Why it matters: 'Valuable opportunities' is more precise and suitably formal.
- 6. Use concise reference Original: the children of the person Suggested revision: their children Why it matters: The possessive reference is clearer and avoids the awkward noun phrase.
- 7. Correct verb collocation Original: offer Suggested revision: provide Why it matters: 'Provide an education' is the natural verb-noun collocation.
- 8. Clarify control claim Original: gain control over the quality of education Suggested revision: have greater control over the quality of their children's education Why it matters: This wording specifies whose education is meant and makes the comparison clearer.
- 9. Improve parallel list Original: quality education, private tutors and lessons Suggested revision: a quality education, private tutoring, and lessons Why it matters: The article and parallel service nouns make the list grammatically consistent.
- 10. Use natural phrase Original: hone competencies Suggested revision: develop skills Why it matters: 'Develop skills' is more natural and direct in this context.
- 11. Use clearer reference Original: counterparts Suggested revision: peers Why it matters: 'Peers' clearly identifies other children of a similar age or position.
- 12. Use broader plural Original: offers a better opportunity for the next generation Suggested revision: offers better opportunities to the next generation Why it matters: The plural better reflects the range of benefits discussed later in the response.
Suggested Rewrites
- remuneration money
- is of paramount importance than is more important than
- spending more spare time having more free time
- save emergency funds build an emergency fund
- golden valuable
- the children of the person their children
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay has a clear position, strong paragraph structure, and relevant examples explaining how higher income can provide security and educational opportunities. Its main limitation is that it scarcely addresses the central cost of having less free time, so the comparison remains incomplete, and several ambitious expressions sound unnatural. The highest-priority improvement is to confront that trade-off directly and explain why the stated benefits outweigh the loss of leisure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and supported by two developed reasons, but the response focuses on the benefits of money without sufficiently evaluating the associated loss of free time.
Address the disadvantages of reduced leisure directly and show why financial security and opportunity outweigh them.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly through two well-focused body paragraphs, with effective sequencing and consistent paragraph unity.
Create a stronger argumentative link between each benefit and the prompt's explicit money-versus-time comparison.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a good range of topic vocabulary, though several collocations are unnatural or imprecise, such as earning more remuneration and making money exceeds leisure time.
Choose more natural comparative phrasing and avoid inflated expressions where simpler wording would be more precise.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is generally controlled, but recurring comparative and clause-construction problems reduce accuracy and naturalness.
Review comparative patterns, especially more important than and preferable to, and simplify clauses that become grammatically strained.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.