The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.
Sample Response
Choosing a career and making a living out of it is an important decision in a person’s life. There is an increasing trend of creating different ways to generate income to afford a balanced lifestyle. This essay analyses the financial and health benefits of having several streams of income. Money can buy all the material items in life that create happiness. For example, a person can choose to buy a luxury car, afford an international annual family vacation and a lavish lifestyle, provided he has the abundant financial support. Having different ways of earning money will help the individuals to attain required financial freedom to afford a balanced living. On the other hand, if a person has a single source of income then it becomes difficult for a person to manage the monthly commitments. Health is an important wealth any individual should accumulate in his life creating a happy living. Creating a right balance of intellectual and physical activity can create a healthy body. In olden days, an individual chose a single career path and struggled to master the talent. Whereas, in current days, people create choices to find a career path that maximises their talent potential. Constant improvement in individual’s talent creates new avenues to generate income. Thus, exploring several career options will create healthy individuals. After analyzation of the financial and health benefits of the people who choose to have multiple career choices and several income streams, it is evident that this new trend should continue through the life to create a challenging yet happy living.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix income phrase Original: making a living out of it Suggested revision: earning a living from it Why it matters: “Earn a living from” is the natural collocation for income derived from a career.
- 2. Fix trend preposition Original: of Suggested revision: towards Why it matters: “A trend towards” is followed by a gerund.
- 3. Use general reference Original: will help the individuals Suggested revision: can help individuals Why it matters: The modal avoids an absolute prediction, and the general plural noun needs no article.
- 4. Place modifier clearly Original: attain required financial freedom Suggested revision: attain the financial freedom required Why it matters: The definite article and post-modifying participle make the phrase grammatical and clear.
- 5. Fix lifestyle phrase Original: afford a balanced living Suggested revision: support a balanced lifestyle Why it matters: A lifestyle is supported financially; “afford a balanced living” is not idiomatic.
- 6. Remove redundant linker Original: if a person has a single source of income then Suggested revision: if a person has a single source of income, Why it matters: An if-clause followed directly by the main clause does not need “then” here.
- 7. Avoid repeated noun Original: difficult for a person Suggested revision: difficult for them Why it matters: The singular “they” refers clearly to the person already mentioned and avoids repetition.
- 8. Clarify financial obligations Original: manage the monthly commitments Suggested revision: meet monthly financial commitments Why it matters: People “meet” financial commitments, and the added modifier clarifies their nature.
- 9. Use definite article Original: a Suggested revision: the Why it matters: The specific desirable balance takes the definite article.
- 10. Use natural health phrase Original: can create a healthy body Suggested revision: can support physical health Why it matters: Activities support health rather than literally creating a body.
- 11. Use academic time phrase Original: In olden days Suggested revision: In the past Why it matters: “In the past” is the standard formal expression for an earlier period.
- 12. Fix skill collocation Original: struggled to master the talent Suggested revision: worked to master their skills Why it matters: People master skills, while “the talent” is an unnatural object in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- making a living out of it earning a living from it
- of towards
- will help the individuals can help individuals
- attain required financial freedom attain the financial freedom required
- afford a balanced living support a balanced lifestyle
- if a person has a single source of income then if a person has a single source of income,
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response takes a clear favourable view of multiple careers and income streams and offers some explanation of their financial benefits. However, it omits the prompt's central point about lifelong further education, presents an unconvincing link between multiple careers and health, and uses no paragraphing. The highest priority is to address continuous education directly and build a logically supported argument around it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The financial case for multiple income streams is partly developed, but lifelong education is not addressed and the claimed health benefit is weakly supported.
Discuss why workers may need continuing education to change careers, and support that point with a concrete example of reskilling.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move from financial benefits to health and talent, but the single long paragraph and weak logical links make progression uneven.
Use an introduction, separate body paragraphs for income diversification and lifelong learning, and a concise conclusion.
Lexical Resource
There is some range in career and finance vocabulary, but frequent awkward collocations and word formation errors reduce clarity.
Replace expressions such as 'abundant financial support', 'health is an important wealth', and 'analyzation' with natural academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, though article, agreement, punctuation, and sentence-fragment errors recur.
Join dependent clauses correctly, revise the fragment beginning 'Whereas', and check articles before singular countable nouns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.