In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment?
Sample Response
Since the inception of human civilisation, the debate over the retirement age is widespread. Although people usually continue working after retirement, in most countries retirement is regulated. Some countries with a large young workforcecountries, with huge youth workforce, allow their citizens to retire as early as 50retire early as 50. Similarly, countries that struggle with workforce shortagesstruggle with lack of workforce allow people to work beyond 60, sometimes until 65 or 70work more than 60 as 65 or 70 too. However, there are a few occupationsthere are few occupations which demand exceptions toover age limits. For example: in politics, people work with no age limit as this occupation is paramount and requires extensive and specialised experiencesignificantly long and skilled experience and in the military, servicemen are allowed to actively serve only until the age of 45serve till 45 years only as the job necessitates impeccable physical fitness and dynamic adaptability. Firstly, countries with huge youth workforce have enacted rules to force an average worker to end their careers early at thean age of 50. Eminently, this decision is influenced by the requirement to employ as many people as possibleengage maximum workforce to employment. Moreover, youth bring extra energy and innovative ideasnew innovative ideas to make work more productiveturn jobs more productive and less costly. However, even in these countries, we find retired people working as freelancers after retirement as early retirement for most is not a rewarding experience, and in most cases, early retirement does not meet all financial needssuffice all monetary requirements. For example: officially, China, a country with the largest youth and overall population, doesn't allow its citizens to work after 50. Secondly, some countries like Poland, Iceland etc. allow their citizens to work till 70 as these countries are experiencing workforce shortagesenduring with low workforce and a large ageing populationhigh ageing people, who hold a major share of the population. Obviously, this has some repercussions over the productivity. But, many people support this idea as this allows them to muster enough money and resources to lead happy and independent lives afterwardsspend happy and independent life afterwards. For example, Austria, a country with the highest share of senior citizens, allowsallow people to work till 70, and in order to tackle the issue, the country has announced a skilled migration scheme to attract skilled workers from other countries. In conclusion, I believe that a retirement age should be selected after intensive research into a country's job market, population ratio and other factors impacting society. Also, certain occupations must be vetted differently as they require specific skillsthey required some specific skills. For example, politicians mustn't be barred after any age, and similarly, servicemen must retiremust get retired after 50.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response shows a strong range of relevant considerations, including labour supply, financial needs, national conditions, and occupational demands, and it reaches a qualified conclusion. Its main weakness is that much of the discussion describes alleged national policies instead of rigorously justifying the recommended approach, while the single-block structure obscures progression; the highest priority is to organise the argument into focused paragraphs that directly defend the proposed retirement policy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses retirement age through a qualified country- and occupation-specific position, but much of the support is descriptive and some examples are insufficiently substantiated.
Define the recommended decision rule more precisely and explain why it is preferable to a single fixed retirement age.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical markers and a concluding position make the broad argument traceable, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph seriously weakens organisation and some long sentences carry too many ideas.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one central purpose each.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad academic vocabulary and can express complex policy ideas, though several collocations and word choices are unnatural or imprecise.
Retain the range while replacing forced expressions with precise combinations such as labour shortages, employment opportunities, and a financially secure retirement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used and meaning remains generally clear, but article, agreement, preposition, and tense errors recur across the response.
Proofread complex sentences for clause boundaries and systematically correct agreement and article use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment?
Your response
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