In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment?
Sample Response
Since the inception of human civilisation, the debate over the retirement age is widespread. Although people usually continue working after retirement, in most countries retirement is regulated. Some countries, with huge youth workforce, allow their citizens to retire early as 50. Similarly, countries that struggle with lack of workforce allow people to work more than 60 as 65 or 70 too. However, there are few occupations which demand exceptions over age limits. For example: in politics, people work with no age limit as this occupation is paramount and requires significantly long and skilled experience and in the military, servicemen are allowed to actively serve till 45 years only as the job necessitates impeccable physical fitness and dynamic adaptability. Firstly, countries with huge youth workforce have enacted rules to force an average worker to end their careers early at an age of 50. Eminently, this decision is influenced by the requirement to engage maximum workforce to employment. Moreover, youth bring extra energy and new innovative ideas to turn jobs more productive and less costly. However, even in these countries, we find retired people working as freelancers after retirement as early retirement for most is not a rewarding experience, and in most cases, early retirement does not suffice all monetary requirements. For example: officially, China, a country with the largest youth and overall population, doesn't allow its citizens to work after 50. Secondly, some countries like Poland, Iceland etc. allow their citizens to work till 70 as these countries are enduring with low workforce and high ageing people, who hold a major share of the population. Obviously, this has some repercussions over the productivity. But, many people support this idea as this allows them to muster enough money and resources to spend happy and independent life afterwards. For example, Austria, a country with the highest share of senior citizens, allow people to work till 70, and in order to tackle the issue, the country has announced a skilled migration scheme to attract skilled workers from other countries. In conclusion, I believe that a retirement age should be selected after intensive research into a country's job market, population ratio and other factors impacting society. Also, certain occupations must be vetted differently as they required some specific skills. For example, politicians mustn't be barred after any age, and similarly, servicemen must get retired after 50.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add article and clarify Original: countries, with huge youth workforce, Suggested revision: countries with a large young workforce Why it matters: The singular countable noun workforce needs an article, and young is the appropriate modifier.
- 2. Correct comparison phrase Original: retire early as 50 Suggested revision: retire as early as 50 Why it matters: As early as is the required comparative construction for an age.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: struggle with lack of workforce Suggested revision: struggle with workforce shortages Why it matters: Workforce shortage is the natural expression for insufficient labour.
- 4. Clarify the age range Original: work more than 60 as 65 or 70 too Suggested revision: work beyond 60, sometimes until 65 or 70 Why it matters: The rewrite expresses the upper working ages with a grammatical time construction.
- 5. Add indefinite article Original: there are few occupations Suggested revision: there are a few occupations Why it matters: A few means some, whereas few implies almost none and conflicts with the examples that follow.
- 6. Correct the preposition Original: over Suggested revision: to Why it matters: Exception takes the preposition to when naming the rule that does not apply.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: significantly long and skilled experience Suggested revision: extensive and specialised experience Why it matters: Experience can be extensive and specialised, but skilled does not naturally modify it.
- 8. Correct age expression Original: serve till 45 years only Suggested revision: serve only until the age of 45 Why it matters: The revised phrase places only correctly and states the age grammatically.
- 9. Use definite article Original: an Suggested revision: the Why it matters: At the age of is the standard fixed expression.
- 10. Use natural expression Original: engage maximum workforce to employment Suggested revision: employ as many people as possible Why it matters: The original phrase uses engage and employment in an unnatural combination.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: new innovative ideas Suggested revision: innovative ideas Why it matters: Innovative already means new, so both modifiers are unnecessary.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: turn jobs more productive Suggested revision: make work more productive Why it matters: Make work more productive is the natural causative expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- countries, with huge youth workforce, countries with a large young workforce
- retire early as 50 retire as early as 50
- struggle with lack of workforce struggle with workforce shortages
- work more than 60 as 65 or 70 too work beyond 60, sometimes until 65 or 70
- there are few occupations there are a few occupations
- over to
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response shows a strong range of relevant considerations, including labour supply, financial needs, national conditions, and occupational demands, and it reaches a qualified conclusion. Its main weakness is that much of the discussion describes alleged national policies instead of rigorously justifying the recommended approach, while the single-block structure obscures progression; the highest priority is to organise the argument into focused paragraphs that directly defend the proposed retirement policy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses retirement age through a qualified country- and occupation-specific position, but much of the support is descriptive and some examples are insufficiently substantiated.
Define the recommended decision rule more precisely and explain why it is preferable to a single fixed retirement age.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical markers and a concluding position make the broad argument traceable, but presenting the entire essay as one paragraph seriously weakens organisation and some long sentences carry too many ideas.
Separate the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one central purpose each.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad academic vocabulary and can express complex policy ideas, though several collocations and word choices are unnatural or imprecise.
Retain the range while replacing forced expressions with precise combinations such as labour shortages, employment opportunities, and a financially secure retirement.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is used and meaning remains generally clear, but article, agreement, preposition, and tense errors recur across the response.
Proofread complex sentences for clause boundaries and systematically correct agreement and article use.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, the average worker is obliged to retire at the age of 50, while in others people can work until they are 65 or 70. Meanwhile, we see some politicians enjoying power well into their eighties. Clearly, there is little agreement on an appropriate retirement age. Until what age do you think people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment?
Your response
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