School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
It has been a debatable issue whether to spend time and money on music classes or not at the school level. Some sect of people argues that music tutorials are simply a waste of time and money instead they suggest to use that time in improving academic performance. However, I believe that school should be encouraged to attend music classes. There are myriad reasons why a child must be sent to music classes. Firstly, music has the power to generate life in inanimate things. Music represents the art of living. A student with knowledge of music will definitely become soft-hearted, kind and mainly pleasant minded. Music improves mental ability which in turn increases concentration power. Thus a child can utilise this power in studies to attain good results. In today’s world, there is a bright career in music. Moreover, pop musicians, singers, music directors, etc get high endorsements. For instance, the legend of the music industry, Oscar award winner A. R. Rahman is a well-known live example who shows the importance of music in life. However, to an extent, music is an innate talent and all the children do not same interest in it. So, in such cases, it may be a waste of time as well as an extra burden on a school student to handle both music classes and also academic syllabus. On the other hand, some people assert that children should make use of money and time in learning useful subjects like science and computers rather than on music classes. Subject related classes enhance their in-depth knowledge of academic concepts. To add more, it will be a kind of revision that increases grip on the school subjects. Ultimately this yields good results. And as we know good results ensures their bright future with a better job. Therefore, it seems wise to spend time and money on useful subjects instead of music classes. In conclusion, good academic performance may secure a student’s career but I opine an all round development is essential for a child in which music plays a very crucial role.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name the attending students Original: school Suggested revision: students Why it matters: Students attend classes; the institution itself cannot attend them.
- 2. Use a natural expression Original: generate life in inanimate things Suggested revision: bring inanimate things to life Why it matters: 'Bring something to life' is the established expression.
- 3. Use a natural adjective Original: mainly pleasant minded Suggested revision: pleasant Why it matters: The original compound is not idiomatic, and 'mainly' does not fit the adjective list.
- 4. Use a precise term Original: mental Suggested revision: cognitive Why it matters: 'Cognitive ability' is the more precise academic term for mental capacity.
- 5. Use the standard noun Original: concentration power Suggested revision: concentration Why it matters: 'Concentration' alone denotes the ability to focus.
- 6. Use a natural application phrase Original: utilise this power in studies Suggested revision: apply this ability to their studies Why it matters: People apply an ability 'to' a task, and the possessive clarifies whose studies.
- 7. Use plural career prospects Original: there is a bright career in music Suggested revision: there are promising careers in music Why it matters: The general claim concerns multiple possible careers and takes a plural verb.
- 8. Punctuate and formalise the list Original: music directors, etc get Suggested revision: music directors, and others receive Why it matters: The abbreviation needs punctuation, and the revised wording integrates the final category formally.
- 9. Use the natural adjective Original: high Suggested revision: lucrative Why it matters: Endorsements that pay well are described as lucrative.
- 10. Use the complete phrase Original: an Suggested revision: some Why it matters: The standard qualifying expression is 'to some extent'.
- 11. Fix negation and verb Original: all the children do not same interest Suggested revision: not all children have the same interest Why it matters: The revision places the negation correctly and supplies the missing verb 'have'.
- 12. Use a parallel pair Original: also Suggested revision: their Why it matters: 'Both...and' does not take an additional 'also', and the possessive clarifies the syllabus.
Suggested Rewrites
- school students
- generate life in inanimate things bring inanimate things to life
- mainly pleasant minded pleasant
- mental cognitive
- concentration power concentration
- utilise this power in studies apply this ability to their studies
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response explores both the educational value of music and the practical case for prioritising science and technology, while ultimately supporting music as part of rounded development. Its main limitation is that the position occasionally appears inconsistent and several benefits are asserted rather than convincingly explained; the priority is to state a precise policy, such as optional or balanced music provision, and organise the supporting reasons into separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue from both sides and ends with a discernible defence of music, though the position wavers and some claims lack support.
State whether music should be compulsory, optional, or balanced with academic subjects, then support that exact policy consistently.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress from music’s benefits to limitations and academic priorities, but the single paragraph and shifting stance weaken overall cohesion.
Separate the case for music, the case for academic subjects, and the final synthesis into focused paragraphs with explicit comparisons.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for education, music, and careers, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise expressions reduce naturalness.
Use natural phrases such as improve concentration, pursue a music career, share the same interest, academic curriculum, subject knowledge, and well-rounded development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures communicates the main ideas, although agreement, articles, verb patterns, punctuation, and word forms are frequently inaccurate.
Check singular subjects with verbs, complete missing verb phrases, and divide run-on sentences before adding examples.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.