School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
ForFrom centuries music is indeed important to peoplea need for all humans, and music transforms the liveslife of a large proportiona big majority of people whether it is in the form of fame or financial successin the money. All humans admire music, as it provides a relaxing feelingprovides relaxing feeling and a way to escaperun off from the tensions of life. Some people have God gifted ability to sing while others have to take lessons either from schools or collegesschools/colleges or from instructors. A great number of people's opinion is that time and money spent on music is not necessary, they believe that all resources are to be used in learning useful subjects. I am do not fully agreenot totally in agreement with the statement and in this essay I will discuss both views with the conclusion.
First of all music is a source of income fora way of earning for a large number of peoplemajority of peoples. Nowadays it has become a career path for people who want to become singerspeople loving to be a singer. There are many forms of music like guitaristguitar artist, drummer or vocalist, all of these havethese all have a significant place in the society as in every restaurant or casino there is a need forof music, actually the live music, which ultimately attracts a vast majority of public and ultimately increasesincrease revenue. So more and more people need to learn the music it seems to them that they have brighter future in the field. And the time, money or other resources they spent on music classes provide returnsexpel rebate to them in the near futurein near future.
On the other hand, resources spent on learning useful subjects have their own worth. Peoples investing in these fields also have a good outcome of their efforts and in the end when they became a top engineer or Doctor and having a name in the society also admire the music of their inmates currently in the field of music.
In the end, I would say that you have to work hard either you are choosing music or some other field to become prominent in the society. Peoples always admire your work whether you are famous Doctor, a talented engineer or fascinating singer. Peoples have to decide are they investing their resource in the right direction or not.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's clearest strength is its attempt to consider the career value of both music and technical subjects within a recognizable essay structure. However, it shifts from school authorities' allocation of time and money to individuals' career choices, and its final position remains vague; frequent language errors also strain meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to state a definite degree of agreement and build two directly relevant arguments about what schools should fund.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers relevant ideas about music and other subjects, but it only partially addresses school resource allocation and does not maintain a precise opinion.
Frame every main point around whether schools should fund music classes and end with an explicit degree of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses a recognizable introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and conclusion, though progression weakens when sentences combine loosely related claims.
Give each paragraph one clear claim about school priorities and remove career details that do not support that claim.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss education and careers, but frequent inaccurate word choices and formations sometimes make the message difficult to follow.
Replace expressions such as peoples, expel rebate, and inmates with accurate terms and learn common collocations for educational funding.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple meaning is often recoverable, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, verb forms, and question structures reduce control.
Write shorter complete sentences and check each one for a clear subject, finite verb, and correct singular or plural agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.