School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Sample Response
From centuries music is indeed a need for all humans, and music transforms the life of a big majority of people whether it is in the form of fame or in the money. All humans admire music, as it provides relaxing feeling and a way to run off from the tensions of life. Some people have God gifted ability to sing while others have to take lessons either from schools/colleges or from instructors. A great number of people's opinion is that time and money spent on music is not necessary, they believe that all resources are to be used in learning useful subjects. I am not totally in agreement with the statement and in this essay I will discuss both views with the conclusion.
First of all music is a way of earning for a majority of peoples. Nowadays it has become a career path for people loving to be a singer. There are many forms of music like guitar artist, drummer or vocalist, these all have a significant place in the society as in every restaurant or casino there is a need of music, actually the live music, which ultimately attracts a vast majority of public and ultimately increase revenue. So more and more people need to learn the music it seems to them that they have brighter future in the field. And the time, money or other resources they spent on music classes expel rebate to them in near future.
On the other hand, resources spent on learning useful subjects have their own worth. Peoples investing in these fields also have a good outcome of their efforts and in the end when they became a top engineer or Doctor and having a name in the society also admire the music of their inmates currently in the field of music.
In the end, I would say that you have to work hard either you are choosing music or some other field to become prominent in the society. Peoples always admire your work whether you are famous Doctor, a talented engineer or fascinating singer. Peoples have to decide are they investing their resource in the right direction or not.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use for with duration Original: From Suggested revision: For Why it matters: For introduces a duration extending over many centuries.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: a need for all humans Suggested revision: important to people Why it matters: Music can be described as important, whereas a need for all humans is an overgeneralised and awkward phrase.
- 3. Match the plural group Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The following phrase refers to many people, so lives must be plural.
- 4. Use a precise quantity Original: a big majority Suggested revision: a large proportion Why it matters: Large proportion is the natural formal expression for a sizeable share of people.
- 5. Clarify financial success Original: in the money Suggested revision: financial success Why it matters: The revision names the intended benefit directly and naturally.
- 6. Add the article Original: provides relaxing feeling Suggested revision: provides a relaxing feeling Why it matters: The singular countable noun feeling requires an article.
- 7. Use the correct verb Original: run off from Suggested revision: escape Why it matters: Escape from is the natural expression for seeking relief from life's pressures.
- 8. Use a written connector Original: schools/colleges Suggested revision: schools or colleges Why it matters: Or is clearer and more formal than a slash in continuous prose.
- 9. State partial disagreement directly Original: not totally in agreement Suggested revision: do not fully agree Why it matters: The direct verb phrase expresses the same degree of disagreement more naturally.
- 10. Use income source Original: a way of earning for Suggested revision: a source of income for Why it matters: Source of income is the natural expression for a means of earning money.
- 11. Use people correctly Original: majority of peoples Suggested revision: large number of people Why it matters: People is already plural, and large number is appropriate for a countable group.
- 12. Match number and intent Original: people loving to be a singer Suggested revision: people who want to become singers Why it matters: The relative clause is natural and the plural singers agrees with people.
Suggested Rewrites
- From For
- a need for all humans important to people
- life lives
- a big majority a large proportion
- in the money financial success
- provides relaxing feeling provides a relaxing feeling
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's clearest strength is its attempt to consider the career value of both music and technical subjects within a recognizable essay structure. However, it shifts from school authorities' allocation of time and money to individuals' career choices, and its final position remains vague; frequent language errors also strain meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to state a definite degree of agreement and build two directly relevant arguments about what schools should fund.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response offers relevant ideas about music and other subjects, but it only partially addresses school resource allocation and does not maintain a precise opinion.
Frame every main point around whether schools should fund music classes and end with an explicit degree of agreement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses a recognizable introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and conclusion, though progression weakens when sentences combine loosely related claims.
Give each paragraph one clear claim about school priorities and remove career details that do not support that claim.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient to discuss education and careers, but frequent inaccurate word choices and formations sometimes make the message difficult to follow.
Replace expressions such as peoples, expel rebate, and inmates with accurate terms and learn common collocations for educational funding.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple meaning is often recoverable, but frequent errors in sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, verb forms, and question structures reduce control.
Write shorter complete sentences and check each one for a clear subject, finite verb, and correct singular or plural agreement.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
School authorities should not spend time and money on music classes and more emphasize should be given to useful subjects like science, computer and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.