In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.
Sample Response
The question about whether people should be allowed to smoke in public places is the one that is open for debate. All people can be divided into two groups- smokers and non-smokers. Smokers agree that they do not benefit the society by smoking, but think that they should have some special places in office buildings or public places where they can smoke. However, others believe that smokers should not be allowed to smoke in any places except their own apartments. Personally, I completely agree with the last opinion. For the following reasons, which I will mention bellow, I think that smokers should not contaminate the air other people breathe.
The first reason for this is that smokers not only damage their own health but actually cause damage to the health of others. Scientists say that people who do not smoke but regularly breathe in the smoke of cigarettes, so-called "passive smokers", poison their health more than smokers themselves. For example, when I was a student I lived with the roommate who was a chain smoker. First I did not know what to do, I smelled that smoke everywhere and I could not breathe freely, but in a few weeks, I got used to it. Now I think that I was a real smoker because of the fact that I regularly breathed in so much smoke.
Second of all, I think that people should not be allowed to smoke in public places and in office buildings because this rule will force them to quit. Smokers will have to quit smoking or at least will do it less often and this benefits all people smokers as well as not smokers.
Finally, smoking in public places contributes to the growth of the number of smokers because many people seeing smokers may feel the desire to smoke and join them. The advertisement of cigarettes is already prohibited by the law and I think it is a good sign because many people become smokers only because they see other people do it.
In conclusion, I think that this rule will benefit the society of every country and our world on the whole.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: is the one that is open for debate Suggested revision: is open to debate Why it matters: The shorter expression conveys the same idea more naturally.
- 2. Introduce the list Original: two groups- smokers Suggested revision: two groups: smokers Why it matters: A colon correctly introduces the two groups named after it.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: do not benefit the society Suggested revision: do not benefit society Why it matters: Society is used generally here and does not need the definite article.
- 4. Use singular after any Original: places Suggested revision: place Why it matters: Any takes the singular count noun in this general negative statement.
- 5. Refer precisely Original: last Suggested revision: latter Why it matters: Latter precisely refers to the second of the two views just presented.
- 6. Correct the spelling Original: bellow Suggested revision: below Why it matters: Below is the correct spelling for the intended adverb.
- 7. Add relative pronoun Original: air other people breathe Suggested revision: air that other people breathe Why it matters: That clearly introduces the relative clause modifying air.
- 8. Use a direct verb Original: cause damage to the health of others Suggested revision: damage other people's health Why it matters: The direct verb makes the claim more concise without changing its meaning.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: breathe in the smoke of cigarettes Suggested revision: breathe in cigarette smoke Why it matters: Cigarette smoke is the standard concise collocation.
- 10. Use accurate wording Original: poison Suggested revision: damage Why it matters: Damage health expresses the harmful effect naturally and accurately.
- 11. Use the correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The roommate is introduced for the first time, so the indefinite article is required.
- 12. Remove wordiness Original: because of the fact that Suggested revision: because Why it matters: Because expresses the causal relationship directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- is the one that is open for debate is open to debate
- two groups- smokers two groups: smokers
- do not benefit the society do not benefit society
- places place
- last latter
- bellow below
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response takes an unequivocal position and develops three relevant reasons, with the passive-smoking example providing useful personal detail. The main limitation is that some claims are overstated or loosely supported, while mechanical sequencing and recurrent article, preposition and sentence-boundary errors reduce polish. The highest priority is to substantiate each reason with more precise explanation and edit complex sentences so relationships between ideas remain clear.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained throughout and supported by three relevant reasons, although some causal claims are overstated or insufficiently justified.
Qualify claims about passive smoking and imitation, and explain the mechanism behind each proposed benefit of the ban more precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through an introduction, three reasons and a conclusion, but the sequencing is mechanical and some long sentences are poorly controlled.
Use less formulaic transitions and split overloaded sentences where distinct stages of an example or argument need clearer connections.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, including language for passive smoking and public health, with several awkward or inaccurate combinations.
Replace unnatural expressions such as poison their health and growth of the number of smokers with precise, conventional collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex forms communicates the argument clearly, though recurring errors in articles, prepositions, punctuation and clause structure remain noticeable.
Check article use and sentence boundaries systematically, especially in complex sentences that combine examples, contrasts and results.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.