In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.
Sample Response
There is no scope for any doubt that "Smoking is injurious to health ". Taking this fact into consideration, many countries have taken actions of strictly prohibiting smoking in public places. I strongly feel that this is a good move to reduce smoking and keeping the environment safe, even though many smokers are strongly against this move. First of all, smoking not only affects the health condition of the smokers but also of the nonsmokers by a process called passive smoking. In fact, it is a scientifically proven fact that passive smokers get more health hazards compared to the smokers. Various diseases like asthma, lung cancer, pneumonia, heart and valve ailments are found common among such individuals. This is why, to improve the public health and to prevent dangerous diseases, banning smoking in public places and in office buildings is an effective move. Secondly, smoking in public places like schools, parks, shopping complexes, beaches, offices etc. tend to develop a strong desire among young generation to inculcate this habit. To nurture a healthy young generation, we should support the idea that public smoking should be banned. Finally, by discouraging smoking in outdoor areas, the smokers can be gradually forced to quit their habit or can reduce the number of cigarettes being smoked. Considering this I feel that banning public smoking is a good rule and all countries should adopt this policy. In conclusion, I strongly recommend that all countries should put forward this rule for the health and well-being of their public. Even the smoking zones that are already placed in some of the public places should also be banned completely.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove stray space Original: health " Suggested revision: health" Why it matters: The space should not appear immediately before the closing quotation mark.
- 2. Fix action collocation Original: taken actions of strictly prohibiting Suggested revision: taken action to prohibit Why it matters: “Take action to” is the natural construction for describing a policy response.
- 3. Make verbs parallel Original: keeping Suggested revision: keep Why it matters: The verbs coordinated after “to” must use parallel base forms.
- 4. Use concise health phrase Original: health condition of the smokers Suggested revision: health of smokers Why it matters: “Health condition” is unnecessary when referring to smokers’ health generally.
- 5. Complete parallel structure Original: but also of the nonsmokers Suggested revision: but also that of nonsmokers Why it matters: “That” is needed to stand for the health affected in the second part of the comparison.
- 6. Use direct phrasing Original: by a process called passive smoking Suggested revision: through passive smoking Why it matters: The shorter phrase states the mechanism without unnecessary wording.
- 7. Avoid redundant wording Original: it is a scientifically proven fact Suggested revision: scientific evidence shows Why it matters: Calling something both scientifically proven and a fact is unnecessarily repetitive.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: get more health hazards Suggested revision: face greater health risks Why it matters: People “face health risks” rather than “get health hazards”.
- 9. Fix comparative structure Original: compared to the smokers Suggested revision: than smokers Why it matters: A comparative adjective such as “greater” is followed by “than”.
- 10. Introduce examples formally Original: Various diseases like Suggested revision: Various diseases, such as Why it matters: “Such as” introduces the list more precisely, with a preceding comma.
- 11. Clarify disease category Original: heart and valve ailments Suggested revision: heart conditions Why it matters: The original coordination is unclear because valve ailments are a type of heart condition.
- 12. Remove incorrect passive Original: are found common among Suggested revision: are common among Why it matters: The adjective “common” follows “are” directly in this construction.
Suggested Rewrites
- health " health"
- taken actions of strictly prohibiting taken action to prohibit
- keeping keep
- health condition of the smokers health of smokers
- but also of the nonsmokers but also that of nonsmokers
- by a process called passive smoking through passive smoking
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains an unequivocal position and supports it with a logical sequence of health, social-influence, and cessation arguments. Its main limitation is presentation: the entire essay forms one paragraph, and several awkward or inaccurate language choices reduce precision despite generally clear meaning. The highest priority is to separate the argument into purposeful paragraphs and improve grammatical control when expressing cause, comparison, and proposed outcomes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, sustains a clear position, and gives several relevant reasons, though some claims are overstated or only briefly supported.
Support the health and youth-influence claims with more precise explanation and avoid unsupported assertions about passive smokers facing greater harm than smokers.
Coherence and Cohesion
The reasons follow a clear logical sequence, but the single-paragraph format and repetitive sequencing devices limit effective organisation.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, grouping each major reason with its supporting detail.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, but recurring collocational problems make several expressions sound unnatural or imprecise.
Use more natural combinations such as introduce a ban, develop a habit, and pose health risks instead of literal or awkward phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex sentences, but errors in agreement, articles, parallel forms, and verb patterns occur regularly while meaning remains clear.
Check subject-verb agreement and parallel verb forms, especially in sentences containing comparisons, infinitives, or coordinated outcomes.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule? Use specific reasons and details to support your position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.