Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Education is a continuous process and thrust for knowledge is everlasting. Adult education is a controversial issue and some groups of thoughts argue that adults can learn things by themselves and the common mentoring technique in the school is unnecessary for them. Even though classroom learning has its own advantages, I believe the self-study is more beneficial for adults.
Obviously, ‘internal motivation and hard working’ is the core in all success stories. Therefore a highly motivated person can learn alone by utilising the advanced technologies. For illustration, online education is a newer trend and even someone working can attend certification course through the Internet. In addition, most of the companies are offering continuing education as part of their working schedules. So workers can improve their knowledge by this without attending regular classroom courses. Furthermore, for an adult, it is cumbersome to get back to a student life in most of the cases. The advancement in technology has made it possible to learn from home and adults do not need teachers to look after their behaviours or discipline them to study. It is a well-known fact that self-learning is the best learning and this is quite applicable for grown up people. So supporters of this view believe that for grown up people classroom learning is unnecessary and a waste of time.
On the other hand, some people believe that education is meaningful only by regular classroom mentoring. Self-motivation is sometimes ineffective and necessitates the teachers for evaluating and guiding them. Moreover, they believe that adult life is different from children because of the internal as well as the external factors affecting their learning process. For instance, adult life is complicated with a lot of responsibilities and tensions. Therefore continuous motivation by an external mentor is inevitable. Online education programs and other continuing career development programs often lack this opportunity and hence this group of people believes that classroom education is the best option for adults.
Put everything into consideration both these methods have their own advantages. However, I think that a highly motivated individual can gain knowledge by self-learning and for such adults, self-learning is a far better choice than attending formal educational institutes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct expression Original: thrust Suggested revision: thirst Why it matters: The fixed expression for a strong desire to learn is “thirst for knowledge”.
- 2. Use the standard phrase Original: some groups of thoughts Suggested revision: some schools of thought Why it matters: “Schools of thought” is the conventional phrase for groups sharing an opinion.
- 3. Name the method clearly Original: common mentoring technique in the school Suggested revision: conventional classroom teaching Why it matters: This phrase identifies the educational method more accurately and concisely.
- 4. Remove the article Original: the self-study Suggested revision: self-study Why it matters: The uncountable concept “self-study” does not take “the” here.
- 5. Punctuate the transition Original: Therefore a highly motivated Suggested revision: Therefore, a highly motivated Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory transition “Therefore”.
- 6. Use technology generally Original: the advanced technologies Suggested revision: advanced technology Why it matters: The general uncountable noun “technology” is more natural in this claim.
- 7. Use a natural example marker Original: illustration Suggested revision: example Why it matters: “For example” is the standard transition for introducing an illustration.
- 8. Describe the trend accurately Original: newer Suggested revision: growing Why it matters: “Growing” describes increasing prevalence, whereas “newer” makes an unclear comparison.
- 9. Add article and collocation Original: attend certification course Suggested revision: take a certification course Why it matters: The singular count noun needs an article, and learners normally “take” a course.
- 10. Remove the unnecessary article Original: most of the companies Suggested revision: most companies Why it matters: No definite group of companies has been established, so “the” is unnecessary.
- 11. Clarify the reference Original: improve their knowledge by this Suggested revision: develop their knowledge in this way Why it matters: “In this way” refers to continuing education more naturally than “by this”.
- 12. Use natural phrasing Original: get back to a student life Suggested revision: return to student life Why it matters: “Return to student life” is the idiomatic expression.
Suggested Rewrites
- thrust thirst
- some groups of thoughts some schools of thought
- common mentoring technique in the school conventional classroom teaching
- the self-study self-study
- Therefore a highly motivated Therefore, a highly motivated
- the advanced technologies advanced technology
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear preference for self-study while acknowledging the value of classroom guidance, and both sides receive relevant explanation. Its main limitation is that the self-study case becomes repetitive and relies on broad claims, while frequent unnatural collocations and grammar errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing one concrete comparison between an adult learner using online study and one needing teacher support, then edit articles, word forms and sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the question with a consistent qualified preference for self-study and develops relevant advantages and counterarguments.
Replace broad assertions such as "self-learning is the best learning" with a specific example showing when self-study is more effective than classroom instruction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, though the self-study paragraph is lengthy and its many linking phrases become mechanical.
Group the self-study case into two central reasons and remove repetitive connectors and repeated references to "grown up people."
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss education and motivation, but frequent awkward collocations such as "thrust for knowledge" and "groups of thoughts" reduce precision.
Use natural academic phrases such as "desire for knowledge," "some commentators," "hard work," "adult learners" and "classroom instruction."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, but article, agreement, word-form and clause errors recur throughout.
Correct forms such as "the desire for knowledge," "hard work is," "attend a certification course" and "requires teachers to evaluate and guide learners."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think it is not necessary for adults to receive education in class. Self-study is a good way for them to study more effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.