Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
Sample Response
Working people devote lesser time to exercise, and as a result, they develop many health problems such as obesity and heart disease. This is mainly because they do not have enough time during their weekdays and feel tired working on weekends. Moreover, compulsively watching television programmes and videos games also discourages them from getting physically active during their leisure time. This essay will discuss the reason behind this issue and how to manage it substantially.
There are several reasons behind this, and the major ones are a sedentary working lifestyle and getting tiredness after work. People are working hard to fulfil their personal and professional commitments that they hardly have time to relax or exercise. In this cutthroat competitive world, everyone is running a rat race to earn money. Hectic work schedules and long working hours are primary reasons working people neglect fitness exercises, leading to low productivity. Another reason is that digital devices have a strong influence on the daily life of individuals. Since these devices are pretty addictive, once they open their social media account or start searching online, they tend to spend long hours on the screen. Thus, it leaves no time for them to do exercise.
Shifting towards what can be done about this problem, there are some effective methods to tackle how people get fit and work more effectively. Creating cognisance about the risks of physical inactivity is the first step to counter this issue. In addition, bosses who require their employees to work overtime should be penalised. What’s more, companies should be emboldened to set up gyms and sports courts within their premises, and employers should be permitted to access them during their recreation time. Studies have shown that even a simple stretch will enable people to shake off their lethargy and enhance their productivity.
To recapitulate, it is clear that working individuals do not engage in exercises due to modern work pressure. Still, self-motivation and constant willingness are high priorities for leading a healthy life. We all can achieve this shared goal by adopting the ways mentioned above.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the right comparative Original: lesser Suggested revision: less Why it matters: Use “less” with the uncountable noun “time.”
- 2. Correct the time phrase Original: during their weekdays Suggested revision: on weekdays Why it matters: “On weekdays” is the natural prepositional phrase for recurring days.
- 3. Clarify the intended meaning Original: feel tired working on weekends Suggested revision: feel too tired to exercise at weekends Why it matters: The infinitive structure clearly shows that tiredness prevents exercise.
- 4. Match the plural ideas Original: reason Suggested revision: reasons Why it matters: The essay introduces several causes, so the plural noun is required.
- 5. Use a natural collocation Original: manage it substantially Suggested revision: address it effectively Why it matters: “Address an issue effectively” is the appropriate collocation for proposing solutions.
- 6. Use a natural phrase Original: getting tiredness after work Suggested revision: feeling tired after work Why it matters: English uses “feeling tired” rather than “getting tiredness” in this context.
- 7. Complete the result structure Original: People are working hard Suggested revision: People work so hard Why it matters: “So hard ... that” correctly links the degree of work to its result.
- 8. Avoid stacked adjectives Original: cutthroat Suggested revision: highly Why it matters: “Highly competitive” expresses the idea without the awkward stacking of near-synonymous adjectives.
- 9. Correct the idiom Original: everyone is running a rat race Suggested revision: everyone is caught in a rat race Why it matters: The conventional expression describes people as being “in” or “caught in” a rat race.
- 10. Add the linking word Original: primary reasons working people neglect Suggested revision: primary reasons why working people neglect Why it matters: “Why” is needed to connect “reasons” with the following clause.
- 11. Use concise wording Original: fitness exercises Suggested revision: physical exercise Why it matters: “Physical exercise” is the natural general term in this context.
- 12. Use the plural possessive Original: the daily life of individuals Suggested revision: individuals’ daily lives Why it matters: The plural possessive form is more concise and agrees with multiple individuals.
Suggested Rewrites
- lesser less
- during their weekdays on weekdays
- feel tired working on weekends feel too tired to exercise at weekends
- reason reasons
- manage it substantially address it effectively
- getting tiredness after work feeling tired after work
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its complete coverage of the problem, offering several relevant causes and practical workplace-focused solutions in a clear overall structure. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in vocabulary and grammar, which makes otherwise sensible points sound awkward or occasionally changes the intended meaning. The highest-priority improvement is to express each idea with accurate collocations and carefully checked sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant causes and a range of feasible solutions that receive generally adequate explanation.
Explain more directly how each proposed measure would create sustained exercise habits rather than only improve workplace productivity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion paragraphs, though some linking is mechanical or imprecise.
Replace formulaic transitions with direct topic sentences and ensure pronouns have clear referents.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a useful range of topic vocabulary, but frequent awkward choices and collocations reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as spend less time exercising, feel tired, and encourage companies instead of forcing sophisticated vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring errors in agreement, clause formation, and noun forms remain noticeable.
Proofread complex sentences for missing linking words, correct noun forms, and accurate subject-verb agreement.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.