Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Sound health plays an indispensable role in our life and work performance. That is why many employers seek ways to offer perks, such as gyms or sports clubs sponsorship, with a belief that healthier and happier employees will become more productive at work while many other employers simply do not invest in it. The essay will examine both sides, but I personally believe that various other motivations and rewards, in combination with this initiative, will bring effective results. The proponent of gyms or sports club subsidies offered by employers believes that physical and mental wellness is a prerequisite for optimal work performance. It is evident that sportive people are less likely to get sick, take fewer sick leaves and hence bring the least disruptions to daily operations in their workplace. Furthermore, sport is a good way to build team spirit and promote interpersonal skills. Thus the harmonious professional relationship that results from workers hitting the gyms or playing sports will certainly facilitate work efficacy. Moreover, sports club sponsorship by companies will implicitly convey the message that employers care about the wellness of their employees. Perhaps, employees will pay extra effort at work if they are valued. For instance, some of my friends speak highly of their employers because they feel their office authority takes care of their well-being by offering the facility to hit the gym. Conversely, the opponent of gyms or sports facility funding says that companies should focus on incentives that really matter to employees instead, namely job prospects, pay increments, job satisfaction, training opportunities, reasonable workloads and holidays. If employees’ performances are directly linked to their pay increments or career progression, they should have enough tangible rewards to work effectively. Likewise, if workers are able to identify meaningful goals or get job satisfaction, they should have intrinsic motivation to excel at work. To give an example, studies show that employees work more dedicatedly when they are motivated and are awarded rather than having facilities like gyms. In conclusion, I believe that gyms or sports clubs membership offered by the office is one of many effective motivations for some employees to work efficiently at work. But for many others, monetary or other tangible or intangible rewards are more useful. It is expected that employers will provide a range of extrinsic and intrinsic motivators that will promote productivity at work.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural pronoun requires the plural noun when referring to people's lives generally.
- 2. Fix noun modifiers Original: gyms or sports clubs sponsorship Suggested revision: gym or sports club sponsorship Why it matters: Singular nouns are normally used attributively before “sponsorship.”
- 3. Generalise consistently Original: The proponent of gyms or sports club subsidies offered by employers believes Suggested revision: Proponents of employer-funded gym or sports club subsidies believe Why it matters: The plural form is appropriate for describing a general group of supporters.
- 4. Use natural term Original: sportive people Suggested revision: physically active people Why it matters: “Sportive” is not the natural term for people who exercise regularly in this context.
- 5. Use uncountable leave Original: take fewer sick leaves Suggested revision: take less sick leave Why it matters: “Sick leave” is normally uncountable when referring to absence from work generally.
- 6. Fix collocation Original: bring the least disruptions Suggested revision: cause fewer disruptions Why it matters: “Cause disruptions” is idiomatic, and “fewer” correctly modifies the countable plural noun.
- 7. Clarify workplace effect Original: facilitate work efficacy Suggested revision: improve workplace efficiency Why it matters: The revision uses a natural collocation for better performance at work.
- 8. Fix effort collocation Original: pay extra effort Suggested revision: make an extra effort Why it matters: English uses “make an effort,” not “pay effort.”
- 9. Name the actor Original: their office authority Suggested revision: their employers Why it matters: “Office authority” is unnatural and less precise than the intended reference to employers.
- 10. Generalise consistently Original: the opponent of gyms or sports facility funding says Suggested revision: opponents of gym or sports facility funding say Why it matters: The plural subject and verb are appropriate for a general group of employers.
- 11. Use natural adverb Original: dedicatedly Suggested revision: diligently Why it matters: “Diligently” is the idiomatic adverb for describing careful, sustained work.
- 12. Choose correct verb Original: awarded Suggested revision: rewarded Why it matters: People are “rewarded” for performance, whereas “awarded” normally takes a named prize or honour.
Suggested Rewrites
- life lives
- gyms or sports clubs sponsorship gym or sports club sponsorship
- The proponent of gyms or sports club subsidies offered by employers believes Proponents of employer-funded gym or sports club subsidies believe
- sportive people physically active people
- take fewer sick leaves take less sick leave
- bring the least disruptions cause fewer disruptions
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its thorough, relevant development of both perspectives and its clear, nuanced position that gym subsidies work best alongside other incentives. Its main limitation is a cluster of imprecise collocations and awkward grammatical choices that occasionally weaken an otherwise persuasive argument. The highest priority is to refine word combinations and sentence-level accuracy while preserving the current depth and logical structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed with a clear personal position and well-developed, relevant support.
Make the opposing view even more evaluative by explicitly comparing the relative impact of workplace incentives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear discussion structure, with effective paragraphing and generally natural linking.
Reduce repeated additive transitions and tighten a few long stretches so relationships between claims feel less signposted.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a wide and topic-appropriate vocabulary, although several collocations are noticeably unnatural.
Replace combinations such as 'pay extra effort' and 'work more dedicatedly' with precise, idiomatic alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used with good control, while occasional agreement and article errors remain.
Proofread noun phrases and subject-verb agreement, especially around plural forms such as memberships, proponents, and performances.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.