The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Sample Response
The bar graph presents the numbers of males and females at an adult education center who attended different evening classes in 2009. The pie graph displays data on the students’ ages. Overall, females were seemingly more interested in the classes than men. Age-wise, night classes appealed more to older people than younger people. As seen in the bar graph, more females attended the classes than males. The most popular class for women was in languages (40), which saw twice as many women attending as men. Painting courses were also popular, with more equal attendance, though women still outnumbered men, at 30 and 25 respectively. Drama again witnessed double the attendance for women over men. The only course with more men was sculpture, for which 10 men signed up versus only 5 women. Regarding age, the course participants were predominantly from the seniors, those 50 years old and above, and people in their forties with 42% and 26%, respectively. Next came the thirty-year-olds (16%) and twenty-year-olds (11%). Very few students attending the evening classes were under 20 years of age.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Match the chart label Original: students Suggested revision: participants Why it matters: The task identifies the people as course participants rather than students.
- 2. Avoid unsupported inference Original: females were seemingly more interested in the classes than men Suggested revision: women outnumbered men in three of the four classes Why it matters: Attendance figures show participation, but they do not directly measure interest.
- 3. Report participation directly Original: Age-wise, night classes appealed more to older people than younger people Suggested revision: By age, older people made up a larger share of participants than younger people Why it matters: The pie chart shows age distribution rather than how strongly the courses appealed to each group.
- 4. Use the course label Original: most popular class for women was in languages Suggested revision: most popular course among women was language Why it matters: This wording matches the chart category and uses a more natural preposition.
- 5. Clarify the comparison Original: with more equal attendance Suggested revision: with a narrower gender gap Why it matters: This phrase states clearly how painting differs from the other courses.
- 6. Use the full age band Original: thirty-year-olds Suggested revision: people aged 30–39 Why it matters: The chart category covers a ten-year age range, not only people aged thirty.
- 7. Use the full age band Original: twenty-year-olds Suggested revision: people aged 20–29 Why it matters: The 11% category represents everyone aged 20–29.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Drama again witnessed double the attendance for women over men. Suggested revision: Drama also attracted twice as many women as men, at 20 versus 10. Why it matters: The rewrite uses a natural verb and states the comparison precisely.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Regarding age, the course participants were predominantly from the seniors, those 50 years old and above, and people in their forties with 42% and 26%, respectively. Suggested revision: Regarding age, participants were predominantly aged 50 or over (42%), followed by those aged 40–49 (26%). Why it matters: The rewrite removes the ungrammatical phrase and presents the two largest groups clearly.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Very few students attending the evening classes were under 20 years of age. Suggested revision: Only 5% of the course participants were under 20 years of age. Why it matters: Giving the chart value is more precise than the vague phrase “very few.”
Suggested Rewrites
- students participants
- females were seemingly more interested in the classes than men women outnumbered men in three of the four classes
- Age-wise, night classes appealed more to older people than younger people By age, older people made up a larger share of participants than younger people
- most popular class for women was in languages most popular course among women was language
- with more equal attendance with a narrower gender gap
- thirty-year-olds people aged 30–39
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response selects the most important features from both charts and supports its overview with accurate, well-integrated figures. Its main limitation is occasional interpretive or imprecise wording, such as describing attendance as interest and broad age bands as particular ages. The highest-priority improvement is to keep every description strictly aligned with what the categories and measurements actually show.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Both visuals are covered fully through a clear overview, accurate figures, and relevant comparisons.
Describe attendance and age bands literally so that no unsupported interpretation enters an otherwise precise report.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is sequenced clearly from the overview to course attendance and then participant ages.
Separate the overview and the two detail groups into distinct paragraphs for sharper organisation.
Lexical Resource
The report uses a strong range of comparison and data-reporting vocabulary with only occasional imprecision.
Use exact category labels and avoid wording that infers preferences from attendance figures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex and simple structures are varied and controlled, with only minor awkwardness in a few phrases.
Polish compressed comparison phrases and appositive structures to achieve consistently natural expression.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.