The following pie charts show the results of a survey into the most popular leisure activities in the United States of America in 1999 and 2009.
Sample Response
The graphs reveal information about the most common leisure activities which the American engaged in between 1999 and 2009. Overall, the largest percentage of people living in the US enjoyed walking.
As can be seen clearly, the figures for soccer, camping and walking increased slightly by 1%-2% to 18%, 9% and 31% respectively during the ten-year period. On the other hand, there was a nearly doubling in the proportions of people joining in yoga (5 to 10 % ) and swimming ( 9 to 18% ) __ over the same period.
By contrast, the period shown witnessed a significant decrease in the percentages of American people participating in the remaining activities. To be more specific, the figure for jogging nearly halved from 7% to 3%. What is more, there was a dramatic fall in the proportion of aerobics players from 13% to 4% from 1999 to 2009. Finally, when it comes to bicycling, the figure for this activity dropped from 14% to 7%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural noun Original: the American Suggested revision: Americans Why it matters: The relative clause refers to American people generally, so a plural noun is required.
- 2. Describe snapshot years Original: between 1999 and 2009 Suggested revision: 1999 and 2009 Why it matters: The charts show two separate years rather than continuous activity throughout the intervening period.
- 3. Use concise phrasing Original: percentages of American people Suggested revision: percentages of Americans Why it matters: The shorter wording is more natural and precise.
- 4. Avoid inaccurate grouping Original: participating in the remaining activities Suggested revision: participating in the activities that declined Why it matters: The charts do not present an unchanged set of all remaining activities because yoga and weightlifting have different labels.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: aerobics players Suggested revision: people doing aerobics Why it matters: People do or participate in aerobics rather than play it.
- 6. Correct starting figure Original: 14 Suggested revision: 12 Why it matters: The 1999 chart shows bicycling at 12%, not 14%.
- 7. Name the visuals Original: The graphs Suggested revision: The pie charts Why it matters: The visuals are specifically pie charts, so naming them improves task precision.
- 8. Use concise reporting Original: reveal information about Suggested revision: show Why it matters: Show communicates the reporting function more directly.
- 9. Match survey wording Original: common Suggested revision: popular Why it matters: Popular more precisely reflects the survey's focus on activity preferences.
- 10. Avoid empty framing Original: As can be seen clearly Suggested revision: The charts show that Why it matters: The revision introduces the data directly instead of using a vague viewing phrase.
- 11. Use proportion term Original: figures Suggested revision: shares Why it matters: Shares is more precise for percentages in pie charts.
- 12. Use percentage points Original: increased slightly by 1%-2% Suggested revision: increased by one or two percentage points Why it matters: Changes between percentage shares should be expressed in percentage points.
Suggested Rewrites
- the American Americans
- between 1999 and 2009 1999 and 2009
- percentages of American people percentages of Americans
- participating in the remaining activities participating in the activities that declined
- aerobics players people doing aerobics
- 14 12
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response is strongest in its clear organization and broad coverage of the activities, with most movements and figures accurately reported. Its main limitation is the incomplete overview and two content errors: bicycling is misreported as starting at 14%, and the second chart labels the 10% category as weightlifting rather than yoga. Prioritize a fuller overview that summarizes the main rises and falls while checking every category label and value.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report covers nearly all activities and identifies walking as the largest category, but its overview is limited and two visual details are inaccurate.
Summarize the overall pattern of increases and decreases, and verify bicycling and the changed final category against the charts.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from increases to decreases, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Reduce formulaic transitions and make the contrast between the two groups of activities more direct.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a useful range of change vocabulary, although several activity-related expressions are awkward or imprecise.
Use natural combinations such as people participating in aerobics and the proportion choosing an activity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the comparisons clearly despite several article, noun-form, and punctuation errors.
Check articles, plural reference, and comparative structures, especially phrases such as nearly doubled and Americans engaged in activities.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The following pie charts show the results of a survey into the most popular leisure activities in the United States of America in 1999 and 2009.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.