The graph below shows the destinations of holiday makers from a particular Asian country in 2012. Destinations of holiday makers from an Asian country (2012)
Sample Response
The bar graph shows where tourists from an Asian country went to celebrate their holidays in 2012. Overall, Malaysia and India were their favourite destinations. As can be seen from the graph, the highest number of holiday seekers, one million to be exact, went to Malaysia in 2012. The second largest tourist outflow from this country was to India with around 0.8 million travellers. Japanese share to this country’s tourists was exactly 800 thousand which was roughly 100 thousand higher than that of Australia going tourists. Furthermore, 0.6 million tourists visited Korea in this year which was approximately 0.2 million higher than the holiday seekers to Sri Lanka. Finally, the lowest number of tourists made their holidays in Pakistan in the same year which was around.25 million. In summary, most of the travellers from this country preferred other Asian countries like Malaysia, India and Japan as their holiday stops while Pakistan was their least favourite destination in 2012.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use task term Original: tourists Suggested revision: holidaymakers Why it matters: Holidaymakers is the more precise term for people travelling for a holiday.
- 2. Correct holiday collocation Original: went to celebrate their holidays Suggested revision: travelled for their holidays Why it matters: People spend or take holidays rather than celebrate them in this context.
- 3. State ranking precisely Original: favourite destinations Suggested revision: two most popular destinations Why it matters: The chart shows destination totals, so popularity is a more objective description than personal preference.
- 4. Use direct reporting Original: As can be seen from the graph Suggested revision: The graph shows that Why it matters: Direct reporting is more concise and maintains a formal analytical style.
- 5. Use natural comparison Original: highest number of holiday seekers Suggested revision: largest number of holidaymakers Why it matters: Largest number and holidaymakers are the natural choices for this numerical comparison.
- 6. Condense exact figure Original: one million to be exact Suggested revision: exactly one million Why it matters: The revision states the exact value more concisely.
- 7. Use precise verb Original: went to Malaysia Suggested revision: visited Malaysia Why it matters: Visited is more precise when reporting destination data.
- 8. Clarify tourist total Original: The second largest tourist outflow from this country was to India Suggested revision: The second-highest number of tourists travelled to India Why it matters: The original noun phrase is unnatural and obscures that the bar represents a number of travellers.
- 9. Correct India figure Original: 8 Suggested revision: 9 Why it matters: The India bar is approximately 900,000, while Japan is the destination at 800,000.
- 10. Remove repeated summary Original: In summary, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The response already provides an overview, so a second summary repeats information instead of advancing the report.
- 11. Use formal example marker Original: other Asian countries like Suggested revision: other Asian countries, such as Why it matters: Such as is the more formal phrase for introducing examples.
- 12. Use accurate noun Original: as their holiday stops Suggested revision: as holiday destinations Why it matters: Holiday destination is the standard term for a place visited by tourists.
Suggested Rewrites
- tourists holidaymakers
- went to celebrate their holidays travelled for their holidays
- favourite destinations two most popular destinations
- As can be seen from the graph The graph shows that
- highest number of holiday seekers largest number of holidaymakers
- one million to be exact exactly one million
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview and covers every destination with useful rankings and comparisons, making the main pattern easy to understand. Its principal content weakness is the inaccurate figure given for India, while awkward expressions frequently reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to verify every value against the chart and use standard comparative language for traveller numbers rather than forced phrases such as 'Australia going tourists'.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All destinations are covered and the highest and lowest categories are clearly identified, although India's figure is understated as 0.8 million rather than 0.9 million.
Check each value carefully and group the destinations into high, middle, and low totals to make the comparisons more selective.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report follows a clear ranking sequence and uses cohesive markers effectively, but it remains a single paragraph and repeats the overview in a final summary.
Separate the overview from grouped detail paragraphs and omit the repetitive concluding sentence.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range for describing rankings and quantities, but several expressions for tourists and destinations are unnatural.
Use standard phrases such as 'travellers to Japan', 'visitors from the country', and 'the least popular destination'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex sentences communicate the data, though errors in noun phrases, relative clauses, and punctuation occur repeatedly.
Simplify overloaded comparison sentences and proofread forms such as 'Australia-bound tourists' and 'around 0.25 million'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the destinations of holiday makers from a particular Asian country in 2012. Destinations of holiday makers from an Asian country (2012)
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.