The pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia, and the table shows where people born in these countries live.
Sample Response
The pie chart illustrates the country of born of people residing in Australia and the table depicts that where people live in a rural area or cities area depending on the birth of these countries. Overall, Australia is the highest leading country. At the same time, the Netherlands is the least country with the birth of people living, and on the other hand, the majority of people preferred to live in cities area than in rural areas.
To begin with, China which is accounted for 2% of the birth people in that 99% of the people liked to live in an urban area, and just only 1% lived in rural areas. Whereas, Netherland with just 1% of people’s birth in which 90% of people resides in Cities and only 10% lived in rural areas.
In New Zealand, 80% of people live in urban areas, which is the lowest compared to other countries, while 20% of people live in village areas, the highest number of people living with respect to other countries. In Australia, 73% of births of people living in Australia in which 83% live in Cities while 17% live in rural areas.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct noun phrase Original: country of born Suggested revision: countries of birth Why it matters: Country of birth is the required noun expression.
- 2. Remove faulty clause Original: depicts that where Suggested revision: shows whether Why it matters: The reporting verb should connect directly to the whether-clause.
- 3. Use parallel plurals Original: a rural area or cities area Suggested revision: rural areas or cities Why it matters: The two location categories need parallel grammatical forms.
- 4. Clarify the grouping Original: depending on the birth of these countries Suggested revision: for people born in these countries Why it matters: The table groups residents by their country of birth.
- 5. State the comparison Original: highest leading country Suggested revision: country of birth for the largest proportion of residents Why it matters: Australia represents the largest birthplace category rather than a leading country.
- 6. State smallest group Original: least country with the birth of people living Suggested revision: country of birth for the smallest proportion of residents Why it matters: The Netherlands accounts for the smallest named birthplace share in the pie chart.
- 7. Remove duplicate linker Original: on the other hand Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The sentence already uses a contrast linker, so this second one is redundant.
- 8. Avoid unsupported preference Original: preferred to live Suggested revision: lived Why it matters: The table reports residence, not personal preference.
- 9. Use correct plural Original: area Suggested revision: rather Why it matters: Cities already names the plural location category and does not take area here.
- 10. Match table label Original: village Suggested revision: rural Why it matters: The table uses rural areas, which is broader and more precise than villages.
- 11. Compare proportions Original: number Suggested revision: proportion Why it matters: The figures are percentages rather than absolute numbers.
- 12. Use concise comparison Original: with respect to other countries Suggested revision: among the countries shown Why it matters: The replacement states the comparison more naturally and precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- country of born countries of birth
- depicts that where shows whether
- a rural area or cities area rural areas or cities
- depending on the birth of these countries for people born in these countries
- highest leading country country of birth for the largest proportion of residents
- least country with the birth of people living country of birth for the smallest proportion of residents
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies the dominant Australian-born group and the consistent preference for city living, while most figures it reports match the visuals. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage of the pie chart, particularly the omitted UK and other categories, alongside persistently awkward language. The highest-priority improvement is to select the missing major comparisons and express them in concise, grammatically controlled data sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview captures two key trends and the reported figures are accurate, but the UK and other birth categories are omitted and the pie chart is only partly developed.
Include the UK's 7% share, the 14% other category, and concise comparisons covering all five city-rural distributions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has an identifiable overview and detail paragraphs, but grouping is uneven and several connectors introduce fragments or awkward relationships.
Group pie-chart proportions in one paragraph and city-rural comparisons in another, using complete sentences and fewer mechanical linkers.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to communicate the main data, but frequent collocation and word-form errors make descriptions imprecise and repetitive.
Use accurate phrases such as country of birth, proportion of residents, urban areas, accounted for, and were born in.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors with clause construction, agreement, articles, plurals, and sentence boundaries reduce clarity, although the main meaning remains recoverable.
Build shorter sentences around one comparison at a time and check subject-verb agreement before combining ideas with while or whereas.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia, and the table shows where people born in these countries live.
Your response
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